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Your Next CIA Director, Bill Belichick

Texas Tech's Toddrick Gotcher Proposes To Girlfriend On The Court After Senior Night Win

Toddrick Gotcher just won the last home game of his college career this afternoon as Texas Tech beat Kansas State. He scored 13 points and also one accepted marriage proposal....

Ducks And Kings Get Into A Very Testy First Period Line Brawl

There’s something oddly hypnotic about watching these three pairs of hockey guys wail on each other all at the same time, in near-perfect harmony....

Wisconsin Investigated Bo Ryan After Extramarital Affair, Denies It Caused His Resignation

Following allegations made in February 2015​ by a woman who claimed she carried on a lengthy affair with then-Wisconsin head coach Bo Ryan, the university conducted an investigation into his conduct and ​concluded in May​ that Ryan did not misuse university resources. According to a statement from u...

Carmelo Anthony Sounds So Sad After The Knicks' Latest Collapse

The Knicks have had a rather tempestuous last month. They fired Derek Fisher, got into just the dumbest heckling controversy, and had to hold a press conference denying that Kurt Rambis was, in fact, horny online. On top of all that, they’ve lost 16 of 19. Kristaps Porzingis’ continued delightfulnes...

Timberwolves Fans Sue Team Over Bullshit Ticket Policy

It’s not just the Yankees that are trying to shake down their own fans via oppressive ticketing policies. The Minnesota Timberwolves are doing their part to speed us toward a future in which all games are played in front of crowds consisting only of rich people and paid-for empty seats....

The Knicks Made Carmelo Anthony Apologize For The Dumbest Thing

Ah yes, we’re finally right back where we belong, in a world where the New York Knicks aren’t a surprising feel-good story, but a bumbling franchise that specializes in pulling bad PR out of thin air. I’m actually surprised it took us this long to get back here....

Small Child Cooks Kristaps Porzingis, Eats Him, Dabs

Knicks rookie Kristaps Porzingis had to go to some promotional event today and entertain some jamokes with a few half-hearted games of 1-on-1. He probably should have taken this kid a bit more seriously:...

Carmelo Anthony Tells Heckler To Go Bother Knicks Owner Instead

The excitement of having a good, young player has worn off, and Knicksdom has returned to its resting state: terrible and depressing. But still remarkably expensive, especially if you were fool enough to spring for floor seats. Like the dude who got kicked out for heckling Carmelo Anthony with four ...

This Rick Reilly Thing Sucks So Much

Last we heard from Rick Reilly, he was retiring to Italy after ESPN finally got tired of him recycling his own material. So what happens when you give an old sportswriter who perfected the art of mailing it in a shot at a Sports Illustrated cover story? You get this pile of shit....

Erin Andrews: ESPN Forced Me To Go On TV And Talk About My Stalker

Fox broadcaster Erin Andrews took the stand today in the trial over her civil suit against the Nashville hotel where she was videotaped undressing through her hotel room peephole. In one of the most frightening bits of testimony in a case full of them, Andrews explained how ESPN—her employer at the ...

Rice Pitcher Blake Fox Is Sly

College baseball, as much as we love it, embraces some of the sport’s worst elements: repeated bunting and pickoff attempts. At least Rice pitcher Blake Fox has an interesting approach to the latter, as his fifth-inning attempt to pick off a Ragin’ Cajuns runner used a very unconventional and, dare ...

Watch John Oliver MURDERSLAY Donald Trump

Making fun of Donald Trump is remarkably easy, but that doesn’t mean it ain’t satisfying. So why not sit back and watch self-described parrot banker John Oliver comprehensively rip Trump a new moneyhole for 20 solid minutes? You won’t be disappointed. You can’t be disappointed. Sometimes the easiest...

Amar'e Stoudemire Doesn't Think Carmelo Anthony Has Handled This Knicks Thing Very Well

“I was so involved with creating a positive atmosphere around the Knicks,” Amar’e Stoudemire said before Miami’s 98-81 win in his first trip back to Madison Square Garden since being bought out last year. “Now it’s gone the opposite way.”...

The Texans And Browns May Or May Not Be Interested In Colin Kaepernick, Depending Who You Believe

The Super Bowl was just three weeks ago but the NFL offseason is already in full swing. Thus far we’ve seen combine dong, Hard Knocks rumors, and the Ryan boys styling out. The draft is in two months, and teams are steady evaluating who can fill spots of need. One of those spots that could be empty:...

Here's Stephen Curry's Miracle Game-Winner As Called In Spanish And In Russian

Stephen Curry’s multiple-record-breaking series of three pointers tonight against the Thunder sent the Warriors out of Oklahoma City with a win they had absolutely no business taking. None of the threes were more mindblowing, of course, than the last-second-of-overtime long-range bomb that earned th...

Stephen Curry Heads To Locker Room With Ankle Injury [UPDATE: He's Back]

Stephen Curry left tonight’s matchup in Oklahoma City early in the second half after twisting his ankle in an attempt to drive to the basket....

Woody Paige: Peyton Manning Is Retiring [UPDATES]

The Denver Post’s Woody Paige, citing two unnamed sources, says Peyton Manning will announce his retirement this coming week....

Televangelist Finally Discovers Direct Link Between Nick Saban And The Devil

We’ve long suspected a link between Crimson Tide head coach Nick Saban and the dark lord Satan—the names are just one letter away, jeez!—but here’s televangelist David Uth pointing out that the link between Alabama and sin is one inscribed in the Holy Bible....