ill Page 404 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Women's Side At Wimbledon Is Chaos<em></em>
Alison van Uytvanck beat defending Wimbledon champion and No. 3 seed Garbiñe Muguruza 5-7, 6-2, 6-1 to advance to the third round. It’s just the latest upset to send a top-seeded women’s player packing in the first few days at Wimbledon....
<i>Uncle Drew</i> Probably Shouldn't Exist, But Definitely Isn't Bad
It is not a new or strange thing for professional athletes to want to be seen as more than the sum of their athletic achievements, and you don’t need to be a professional athlete to understand why. For the athletic portion of their strange hothouse lives, these people—normal humans, except for the ...
Play-By-Play Man Calls The Destruction Of His Own Computer Like A True Pro
Roger Hoover is the play-by-play man for the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, and during yesterday’s game against the Mobile BayBears, a foul ball zipped into the press box and wrecked Hoover’s computer. Hoover, keeping things professional, just sat there and relayed the action to listeners, describing th...
Everything Okay Over There, Robert Williams?
When the Celtics took Robert Williams with the 27th pick in the NBA Draft last month, they knew why he’d slipped that far. It wasn’t just because he can’t space the floor like all those other bigs taken in the first round—there were Character Concerns. Boston took the risk anyway. The Celtics have e...
An Anti-Doping Agent Occupied Serena Williams’s Property And Everyone Is Being Squirrelly About It<em></em>
Depending on your perspective, this is a story about Serena Williams getting upset over an unannounced drug test, or the alternately sinister and clownish nature of the U.S. Anti-Doping Agency, or Serena Williams being unfairly targeted for drug tests by USADA—or, perhaps, the perils of talking too ...
Let's All Laugh At Dellin Betances Trying To Hit Major League Pitching<em></em>
The Yankees are already a 50-win ballclub, and nobody on that team gets strikeouts at a higher rate than relief pitcher Dellin Betances. That’s why I don’t feel too bad laughing along with his teammates as Betances learns what it’s like to be on the other side of Major League pitching. In the eighth...
This One's For You, George Stephanopoulos<em></em>
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LeBronWatch: LeBron Is Definitely Headed To The Lakers Or The Club Or Maybe Both
Welcome back to LeBronWatch, your premier source for news about where LeBron James will be playing next season. LeBron has until Friday to decide whether or not to opt out of his contract, though opting in is no guarantee that he won’t still engineer a trade elsewhere. As of now, we know he’s planni...
U.S. Open Will Change Its Seeding Protocol To Take Pregnancy Into Account
The New York Times reports that the U.S. Open has decided to change the way it seeds its players to take into account a player’s return to the game following a pregnancy....
Willy Caballero Damns Argentina With Unbelievable Boner
It felt like a goal in today’s Argentina-Croatia match would only come from a defensive error, though it would’ve been hard to predict that the error would be as atrocious as what Willy Caballero just did:...
Phillie Phanatic Shoots Woman In Face With Hot Dog Gun, Sends Her To Hospital
The Phillie Phanatic aimed his hot dog gun, pressed a button and fired into the stands. The duct tape-wrapped hot dog flew through the air … and hit Kathy McVay in the face. It knocked off her glasses, gave her a black eye and sent her to the emergency room. She has to ice her face every 20 minutes....
Extremely Cool World Cup Fan Lights Cigarette With His Wallet
Is this guy at today’s Iran-Spain match using a damn wallet to light his cig? Why yes, he is. It must be one of those magic flame wallets. No, seriously, they exist....
Predators' Austin Watson Arrested For Domestic Assault
As first reported by the Tennessean this morning, Nashville Predators forward Austin Watson was arrested Saturday and charged with domestic assault after he argued with his girlfriend at a gas station and shoved her. A witness flagged down a Franklin PD car around 7 p.m. to report “a possible domest...
Cocky Millennial Busted By Bartolo Colon's Pick-Off Move<em></em>
The Royals’ Whit Merrifield has 15 stolen bases on the year, and Rangers pitcher Bartolo Colon had yet to pick off a baserunner this season heading into tonight. In this case, one would think that the 29-year-old on first base would have the clear advantage over the 45-year-old on the mound. But tha...
Ed Werder Bravely Speaks For All The Men Who Don't Have Jobs In Sports Media
Sports Illustrated is looking to hire an entry-level news writer—an hourly position for 40 hours a week—but Ed Werder is explicitly not allowed to apply for the job, and if he does he’ll be chemically sterilized and thrown into a lion pit, as per company policy....
The U.S. Open Course Is Chewing Everyone Up
After the first round of the U.S. Open at Shinnecock Hills in Southampton, New York, there was a four-way tie for the lead between Russell Henley, Ian Poulter, Dustin Johnson, and Scott Piercy, all of whom shot a one-under 69. After 18 holes, Shinnecock had yielded just four scores under par while e...
Antoine Griezmann Announces His Intent To Stay With Atlético Madrid In Moronic TV Special
Antoine Griezmann is famously a huge basketball head (though he’s much less well-versed in other aspects of American culture...), so it wasn’t totally surprising when he announced yesterday that he would reveal his long-awaited choice of whether to stay at Atlético Madrid next season or leave for Ba...
No Patriots Player Wants To Go On The Record As Saying Bill Belichick Is Fun
This week, Patriots head coach Bill Belichick wrapped up the team’s voluntary OTAs a little early as a little treat, and he also set up an off-the-field activity for his players. (Maybe that’s the damage control required when a former player says it sucked to play for you and trade rumors about one...
Achilles The Psychic Cat Picks Russia To Win World Cup Match Because He Knows Where His Mice Are Buttered
Happy World Cup day! The real competition begins today. Not the soccer; the psychic animals....
Bitchin' Politician Just Blasts Himself Right In The Eyeballs With Pepper Spray!
Levi Tillemann is a Democrat running for Congress in Colorado’s sixth congressional district, and he wants you to know he is a leader who will work to “break through the partisan gridlock” and honestly I missed most of the rest of it because holy shit the guy just unloads a fucking quart of pepper s...