il Page 869 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Herm Edwards Flabbergasted By Small Football Jersey

Herm Edwards hasn’t been a professional football coach since 2008, and he hasn’t worked for a college team since the 1980s. Fashions and customs have certainly changed since then, apparently to Edwards’s surprise....

Australian Open Tournament Director Says Serena Williams Is "Very Likely" To Play 

Three months after giving birth to her daughter, and one year after winning the 2017 Australian Open for her 23rd major title while nine weeks pregnant, Serena Williams appears on track to defend her title and, should she win, tie hateful crone Margaret Court as the winningest tennis player in histo...

It's Better When Bradley Beal Just Shoots A Lot

I don’t know exactly what Bradley Beal had been trying to do in the five consecutive games the Wizards played without John Wall prior to last night’s visit to the Blazers in Portland. The Washington Post’s Candace Buckner has it that he was trying to create shots for others in the absence of one of ...

Crazy Russian Lady Slaps Carles Puyol In Face With Big Ol' Dildo

Retired Barcelona legend Carles Puyol expected to fiddle around with an assortment of (plastic) balls when he participated in last week’s World Cup group draw in host country Russia. But what he could not have expected was being accosted by a lady telling him “I want to fuck you, I have so big dick,...

Just Use The Horse Shampoo

Here’s the thing about head hair: You have to clean and condition it all the time. It’s a mindless process that becomes fairly annoying when, like me, you have long, thick hair....

This Looks Like A Bar Chart

Beyoncé Makes Surprise Appearance To Present Colin Kaepernick With <i>Sports Illustrated</i> Award

Beyoncé showed up at tonight’s Sports Illustrated Sportsman of the Year Ceremony to present Colin Kaepernick with the Muhammad Ali Legacy Award, given annually to an athlete who uses sports as a platform to change the world....

Florida State Hires Oregon's Willie Taggart To Replace Jimbo Fisher

It only took Florida State a few days to find a replacement head coach after Jimbo Fisher took a king’s ransom to move to Texas A&M. The Seminoles, who became bowl eligible with a win in a rescheduled game against Louisiana-Monroe this past weekend, announced today that they’ve hired Willie Taggart,...

Miles Mikolas, Noted Lizard Eater, Signs With Cardinals

Tasty stuff on the hot stove today, folks: The Cardinals have signed right-handed pitcher Miles Mikolas to a two-year deal. You may know his name from very brief stints with the Padres and Rangers from 2012 through 2014 (unlikely), or from his quite good performance in Japan over the past several ye...

College Basketball's Best Coaches Don't Have The Answers

In a piece published at CBS Sports on Tuesday, reporter Matt Norlander chatted up several of college basketball’s top coaches, hoping to find a path inside the minds of these titans, these innovators. The main question being posed is the one that’s been vexing the sport since the FBI fucked everyone...

Doug Marrone's Ideal Meal Is A Bologna Sandwich By Himself

Now that the Giants have fired Ben McAdoo, someone else has to be the spiritual successor to Jim Tomsula, a former doormat salesman whose figurative and literal hunger earned him exactly one season leading the 49ers, but oh, what a season it was. Jaguars coach Doug Marrone already seems like a viabl...

That Was Bad Football

A grimy football game can be fun, sometimes. Messy, brutal, even a little bit of dirty play can raise the stakes, or at least turn a game into a car wreck that can’t be looked away from. Steelers-Bengals was not fun....

Norwegian Cup Winner Fucks Trophy

Lillestrøm won the Norwegian Football Cup yesterday, with a 3-2 victory over Sarpsborg, and defender Aleksander Melgalvis celebrated very enthusiastically—by taking all his clothes off onstage and then placing his dick inside the trophy, so as to keep things modest. ...

Saints Get Special Teams Excellence From A QB Named Taysom

For a long time, the backup Saints QB has been a cushy gig. Aside from one emergency Luke McCown start in 2015, New Orleans quarterbacks other than Drew Brees have thrown 10 passes this decade. So, third-stringer Taysom Hill’s best chance to actually play is at a position other than quarterback. Thi...

New Arizona State Coach Herm Edwards Had A Bizarre First Press Conference

Herm Edwards, who hasn’t coached football since 2008, is now in charge of the Arizona State Sun Devils. The school’s athletic director and Edwards’s former agent Ray Anderson is convinced that this will be a successful idea. Try to parse this press release while keeping in mind that it is about a m...

What I Learned At Phil Knight's Big Basketball Birthday Party

PORTLAND, Ore.—Here is a story from Swoosh: The Unauthorized Story of Nike, J.B. Strasser and Laurie Becklund’s 1993 book about about the company’s early days. In 1975, Nelson Farris, Nike’s first employee—he still works there, “Chief Storyteller” or some such thing—went to a women’s track meet to s...

Jaguars Junction: Week 13

Well, another week has passed, and with it, another Jacksonville Jaguars victory game. (Higher score.) ...

Even Bill Belichick Knew Gronk's Late Hit Was "Bullshit" [Update]

Rob Gronkowski, a palooka with a new mean streak, somehow avoided an ejection after he crushed Bills cornerback Tre’Davious White well after the play was over. (White had to leave the game and be evaluated for a concussion.) ...

Stoppage Time Winner Sends Chapecoense To Copa Libertadores One Year After Plane Crash

One year after losing 19 of its players in a plane crash that killed 71 people, Brazilian club Chapecoense clinched qualification to the Copa Libertadores—the South American Champions League—with a last-second stoppage time winner scored by Túlio de Melo....

Serie A Keeper Scores Ridiculous Stoppage Time Goal On Flying Header

AC Milan had a 2-1 lead on last place Benevento in the 95th minute today, with Benevento setting up for a free kick deep in Milan territory. You know what that means: the underdogs pulled keeper Alberto Brignoli forward to load up the box. And is there any way I would be showing you this video if Br...