hi Page 973 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Chase Utley Turns Very Bad Play Into Very Good One
The baseball season is long and grueling and Chase Utley is 37 years old, so you can’t blame him for booting a routine ground ball here and there. The good thing about being 37 years old, though, is that it makes you crafty as hell....
It's Time To Once Again Help Prove That Average Fans Are The Best Scouts In Baseball
One of the best off-field developments in baseball this year was MLB bringing in pseudonymous saberist Tom Tango to work with their Statcast data, the product of player-tracking technology that promises to unlock such mysteries of the game as the relative values of positioning and reaction time, and...
Asdrubal Cabrera Flips The Everloving Shit Out Of His Bat After Huge Walk-Off Dinger
After getting their walk-off snatched out of the sky last night, the Mets made damn sure this one was headed out of the ballpark. Asdrubal Cabrera did the knocking, and he followed it up with an explosive, two-hand heave of a bat flip....
Greg Schiano Hit A Cyclist With His Car And Sent Him To The Hospital
Greg Schiano, world-historic asshole coach, is working for Ohio State in his first coaching job since getting shitcanned by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers three years ago. Everyone hated him in Tampa, but his tenure with the Buckeyes has been nice and quiet so far. Until this morning, that is, when he ran...
Chip Kelly Backs Colin Kaepernick, Terrible Columnist Fusses Like A Baby
Press Democrat columnist Lowell Cohn is one of the very worst sportswriters in the business—he’s the dude who once compared PED users to murderers—so it’s no surprise that he has a problem with Colin Kaepernick. In fact, ol’ Lowell is so steamed about this issue that he felt it necessary to lecture ...
Don't Have Opinions About Other People's Underwear
Are your underwear emitting an odor of feces or stale urine or stagnant crotch-and-ass sweat that I can smell from a normal, respectful distance? Are you wearing some form of outer garment between your underwear and the outside world? Are you someone with whose underwear I may interact directly in t...
Landon Donovan And I Would Like To Announce Our Availability For The USMNT
In some ways, Landon Donovan and I are very different people. He is an internationally famous and widely beloved MLS legend who just recently decided to unretire from the sport he was born to play and rejoin the L.A. Galaxy. I am a largely anonymous yet widely loathed MLS hater who never played prof...
Indiana Football Player Charged With Felony Child Molestation (UPDATE)
Indiana University freshman wide receiver Kiante Enis was charged with two counts of felony child molestation Thursday, according to the Randolph County (Ind.) Sheriff. Here is the press release from the sheriff’s department (sic throughout):...
Leonard Williams, We Know What Happened To Your Hookah Parts
Jets defensive lineman Leonard Williams recently ordered some parts for his hookah, but he never got them. Leonard, the cops have your hookah stuff....
Mario Balotelli Scores Two More Goals, Remains On Fire
Mario Balotelli has always been kind of a headcase. Of late, his nuttiness has unfortunately overshadowed his undeniable abilities. But now, after commemorating his second start with his new club Nice with his second two-goal match, it’s beginning to look like maybe Balo is more crazy good than just...
Here's The Guy Kevin Johnson Reportedly Beat Up For Hitting Him With A Pie
Sacramento police released the mugshot of Sean Thompson, the 32-year-old activist arrested last night after hitting disgraced soon-to-be former mayor Kevin Johnson with a pie. ...
Ender Inciarte Robs Yoenis Cespedes' Would-Be Walk-Off, Ends Game
Had Yoenis Cespedes hit this baseball a few inches further, it would have given the Mets a 6-4 victory over the Braves and earned them a crucial advantage on the Cardinals in the wild card race. Instead, Ender Inciarte robbed it and won the game for the Braves....
Here's A Truly Bonkers One-Handed Catch
Look at this catch, man. ...
Jose Bautista Admires Huge Dinger With A Backwards Home Run Trot
The AL wild card-leading Blue Jays got shut down by King Felix Hernandez this afternoon, managing just pair of hits over seven innings. Fear not. Jose Bautista has a flair for situations like these. With one out in the ninth inning, Bautista sent an Edwin Diaz fastball to the dang moon, then trotted...
Team USA Is Mad About Phil Kessel's Tweet
Team USA flamed out in two games at the World Cup of Hockey, but one American hockey player did win last night: Phil Kessel. The Stanley Cup Champion, who was left off the roster and had hand surgery in July, displayed his pettiness (in a good way) after John Tortorella’s squad lost to Canada, 4-2....
David Ortiz Gets Taunted By Fan, Homers, Taunts Back
David Ortiz is the closest thing this era of baseball has to a real-life folk hero. Not only is he a hobbled, 40-year-old man who somehow leads all of baseball in OPS, he’s a dude who can still dunk on mouthy fans....
Accept Random Events
How much are you willing to give up in a futile quest to control things that cannot be controlled? Everything? ...
Look At How Excited Thomas Davis Is
The Carolina Panthers played with their food (the San Francisco 49ers) for a long time before they finally finished them off this weekend. The defense came up with a touchdown and a pair of picks, but they also allowed Vance McDonald to get loose for a 75-yard touchdown. They’ll be fine, probably, b...
Judge Rules Woman Accusing Derrick Rose Of Rape Must Use Her Name In Civil Trial
A federal judge ruled Tuesday that the woman suing Derrick Rose and two friends, alleging that they took turns raping her when she was too drunk to consent, must use her real name if the case goes to trial. One of the woman’s lawyers, Waukeen McCoy, said the judge ruled that way because “he wants ev...
Remember When This Crappy Hitter Became A Bat-Flipping God?
Do you remember Tom Lawless’s three-run homer in Game 4 of the 1987 World Series? If you’re a young-ish idiot like me, there’s a decent chance you have no memory of that game and have never even heard of Tom Lawless. Let’s change that....