hp Page 24 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bumbling Package Thief Injures Leg, Is Rescued By Getaway Driver In Russell Wilson Jersey<em></em>
Stealing packages seems like a scummy, straightforward two-person operation: One briskly walks up to the house, while the other keeps the car running. This one on Friday quickly fell apart due to an unforeseen variable: wet grass....
MLBPA Sends Limp-Dick Memo About Payroll Slashing, Is Summarily Shooed Off
Next winter will be the real bellwether for the state of MLB payroll spending—handwringing over shrinking payroll today might disappear all at once if the movement of next winter’s studs lifts all boats—but the early indicators of this winter are troubling. The hot stove is cool, there’s a boatload ...
![This Other Angle Of The Eagles Fan Running Into A Pillar Really Delivers [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/iu7hwgqxr3vx9swpnzvx.jpg)
This Other Angle Of The Eagles Fan Running Into A Pillar Really Delivers [Update]
Anyone monitoring Philadelphia’s reaction to the Super Bowl-bound Eagles has presumably seen the video of the guy in the Brian Dawkins jersey running into a pillar. That instant classic of the Idiot Gets Hurt genre was shot from inside the subway train, and is now joined by a companion piece—an al...
The Hot Stove And The Triumph Of Shamelessness
Broadly speaking, America has never been great on shame. Pride has always been a strong suit, and fucking things up in shameful and improbable ways was the national pastime long before a more racist version of Slimer from Ghostbusters got elected president, but shame just sort of never caught on her...
Andrew McCutchen Meant Everything To Pittsburgh
Watch that clip up there. It says all there is to say about what Andrew McCutchen meant to Pirates fans in general, and to Pittsburgh in particular. For a long time, it was damn near impossible to imagine a Pirates player who possessed enough star power to affect young fans like that. Now that McCut...
Dolphin Owned To Death By Octopus
Your continued existence in this world is in many ways determined by how fortunately things break for you in the aftermath of a mistake. Some people step into traffic while looking at their phone and escape with nothing more than the particular fright that results from an unseen car coming to a scre...
They Can Destroy You, Too
“[Steve] Bannon’s political fall reveals a major weakness in his brand of right-wing populism: the overwhelming power wealthy donors have over the right-wing media and the Republican Party.” That’s according to the New Republic’s Jeet Heer, in a blog from last Thursday about the former White House c...
The Gerrit Cole Deal Sure Looks Odd For Pittsburgh
The Pirates have been playing with the burners of the hot stove for weeks now over the possibility of a Gerrit Cole trade, and now that it’s finally happened, they have surprisingly little to show for it....
The "Shit Bandit," A Mad Pooper Copycat, Torments Arkansas Household
A truly unfortunate woman in Little Rock, Ark. is the victim of one of the shittiest possible crimes: a mad poopening....
NFL Heiress Arrested After Sloppy Street Altercation
Jacqueline Kent Cooke, daughter of former Skins owner Jack Kent Cooke, was arrested last night after getting into an altercation with a man on an Upper East Side sidewalk....
Kevin Stallings To Heckler At Louisville Game: "At Least We Didn't Pay Our Kids $100,000"
Pittsburgh coach Kevin Stallings responded to a heckler at the end of tonight’s blowout loss to Louisville with a nice topical reference to the FBI sting that caught the Cardinals funneling $100,000 to former top recruit Brian Bowen: ...
Cris Cyborg Finally Gets To Prove She's The Most Dangerous Woman In The World<em></em>
Women’s MMA has seen a succession of stars rise and fall over its five years in the UFC....
Bless This Oafish Koch Heir And His Hideous Shirts
Because it is so cruel and so stupid, so petty and also so astonishingly vast, it is difficult to fully get a handle on the $1.5 trillion tax bill that the Republicans pushed through the House and Senate on Wednesday. A disconcerting number of little fees and insults in the bill are only now becomin...
The Penguins Do <i>A Christmas Story</i>
Every year, the Pittsburgh Penguins put out their own version of a holiday classic. This year it’s A Christmas Story, and I hadn’t realized this until now but the holiday season can’t officially begin until you’ve seen Kris Letang admiring himself in a bunny suit while Phil Kessel moans, “He looks l...
Ohio State Forced To Stop Recruiting Top Recruit After Obscure Kirk Herbstreit Photo Violation
Micah Parsons is considered one of the best high school football players in the country. The defensive end is ranked as the seventh-best overall prospect by ESPN and fourth overall by 24/7, and before today, he was considering joining Ohio State. However, Ohio State has agreed to stop recruiting Par...
How Steven Seagal Became A Useful Puppet For Post-Soviet Dictators
On a crisp November morning in Moscow, Steven Seagal found himself within the walls of the Grand Kremlin Palace, seated across from Vladimir Putin, the most powerful man in the Russian Federation. Dressed in a blood-red kimono and black trousers—a throwback to his days as a martial artist—Seagal obs...
Enjoy This Lovely Christmas Moment
Last weekend, Santa made a preseason appearance at the Tampa Bay Beach Bums Operation Santa Charity Volleyball Tournament to deliver a toy to a very lucky nine-year-old. He opted not to use a sleigh, instead skydiving into the beach but before that into a tree and a lightpole....
We Live In Hell
Alabama senate candidate Roy Moore, who has been multiply and credibly accused of sexually preying on teenage girls, recently sent a mailer to voters in order to convince them that his opponent, Doug Jones, is the wrong man for the job. Please take note of the first bullet point here:...
Seattle Sounders Fans Are Hopping Mad At Beer
I have, myself, been mad at beer. One time I drank several too many Smithwick’s at a pub quiz, and the following morning had the worst beer shits in the history of mankind. Fuckin’ beer! This is not like that: Seattle Sounders fans are mad at beer for, like, appropriation, or whatever....