ick Page 618 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Nolan Ryan Buys Texas Rangers (Who Still Owe A-Rod Money, By The Way)
The Texas Rangers declared bankruptcy today, which was merely a procedural matter on the road to a $575 million sale to team president/good 'ol boy Nolan Ryan and his group of investors. First step? Pay off some really lousy contracts....

Renovated MSG To Bring Sports Arenas Into (A Six-Year-Old's View Of) The Future
The first thing that jumps out at you in the renderings of the new-and-improved Madison Square Garden are two "sky bridges" that hang over the floor. Gimmicky? Yep. Sure to be ridiculously-priced for something higher than the highest nosebleeds? You betcha....

Why Did Fans Boo Danica Patrick At Indy 500 Qualifying?
Helio Castroneves won the pole for next Sunday's Indy 500. But the real story out of qualifying yesterday was Danica getting lustily booed by the crowd. Let's posit some explanations....

The Ultimate Trick Shot Video: From A Freaking Plane
Yeah, those mad geniuses from Texas A&M known as "Dude Perfect" are back at it: this time, nailing a shot from a crop duster, on only the second take....

Genius Philly Fan Posts The License Plate He Stole From Montreal Writer Online
Everyone knows that all crimes committed immediately following a significant hockey victory cannot be prosecuted under the law, but that rule has always assumed that the suspects aren't complete blockheads who don't know how to keep their mouth shut....

High School Ballers Double-Team An Alley-Oop
During Saturday's Nike Tournament of Champions, teammates Eric Ferguson and Memphis-signee Jelan Kendrick threw down maybe the only four-handed alley-oop you'll ever see. We've set it to music. [Video via The Dagger; tunes via Lakmé and Mallika]...

Your Obligatory NBA Pot Bust
Wilson Chandler (the Knicks' second-best asset when wooing LeBron — yikes) was pulled over last night, and cops found a joint and five bags of weed in the trunk. Get ready for the first NBA medical marijuana defense....

Ron Mexico Cigars — Somehow Making 50-Cent Cigars Less Classy
Someone in the Dominican Republic knows what they're doing, judging by that Heisman pose on the label. Makes me wonder if they're actually intended to hold tobacco. But, you know, don't share them. Herpes sores and such. [Cigars International]...

Knicks To Woo LeBron James With C-List Celebrities
Chicago may be willing to hire the ultimate franchise-killer in order to lure LeBron James to their clutches, but they can't compete with the raw star power of New York's sort-of-recognizable personalities pleading on their behalf....

Paraguayan Soccer Player Rockets In 45-Yard Free Kick
For anyone not satiated by the Lionel Messi goalapalooza from earlier, here is another goal video from a funnily named player in a sports league in a country with which you're vaguely familiar. Somebody buy that man a Baviera. [Goal.com]...

Stories That Could Have Been Written Three Months Ago: Nick Johnson's Injury May Require Surgery
Brian Cashman crossed his fingers and hoped Nick Johnson would last more than a month, but it appears right after the deal was signed Johnson walked under a ladder and broke a mirror in a room full of black cats. [NYT]...

Five Guys Is Good, Just Ask Phil Mickelson
Remember how Phil Mickelson wouldn't stop prattling on about Five Guys last week at The Players? "Best burger I've ever had," he said. Yeah, turns out Lefty owns rights to Five Guys franchises in Orange County. [Sports Biz, via WUP]...

Internet Commenters, Ethnographized
New York Magazine's Doree Shafrir delved into the culture of internet commenting, specifically examining several popular websites. Strangely enough, she lumped you all in with the Gawker commenters. Show her how it's done down there in the mire. [NYMag.com]...

Drew Rosenhaus Breaking Flaming Bricks Is A Metaphor For His Negotiating Skills ... Or Something
Turns out Drew Rosenhaus, noted driveway-press-conference hobbyist, also enjoys training in the martial arts when he isn't forcing your favorite team to give an extra year and $3 million dollar roster bonus to Olindo Mare. [Tauntr]...

Secret Of Nats Success? Pretend They're The Rays
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Joe Torre, Foiled By His Own Enormous Hog. Allegedly. GREAT MOMENTS IN DRUNKEN HOOKUP FAILURE
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

A Short Video About The Snazzy New World Cup Ball
Of course, when football was first invented, it was probably played using sheep bladders wrapped in velvet cloaks, or old fishermen skulls....

Dumb Honky Radio Guy Fired For Doing On Twitter What Everyone In Sports Talk Does On Air
Bacsik, the former Nats reliever and leading demographer of the American Southwest, has been fired by KTCK-AM's parent company for all that "dirty Mexicans" business on Twitter the other day. Because sports-talk radio is no place for casual racism and half-drunk stupidity....

Dick Ebersol Gives ESPN Verbal Purple Nurple At Sports Emmy's Over Jerry Jones Video
"With many ESPN execs ... in the audience watching, Ebersol took out a cell phone and pretended to record Jones. He then said, 'I just wanted a call out to my friends at ESPN-TMZ.'" [SBJ]...

Don Nelson, Very Hands On When Bathing His Dog
Dirk Nowitzki says he once walked in on Nellie and his dog Lucky in the hot tub. If he had decided to join them, it would have looked like every German porno ever. [Sports Radio Interviews]...