i Page 7488 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

We Would Like Stories Of Your Gambling Travails, Please
From time to time, you gamble, and we write about it in a column called Bad Beats. Of course, there are no Bad Beats without your Bad Beats, so please, we beg you, send us any gambling stories you normally consider appropriate only for the company of drunken assholes....

12 Of The Year's Punchiest Hockey Fights, Evaluated By A Boxing Writer
As far as I can tell, the main difference between boxing and hockey fights is that during a hockey fight, you're standing on ice. And sliding all over the place. Therefore it becomes important to hold your opponents in place with one hand to stabilize them before you can hit them. Other than that,...

Soccer Fans In Portland Behave Curiously Like Soccer Fans In Any City Outside The United States
Look at all these throaty buggers backing MLS's new team — the Portland Timbers. The Timbers made their home debut last night. Portland fans got to sing the national anthem. So what if the Star Spangled Banner is the only song most Americans have at least some handle on that's not Top 40 dreck? (P...

Swiss Hockey Champion Breaks Really Cheap-Looking Trophy
We know you all were watching the Davos-Kloten game two days ago to see who could capture the David Aebischer Memorial Lucite Cylinder, who would be Micheline Calmy-Rey's sporting equivalent equivalent atop National League A....

Does The NHL Have The Balls To Continue Their Head Shot Crackdown In The Playoffs?
The league's done a top-notch job of saying and doing the right things as their NFL counterparts get blasted on ignoring head trauma. New rules against cheap shots and hits on defenseless players are on the books, and have been clearly expressed to the players. Everyone knows what you can't do. Bu...

Sidney Crosby, Rebecca Black, and Parody Videos: Everything We Hate, For A Good Cause
Playoff time means fans making parody videos for their teams. Spring 2011 means that at least two-thirds of those videos will be set to Rebecca Black's Friday. Enter Benstonium's "Crosby."...

This Uruguayan Striker Sets The Standard For The 360 Spin-Move Goal
Last night in Bolivia, Blooming and the Destroyers played their annual friendly, the Copa Fundacion de Santa Cruz. Blooming won the match 2-1, and this beautiful self-assisted spin-move goal from Uruguayan Diego Martinones was the game-winner. He nearly one-upped the Swedish kid's back-flip penalt...

Why We Can't Tell You Which Soccer Player Had An Affair With This Lady
Because we don't know. (We're pretty sure it's Giggs, but that's not the point.) And we may never know, as a British judge granted an injunction against a newspaper to prevent it from revealing the details of the player's affair with Imogen Thomas....

Here's Video Of A Pro Golfer Needing 16 Shots To Conquer A Par-4 Hole
Your morning roundup for April 15, the day after Walter Breuning died of natural causes. He was 114 years and 205 days old....

It Sure Looks Like Brian Wilson's Pal The Machine Had A Lovely Day After The Closer's Hair-Metal Birthday Bash
About an hour and a half after the Brian Wilson Hair-Metal Birthday Extravaganza gallery was posted this time yesterday, tipster Kevin F. chimed in to say, "the beard's b-day has some nice pics, but the video from the baseball game the next day was better. The Machine streaks through the bleachers...

Oh Great, Somebody Sent A Link To Another Horrendously Infuriating Canucks "Parody" Video
Writes tipster Ian White, "Now, on the heels of the Rebecca Black Friday parody, this just continues to prove that Canucks fans are the most creative out there. The cup is ours this year. Go Canucks Go."...

The Owl-Kicking Panamanian Soccer Player Has Acquired A Taste For Human Ribs
Remember when Luis Moreno of Deportivo Pereira kicked an opposing team's mascot — a living, breathing, hooting owl — to help save its wide-eyed soul in February, but it ended up dying of shock? Yeah, well, Moreno's back in the kicking-creatures business, and business is good....

Of Course Somebody In NWA Gear Recorded Barry Bonds's Post-Verdict Press Conference
If you care about the intricacies of where the Barry Bonds case goes from here, the Silicon Valley Mercury News posted, not very long ago, a story which states:...

A Bunch Of People Came Up With $25K So UConn Basketball Players Can Ride On Parade Floats After All
Yesterday, Mike Zaleski, executive director of the Hartford Business Improvement District, said if he couldn't get his fingers wrapped around $25K by Friday, there would be no parade to commemorate the victors of one of the worst college-basketball championship games in the history of round object...

Your NHL Playoffs Open Thread
At 7 p.m., the Canadiens visit the Bruins. Then, the Flyers host the Sabres. Finally, the nightcap features the Los Angeles Kings and San Jose Sharks. HOCKEY. (PHOTO: Afflictor)...

We Are All Dave McKenna LXIX (Alleged Arson Edition)
Here's your daily link to Dave McKenna's brilliant "Cranky Redskins Fan's Guide to Dan Snyder," which we'll be posting until Snyder's dumbass libel suit burns burns burns. Mwahahahahaha!...

If You Throw An Octopus On The Ice in Detroit You Could Be Fined $500 And Ejected (UPDATE: Statements from Red Wings, Police)
Tommy B. got home from last night's Detroit/Phoenix game but despite a Game One victory, he was sad. Sad because he had a run-in with Johnny Law. This, because he threw an octopus on the ice....

Surly Flag Football Coach Needs Team To Learn How To "Grab A Fucking Flag And Pull It Off." STAT
I can't get enough of the unhinged fuckery that exists in adult recreational sports. Like this flag football coach, who has had it with his team's uninspired performances right before the playoffs. That can't happen if you play for this coach (of flag football) if you want to be champions (of flag ...

Rio Ferdinand Is Cyberbullying Piers Morgan And His Moobs, For Some Reason
Cyberbullying is not funny. And it's certainly not funny when the former captain of England and the host of one of America's most influential talk shows [Deadspin editor's note: No.] start having a go at each other on Twitter....

Kobe Is Sorry, But It Wasn't A Damn Foul
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Kobe Bryant talks about the gay and lesbian community....