hp Page 19 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

UFC Fighter Bryce Mitchell Drilled His Nuts Apart

“So i was gunna train today but i ripped my nutsack in half,” begins a Homeric Facebook post by UFC featherweight Bryce Mitchell. This is the “A screaming comes across the sky” of our time. ...

Braves Rookie Ropes First Career Base Hit To Right Field, Wait, Oh No!

20-year-old Braves pitcher Bryse Wilson was called up to start Monday’s game against the Pirates. Wilson was drafted in 2016; he started this season in the Class-A Advanced Florida State League, but graduated to Double-A Mississippi after just five starts, and was in Triple-A Gwinnett by the start o...

Victim Of Golf-Course Finger Biting Said It Sounded "Like Someone Chewing On A Dorito"

Derek Harkins, a 46-year-old Massachusetts man, was arraigned in Plymouth District Court on Monday on charges of assault and battery, mayhem, and disturbing the peace, after he allegedly bit off another man’s finger while trying to enjoy a golf outing....

All It Takes To Make A 49ers Game Fun Is A $12,500-A-Year Field-Level Leather Recliner<em></em><em></em>

A floor seat at a basketball game has a powerful cultural weight. It helps that it’s the best and most exciting way to watch a basketball game, but it’s appeal goes beyond that. Those seats are where celebrities and investors go to see the game and be seen watching that game—a badge of wealth and pr...

Man Bites It

So this happened tonight, on FOX Sports South. Watch it endlessly, for it will never stop being hilarious....

Two Pirates Minor Leaguers Hit For The Cycle In The Same Game

Here’s something improbable: two minor league teammates in the Pirates system hit for the cycle Tuesday night, in the same game. Kevin Newman got his in five at-bats, notching a single, a pair of doubles, a triple, and finally, in the eighth inning, a solo dong to left:...

Brain Worms Drive Hundreds Of Unfortunate Buckeyes Fans To Gather For Urban Meyer Rally

Ohio State head football coach Urban Meyer is currently on indefinite paid administrative leave while the university completes an investigation of reports that he knew of but did nothing about domestic violence allegations against assistant coach Zach Smith. Meyer is not dead; he is not in jail; he ...

“Among the 14 versions the Post-Gazette collected, the Pirates use the slowest tempo by more than 20 beats per minute. Some teams, like the Oakland Athletics, have versions more than 25 percent faster than the Pirates.” What’s with Pittsburgh’s distinct, super-slow version of “Take Me Out to the Bal...

Aw, You Guys, The Pirates Are Actually Trying To Get Better

The Pittsburgh Pirates, a “small-market” MLB team whose owner prefers hoarding his money to spending it on good players, actually made a deal today to improve the team. I know, right?! These scrappy little tightwad nobodies acquired an honest-to-gosh name people have heard of in Rays starter Chris A...

Kidnapped Shark Found Safe; Thief Confesses To Stealing Her To Replace His Old Shark

We have a very happy update for you in the case of Helen, the horn shark who was the subject of a daring stroller heist this weekend at the San Antonio Aquarium. Not only has Helen been found, but she appears to have been lovingly cared for by her captor, who stole her in the first place because he ...

Cops: Trio Stole Shark By Swaddling It Like A Baby, Pushing It Out In A Stroller<em></em>

If you saw a baby being pushed in a stroller near the San Antonio aquarium on Saturday afternoon, guess what, it might have been a shark. According to Leon Valley police chief Joseph Salvaggio, three enterprising shark thieves made off with a three-foot long horn shark around 2:15 p.m. on Saturday a...

Jacob DeGrom Is The Very Human Embodiment Of Futility

There’s a point in every typical Mets season when their astonishingly dependable ineptitude tips over from being a source of amusement to being a source of genuinely unpleasant secondhand embarrassment. Probably for Mets fans that moment reliably passes before the first day of summer; for the rest o...

National Anthem Controversies Don't Get More Soul-Sucking Than This

Here is a story from the Alaskan hinterlands about an extremely shitty woman who tried to shame a college summer league baseball player and his team on Facebook for failing to properly respect the national anthem. That such a woman exists and would act in such a way is neither surprising nor all tha...

Joe Musgrove Reminds Us That Pitchers Can Be Fielders, Too

Pitchers have both the toughest and perhaps the most dangerous job in baseball, so it’s unfair for us to rag on them too much if they choose to get the hell out of the way whenever a hitter puts a ball in play. They should let those lazy fielders do their part!...

Here's The Police Body-Cam Footage After The Pickup Basketball 911 Call

By now you might be familiar with the story of a Virginia man who sought out law enforcement after he was hit with what eyewitnesses have described as a “hard screen” or “hard pick” in a game of pickup basketball Monday evening at an LA Fitness. After a gym employee called 911 to report that a membe...

Kobe Bryant Still Wants To Help Your Kids Be More Like Kobe Bryant<em></em><em></em>

During the question-and-answer session that followed the screening of Kobe Bryant’s short film Dear Basketball at the Tribeca Film Festival last spring, Bryant said a lot of things that would have been very hard to credit from anyone less driven or deeply weird than Kobe Bryant. He used a lot of the...

Here's The 911 Call Made After A Man Set A "Hard Screen" In Pickup Basketball

A Virginia man sought out law enforcement after someone in his pickup basketball game performed what witnesses have described as a “hard screen” or “hard pick” at the LA Fitness in Sterling, Va. on Monday. Deadspin has acquired a 911 call made by the gym’s front desk clerk at 6:40 p.m. on Monday eve...

Virginia Man Calls Cops After "Hard Screen" In Pickup Basketball [Update]

A man called the police during a pickup basketball game after getting knocked to the floor by a hard pick at the LA Fitness in Sterling, Va. yesterday. ...

Pirates Plunder Walk-Off Win On Basically The Open Sea

Playing extra innings on Sunday in a ballpark that had essentially become an extension of the Allegheny River, the Pirates managed to capture a walk-off victory. First baseman Josh Bell was the one who showed off his sea legs and sent Milwaukee to Davy Jones’s locker, crushing the ball about 60 fat...

Starling Marte And Gregory Polanco Combine For Rare Slice Of History With Double-Header Dingers

History has a habit of repeating itself over and over in sports, especially in baseball. Saturday afternoon Starling Marte and Gregory Polanco got in some history-making of their own: they became the third teammates in MLB history to amass back-to-back home runs in both games of a double-header. Thi...