i Page 5778 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Insane Handbook: Bills Cheerleaders Are Told How To Wash Their Vaginas
There are a few things you need to know if you want to be a successful Buffalo Bills cheerleader. “When menstruating, use a product that [sic] right for your menstrual flow,” reads the “General hygiene & lady body maintenance” section of the handbook given to cheerleaders, known as the Jills. “A tam...
Oscar Robertson Is Right About Carmelo And The Knicks
Oscar Robertson, who is the highest order of NBA great and disagreeable sumbitch, went on SiriusXM NBA radio today and said that Carmelo Anthony should definitely leave the Knicks. There are a number of reasons why Melo should or should not leave New York, but Oscar actually hit a big one square in ...
Press Release Touting Newer, Hipper Ronald McDonald Is Batshit Crazy
Ohhhhh, Darren Rovell. Oh, you picked the wrong day to be suspended from Twitter, amigo. Because McDonald's just issued a press release for a fully redesigned Ronald McDonald, and it is fucking nutty. They don't even bother trying to sound human. They went the full Poochie. Let's take a look....
Do You Know These Runners? Because They're Probably Bastards.
Everyone wanted to be in the Boston Marathon this year, and the race actually expanded its field by more than a third, to 36,000, to accommodate everybody. But it still sold out, and then there's that pesky detail of having to pay. So four runners decided they'd find alternative means of entry, clai...
Original Script For Controversial <em>Game Of Thrones</em> Scene Very Different
There has been a lot of controversy surrounding the rape scene from the latest episode of Game of Thrones, in part because it deviated so dramatically from the way it was depicted in the book. Thanks to Dan Abromowitz and HappyPlace, we now know that the original script had the scene playing out ver...
The Cubs' 400-Pound Wrigley Cake Is Sitting In A Dumpster Right Now
To celebrate Wrigley Field's 100th birthday yesterday, the Cubs commissioned "The Edible Confines," a 5'x5', 400-pound cake version of Wrigley. It took four bakers six days to make. It took one day to be unceremoniously trashed, much like a century's worth of Cubs fans' hopes and dreams....
The NFL Schedule, Ranked By Week
Whoa, hey, the NFL schedule came out last night. Sure, thanks to perfect divisional symmetry, you already knew all 16 of your team's opponents this upcoming fall, but you didn't know the ORDER of those opponents, and the NFL knows that putting things in order is fun! Also, you get to measure your t...
Can You Predict If Your Kid Will Throw Left-Handed?
I'm at that age where my buddies from college are starting to sign their kids up for Little League. They'll differ in degree and in approach to helicopter coaching and buying up extravagant, miniaturized baseball equipment, but there's one thing they'll all agree on: They hope their kid's a lefty. ...
Original LeBron Hater Sick Of All The Bandwagon Haters
This right here is a brilliant piece of satire. Comedian Matt Lieb adopts the character of someone who has been hating LeBron James way before you were hating LeBron James, and in the process captures everything that is annoying about scolding fans who never shut up about bandwagoners. There's also...
Awful Man Snatches Souvenir Baseball Away From Little Kid
Perhaps there will come a day when adults will stop stealing baseballs away from kids, but this is not that day. This dude right here is shameless, and has obviously never consulted this handy chart. Behavior like this is only acceptable if you are stealing a ball from this awful Australian kid....
Northwestern Goes Union-Busting
Tomorrow, Northwestern football players will vote on whether or not to form a union, a right given to them by a National Labor Relations Board ruling last month. NLRB rules stipulate that no meetings can be held today, the day before the vote, to decrease the risk of outside influence—which doesn't ...
Pine Tar Should Be Fully Legal, And Baseball Is Still Fucking Insane
As you might know, Yankees pitcher Michael Pineda got booted from a game last night for rocking a swatch of pine tar on the back of his neck, in full view of everyone. The weird thing is that it wasn't the fact that Pineda used pine tar that got everyone pissy, but the fact that he did it so blatan...
Here's The Routine Play That Caused Russell Allen's Career-Ending Stroke
On Tuesday, Robert Klemko of The MMQB brought us the story of former Jaguars linebacker Russell Allen, whose career ended after he suffered an in-game stroke in Week 15 of last season. Above is video of the play that led to Allen's stroke....
How To Cheat, Do Drugs, And Succeed At Baseball, By Dock Ellis
We're big fans of Dock Ellis, obviously, so we enjoyed this latest animated short, narrated by the man himself and excerpted from Donnell Alexander's Beyond Ellis D. Honestly, listening to Dock Ellis talk about drugs, cheating, and Gaylord Perry is almost as much fun as listening to Vin Scully talk...
Every Stanley Cup Presentation Since 1949
Via Kukla's Korner, this wonderful video shows a few seconds of each Stanley Cup ceremony dating back to the '49 Maple Leafs. Some old-timey differences are disconcerting (the top half of the trophy used to come off!), but on the whole, it's a reassuring reminder that the ultimate goal hasn't change...
LaMarcus Aldridge And His Jumper Are Here To Torment
Here's how good LaMarcus Aldridge has been against the Rockets in the first two games of their playoff series: When I first saw this obviously fake and joke-y shot chart on Twitter this morning, my first thought wasn't, "Haha what a silly and stupid thing that is." It was, "Yep. Looks about right."...
Blue Jackets Fan Mixes Up His BJs
Ohio is catching Blue Jackets fever! Last night, ESPN's Browns writer Tony Grossi learned a little bit about his local hockey team, and also acronyms:...
Is Frank Vogel An Elite Quarterback?
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