il Page 1412 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Isn't It About Time MLB Takes Over The Mets?
It's "un-American," Frank McCourt would say. But so are monopolies, and baseball enjoys a one-of-a-kind antitrust exemption, thus Bud Selig pretty much has the power to do whatever the hell he wants. Why not flex those muscles and save the Mets from their owners?...

Armor-Clad Waterskiing Samurai Declares War On Stupid Fish
The silver carp has rapidly become the official fish of Deadspin. (Take that, sunfish fanboys.) They've endeared themselves to us by leaping from the water at the sound of a motor, leading them to beach themselves by the dozen or smack a lady in the face....

<em>Madden</em> Gets in Trouble for Outing a Team's New Uniform
EA Sports uploaded - then quickly yanked - a YouTube video teasing Madden NFL 12 Madden junkies love to pick these things apart for clues about this year's new features. In so doing, they also found the Buffalo Bills' new… [Kotaku] ...

Peyton Hillis Is <em>Madden NFL 12</em>'s Cover Star
Fans selected Peyton Hillis, the Cleveland Browns running back, to grace the cover of Madden NFL 12. Hillis prevailed in a five-week, tournament style vote-off that drew nearly 13 million votes, and was the final round winner over Philadelphia Eagles… [Kotaku] ...

Update: Oddibe McDowell's Water Bill Is Now $80.21
Via Broward County Water and Wastewater Services....

Obama Released His Birth Certificate In The Face Of Unrelenting Pressure From Tommy Tuberville
Tuberville, appearing Tuesday on Sean Hannity's TV show: "We've got enough controversy going on in this country. I don't know why he wouldn't just step up and say, ‘Here it is.' Obviously, there's got to be something on there he doesn't want anybody to see." [Lubbock Avalanche-Journal]...

As With Many Things, Rick Pitino Pulls Out Of Puerto Rican Coaching Job After Brief Flirtation
Louisville head coach Rick Pitino announced today that he will not coach the Puerto Rican national basketball team, citing conflicts with his duties at the University of Louisville. The job would have taken him away from the Louisville campus during the fall for a tournament in Brazil, and the NCAA ...

Dan Snyder Explains Why He's Being A Prick
Dan Snyder explains himself and his newly refiled lawsuit this morning over at Fred Hiatt's bullshit emporium. The piece contains all the spoon-banging you've come to expect from Snyder — "I am not thin-skinned" is probably the most ridiculous assertion on that op-ed page since whatever George Will ...

Dumbest Fish Alive Deserve To Be Dead
This is four-and-a-half minutes of silver carp leaping, unprovoked, into a boat. It serves as a fascinating video treatise on natural selection, and possible sport fishing....

Marriage License: Chris Bosh Is Officially Spoken For. Chris Bosh: No I'm Not.
Your morning roundup for April 24, a day Gabrielle Giffords continues struggling to recover, but recovering she is....

How Not To Get Caught Cheating
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Rafael Nadal 0, His Underwear 1
Reporting that Rafael Nadal won a match on a clay surface is a lot like reporting that the Mets lost a game, so we needed another angle on his 6-2, 6-2 win over Gael Monfils in the Barcelona Open quarterfinals today. Luckily, the cameras on hand for the match captured that angle for us. In the inc...

It's Hard To Blame Someone For Not Wanting To Play In Winnipeg
If indeed the Phoenix Coyotes have played their last game as the Phoenix Coyotes, netminder Ilya Bryzgalov won't be making the move north with them....

One Ref's Fall Over A Ceremonial Carpet Is Another Ref's Fall Over The Same Ceremonial Carpet
We're not sure where this clip came from, as the Leafs missed out on the playoffs for the sixth straight year this season, but sometimes — like when two men whose job it is to be alert on ice fail to observe and avoid the same ceremonial carpet laid out in front of them, for example — context just...

Bill Plaschke Is Easily Distracted
Because every stupid thing in sports requires one to take sides, we're torn on this one. Do we agree with the guy who willingly puts his life on display on an E! reality show, then says it's not fair to talk about his personal life? Or do we agree with — gulp — Bill Plaschke? You can see our dilemma...

This Might Be The Dirtiest Hockey Play We've Seen In A While
Sabres shit-stirrer Patrick Kaleta is public enemy no. 1 in Philadelphia these days, after drawing Mike Richards into taking an elbowing major. And, of course, this one, where he might have unlocked the door to the bench so Nik Zherdev could be pushed through and taken out of the play....

Phil Jackson's Zenergy Lulled At Least One Person To Sleep In L.A. Last Night
Your morning roundup for April 21, the day after McDonald's "National Hiring Day" in Cleveland got real. Real violent. Like, spitting in faces and hitting people with cars violent....

Holy Shit, This Guy From Arizona Really Might Not Have A Mouth
A Phoenix New Times story, headlined "Mouthless Meth Salesman Busted For Slangin' Meth, Keeping Unauthorized Shotgun Next To Bed," fails to answer one very important question: If Alan John Shepard doesn't actually have a jaw and/or mouth, what happened to it?...

The Restless Mind Of C.J. Wilson, The Rangers' Straight-Edge, Tolkien-Reading Enemy Of MLB Douchebags
The following is excerpted from Curtis's cover story in the May issue of Texas Monthly about the Rangers — "an AA meeting in spikes," he writes....
