il Page 1413 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Police Somehow Find 6-Foot-9, 300-Pound Former NBA Player Who Allegedly Pistol-Whipped A Guy At A BBQ
The Anne Arundel County (Maryland) cops on Tuesday arrested former NBA big big man Oliver Miller, who allegedly pistol-whipped a dude with a Glock at a barbeque on Sunday. Miller fled the scene in his 2003 BMW X5 with several buckets of coleslaw and the secret recipe for a vinegar-based sauce....

<i>NYDN</i>: "Blah blah blah blah rain blah blah blah Niese blah blah Astros blah blah Mets got spanked."
New York Daily News scribe Andy Martino has written a game story that speaks for every fan of the 2011 Mets. What it lacks in rhetorical fluency it makes up for in, uh, truth. This isn't an editing error, although it may look that way at first blush. The Mets have reached the summit of suck....

Jackass Columnist Blames Pitcher For Choosing Childbirth Over Pitching
I'm not a local, so I don't know how much of Dallas Observer columnist Richie Whitt's schtick might be part of his on-air radio personality, but I'm still going to bring your attention to this gem of a column:...

British Soccer Announcer Makes Most British Goal Call Ever
Dejan Stankovic scored a beautiful goal for Inter Milan in their 1-0 win over Roma in the Coppa Italia semifinal yesterday, and the great Ray Hudson was there for Gol TV's call. Magisterial, indeed....

Your Dreams And Skulls Shall Be Ground Beneath The Treads Of PhillieBot
Last night April 19, 2011, at 8:11pm PDT, the Skynet system went online, at least according to the Terminator franchise. Skynet first becomes self-aware tomorrow, April 21, 2011....

How To Deal With Crappy Refereeing: Quit The League
Mark Cuban take note: three teams in the Premier Basketball League have left the organization after some decidedly one-sided refereeing in the finals....

Blood On The Walls: Choice Bits From Blazers Owner Paul Allen's New Book
Paul Allen of Microsoft fame and fortune just published a memoir called "Idea Man." Chapter 14 is about the Blazers and basketball. In it, Allen claims that he beat Clyde Drexler and Kiki Vandeweghe in a game of HORSE. He says his friendship with The Glide affected his judgment and caused him to for...

Hey, Wasn't Basketball Awesome This Weekend? Let's Have A Lockout.
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: Billy Hunter talks tough....

American Almost Wins Boston Marathon!
So close. So far. Kenya's Geoffrey Mutai ran the fastest marathon ever, but failed to officially break the world record because of a tailwind. American Ryan Hall finished fourth. The women's race, however, offered the best hope for an American win in 26 years, when Desiree Davila surged past Carol...

Lionel Messi Smacks The Ball At Real Madrid Fans But Doesn’t Mean It. Honest.
Lionel Messi has always been seen as the exception to the rule that to be a proper good footballer you needed to be a bit of a 'orrible git. You needed to like head-butting people (Zidane), make well-late tackles (Scholes), be outrageously arrogant (CR7), shag prozzies (Wayne), or just do loads of...

Here's A Photo Of A Very Young Indians Fan About To Pound A Bottle Of Bud Light
This photograph is brought to you by tipster Jason Martynowski who notes, "I caught this on tv. Took a pic with my phone. Enjoy."...

Johan Franzen's Face Is A Sight To Behold
It hasn't even been a full week since Johan Franzen's jacked-up mug became post-worthy (See: NHL Playoff Blood Flows Red On The Regular-Season Rink). Less than 1.67 games into the playoffs, tipster Adam R. sends along this photographic artistry with the comment, "Franzen's face took a little bit mo...

The Tax Man's Charges Against Lenny Dykstra Actually Involve A Kitchen Sink
Your morning roundup for April 16, the day Ralphie turns 40, making a whole lot of people question their very mortality, their confidence as fra-gee-lay as a leglamp....

LeBron James And Erik Spoelstra Enter Honeymoon Phase Just In Time For The Playoffs
Every morning, the fine folks at Sports Radio Interviews sift through the a.m. drive-time chatter to bring you the best interviews with coaches, players, and personalities across the sports landscape. Today: LeBron James and Coach Spoelstra are totally crushing....

Reader Writes In About "Heinous," Camel-Toe-Laden Fishing Program; We Fix It
Matthew writes in, and we solve the problem....

NBA Selects Man Who Relocated The Sonics And Lied About It To Head Relocation Committee
It gets worse for Sacramento. David Stern has appointed Clay Bennett, second-most hated man of Seattle and 2008 Oklahoman of the Year, to lead its Relocation Committee. The deadline for the Kings decision has also been extended to May 2....

The Greatest Facebook Fail Ever
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase four heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

We Would Like Stories Of Your Gambling Travails, Please
From time to time, you gamble, and we write about it in a column called Bad Beats. Of course, there are no Bad Beats without your Bad Beats, so please, we beg you, send us any gambling stories you normally consider appropriate only for the company of drunken assholes....

It Sure Looks Like Brian Wilson's Pal The Machine Had A Lovely Day After The Closer's Hair-Metal Birthday Bash
About an hour and a half after the Brian Wilson Hair-Metal Birthday Extravaganza gallery was posted this time yesterday, tipster Kevin F. chimed in to say, "the beard's b-day has some nice pics, but the video from the baseball game the next day was better. The Machine streaks through the bleachers...

Rio Ferdinand Is Cyberbullying Piers Morgan And His Moobs, For Some Reason
Cyberbullying is not funny. And it's certainly not funny when the former captain of England and the host of one of America's most influential talk shows [Deadspin editor's note: No.] start having a go at each other on Twitter....