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Hey, Let That Fake Investor Teen Live

Let’s begin by stipulating that Mohammed Islam, the Queens teen who lied about making dozens of millions of dollars via after-school financial investments, probably is a dingus. He is a teen boy. It’s a safe assumption. He is also, in his way, a hero....

NHL's Latest Suspected Mumps Case Visited Children's Hospital Last Week [Update]

The thing about mumps is that it's contagious well before you even realize you have it. Who knows what Sidney Crosby was licking and spitting on before his face swelled up like a decorative, seasonal gourd. But we know what forward Beau Bennett, the latest stricken Penguin, was up to: hanging out w...

Sidney Crosby Has Mumps

Sidney Crosby's mumpy-looking face on Friday did not lie. The Penguins' captain officially has the mumps. Crosby, who sat out Friday's and Saturday's games, will miss Monday's game against the Lightning. His status will continue to be monitored....

Penguins Broadcaster Apologizes For Insensitive "I Can't Breathe" Joke

Pittsburgh sports radio personality Stan Savran decide to reference the "I Can't Breathe" shirts in memory of Eric Garner while talking about the Penguins' struggles against the Blue Jackets last night. That was a bad idea....

Giroud Is A Wizard

Sure, Olivier Giroud is unmarked, but that's a marvelous angle....

Sidney Crosby's Face Is Messed Up And Sort Of Mumpy Looking [Update]

The Post-Gazette's Seth Rorabaugh noticed that Sidney Crosby looked a little different after today's morning skate:...

Man Picks The Wrong Damn Door To Shoot

The NYPD is asking for help identifying a man who shot the hell out of a door in a Bed-Stuy apartment building last month. As you can see in the security footage above, the whole door-shooting thing didn't work out so well for this guy....

The Piggyback Bandit Has Found A New Stomping Ground

Newer readers, or those with faulty memories, may have forgotten about Sherwin Shayegan, better known as The Piggyback Bandit. Let us remind you. ...

Fans Were Just As Drunk And Stupid In 1941 As They Are Today

This newspaper clipping, from the January 2, 1941 issue of The Bend Bulletin, is a welcome reminder that football fans have always been drunk and dumb....

Bad Man Employs A Damn McChicken Sandwich As A Tool Of Spousal Abuse

A Des Moines man is in jail today, after he assaulted his pregnant wife with a goddamn McChicken sandwich. And not by feeding it to her! By throwing it at her and smashing it into her face. That's way worse!...

Horny Bills Fans Have No Concept Of Shame (NSFW)

Below is a NSFW picture that was allegedly taken at Sunday’s Bills game. If you want a hint about what exactly you are going to see when you scroll down, please note that this post has been filed under the tag “BUTT ACTION.”...

Cops: Man Named Phuc Kieu Tried To Rape, Rob Man After Watching Porn

Phuc X. Kieu, to be exact. That middle initial's intriguing....

Why Is This Small Man Attempting To Assault Me?

It appears Jack Wilshere never learned the old "the bigger they come, they harder they fall" adage....

Man City Goal The Product Of Perfect Execution

Yaya Touré put Man City up 2-1 thanks to this gorgeous play in which everything worked to perfection....

No One Can Do The "OOH WAH AH AH AH" Part From That Disturbed Song

Even if you despise Disturbed and their chode-rock anthem "Down With the Sickness," you know what it is. And you know the part at the beginning when lead singer David Draiman hoarsely yells, "OOH WAH AH AH AH." After googling the phrase—initially looking for the five-minute "endurance test"—I found ...

Penguins forward Pascal Dupuis will be out at least six months after being diagnosed with a blood clot in his lung. Because the Consol Energy Center was built on an Indian burial ground....

"Hail To The Redskins" Is Obscene; This Man's Belly Is Here To Prove It

We've highlighted the sad and obscene history of Washington's fight song, but that still didn't convince all of you that it's not fit for public performance. So here's video of a shirtless guy with a mammoth gut dancing to "Hail To The Redskins," sent to us by reader Ben....

Rangers Beat Penguins In A Shootout, Then Don't

The Rangers and Penguins quickly exited the ice last night after Dan Boyle seemingly earned the 3-2 New York win with his shootout goal, but both teams had to scramble back when officials reviewed the replay and took away Boyle's winner....

A.J. Burnett Gave Up $4.25 Million To Get Off The Phillies

A.J. Burnett will rejoin the Pirates, signing a one-year deal that will pay him $8.5 million. Getting that figure is crucial, because now we can put an exact dollar amount on Burnett's desire to get out of Philadelphia and back to Pittsburgh....

Bruins Go Down 1-0 In First Period; Young Fan Loses All Sense Of Chill

This kid is apparently six years old, and that is an unsettling piece of information given the fact that he sounds like a nine-week-old baby when he gets upset. Anyway, he's mad because he's just watched his beloved Bruins go down 1-0 to the Leafs in the first period. ...