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Extremely In-Depth Profiles In Courage: Larissa Riquelme (A.K.A. Paraguay Girl) (NSFW)
This is Larissa Riquelme. She's the cell phone-bosomed young woman the internet fell in love with on Monday. Currently, no one is blaming her for the Azzurri tying with Paraguay, but what do we really know about her? Pictures and (some) NSFW profile after the jump....

Extremely In-Depth Profiles In Courage: Elizabeth Minett (A.K.A. Robert Green's Ex)
This is Elizabeth Minet. She's the ex-girlfriend of English goal keeper Robert Green and currently the scapegoat for the Cock-Up heard round the world. But what do we really know about her? Pictures and profile after the jump....

Indoor Plumbing Comes To Pittsburgh
Oh good, the "lets flush all 552 toilets at the Penguins' new arena and hope the place doesn't blow up" test was a success. Apparently, the septic system tanked a few seasons in a row to get the top new equipment. [Post-Gazette]...

The Dodgers Hired A Wizard, For Six Figures, To Send Good Vibes
Frank and Jamie McCourt, those feudin' and fussin' co-owners and estranged spouses, spent good money — really good money — on an elderly man who sat at home in Boston, watched Dodgers games on TV, and sent positive energy....

Did ESPN Photoshop Dwight Gooden's Mug Shot On To A Suit?
Doc Gooden called into the Scott Van Pelt radio show today, but since it is also simulcast on ESPN2, they needed a suitable head shot to show viewers. Or failing that, a police mugshot with a suit painted over it....

Dario Franchitti Shows Off His Trophy, Wife
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Pittsburgh Seeks Brave, Able-Bodied Young People For Controlled Toilet Flushing
Are you over 18 and a fan of coordinated, group activities? The Pittsburgh Penguins would like 250 "students" to flush all the toilets at the newly constructed Consol Energy Center. In other news, Western Pennsylvania now runs on toilet news....

In Honor Of Memorial Day, Here's A Photo Of A Marine With Sarah Palin Tattooed On His Ass
That butt belongs to Gunnery Sgt. Benjamin "Gus" Lepping, an explosive ordnance disposal tech serving in Afghanistan. Reasoning: "What could be better than getting a tattoo of the hottest cougar in the Republican Party?" [Battle Rattle]...

The Pittsburgh Ownership War Heats Up
Pirates owner Bob Nutting is still bitter over the Penguins' ownership group's attempt to buy the Bucs. When the Pirates fired back with a petty, "objective" column (on a team-run site) trashing the Pens for this season's failure, it ignited a firestorm....

Why Won't You Die, Montreal?
For the second time in two rounds, the eighth-seeded Canadiens have won a Game 7, on the road, knocking off both the President's Trophy winner and the defending champs. Obviously, we'll have to kill them in our dreams....

Drogba Performs His Second Greatest Ever Celebration…
Well done to the 75 per cent of Spoiler readers who correctly fingered Chelsea as the eventual Premier League winners....

Look, They Made Soccer Fun!
Perhaps the Scottish Premier League isn't the best quality of play, but Motherwell's four goals in the last 25 minutes to salvage a 6-6 draw — with a Europa League spot on the line — still makes for a classic match....

Private Stache: A New Feature In Which We Revisit The Unintentionally Hilarious Sports Photography Of Yore
As keeper of Sports Illustrated's indispensable Vault, Andy Gray spends a lot of his time sifting through the sports photography of another time, when athletes wore short shorts and facial hair, and everyone looked vaguely uncomfortable. Here is one such photo....

Easy Money: Bet On Whoever's Playing The Pirates
It's been said that you should never bet on your favorite team; you're just setting yourself up for double heartbreak. Well, one Pirates fan has concocted a fascinating experiment/get-rich-quick scheme: he's betting against the Bucs in every game this season....

Dear Pittsburgh: It's Just Hockey
Police say a Penguins fan killed his wife and burned down his house after an argument over staying up late to watch yesterday's 3OT game. So that's Pascal Leclaire's first playoff start, and first accessory to murder charge. [WPXI]...

Loneliness, Thy Name Is Pirates Fandom
Reader Chris sends along this picture of The Omega Man of Pirates fans. Why stay in the second row? Does PNC Park employ totalitarian ushers? Is he afraid of looking the fool should a foul ball approach? Fascinating to ponder....

The Biggest Supporters Around
To conclude one of the boobsiest days in Deadspin history, here's this picture of some strategically placed fans/cameramen at last night's Thunder-Jazz and Penguins-Capitals trackmeets. Mutton wins again. H/t Eric and Patrick....

Pittsburgh Pirates: October 14, 1992
Will Leitch will be previewing/musing on every baseball team each weekday until the start of the season. You can pre-order his book and follow him on Twitter. Today: The Pittsburgh Pirates....

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape, Part II
And now here's the video of Jackson State's Phillip Williams nutpunching Mississippi State's Dee Bost. By the time the NIT's over, we'll have a whole new section of sopranos for the pope's choir. ...

Crotch Punch Fulfills Every Crotch Punch's Destiny, Gets Immortalized On Videotape
Here's the video of Seton Hall's Herb Pope doing to Texas Tech's Darko Cohadarevic what a thousand youth baseball bats have done to two thousand youth-coach testicles. [YouTube, via TBL]...