im Page 355 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Kidnapped Shark Found Safe; Thief Confesses To Stealing Her To Replace His Old Shark
We have a very happy update for you in the case of Helen, the horn shark who was the subject of a daring stroller heist this weekend at the San Antonio Aquarium. Not only has Helen been found, but she appears to have been lovingly cared for by her captor, who stole her in the first place because he ...
Rookie Patriots Lineman Catches Punt, Wins Nights Off
If you ever had any illusions about how easy it would be for you to catch a punt, please watch Patriots rookie lineman Isaiah Wynn, a large man but an athlete nonetheless, struggle to bring one in at the end of a team practice:...
Cops: Trio Stole Shark By Swaddling It Like A Baby, Pushing It Out In A Stroller<em></em>
If you saw a baby being pushed in a stroller near the San Antonio aquarium on Saturday afternoon, guess what, it might have been a shark. According to Leon Valley police chief Joseph Salvaggio, three enterprising shark thieves made off with a three-foot long horn shark around 2:15 p.m. on Saturday a...
Jim Harbaugh Remains A Total Weirdo
College football season is nearly upon us, and with it comes the return of America’s favorite milk freak, Jim Harbaugh. The Michigan coach and cow enthusiast scored a key transfer this offseason when he got former Ole Miss QB Shea Patterson to head up to Ann Arbor, and Bleacher Report’s Matt Hayes t...
A Two-Win Team Won The Arena Football League Title
The Washington Valor won the ArenaBowl on Saturday night, beating the Baltimore Brigade, 69-55, to capture the 31st title of the Arena Football League. Arvell Nelson led the way for the Valor with five rushing touchdowns and three TDs through the air. ...
Braves Announcers Throw Exquisitely Awkward Tantrum Over Dodgers Batting Practice Attire
Braves announcers and crusty old fuddy-duddies Joe Simpson and Chip Caray threw the saddest little mid-game tantrum Saturday night, during a Braves loss to the Dodgers. Braves hitters combined for three total hits and eight strikeouts on the night, and Braves starter Max Fried took the loss despite ...
Simone Biles Cruises To A Win In Her Return To Competition
Simone Biles won four gold medals and a bronze at the 2016 Olympics, solidifying her position as the greatest female gymnast of all time. Those wins came at the end of an Olympic cycle that saw Biles completely dominate the sport by winning three consecutive world all-around titles, four straight na...
Jimmer Fredette, Of All People, Explodes For 41 Points In TBT Contest
Jimmer Fredette made his presence felt early and often against the Fort Wayne Champs in The Basketball Tournament Friday night, playing for, I kid you not, Team Fredette. The 10th pick in the 2010 NBA Draft exploded for 41 points and wreaked havoc from beyond the arc, shooting 6-for-11 from downtown...
Craven Columnist: Various Circus Clowns Say Jimmy Garoppolo Should Not Date A Porn Actress
Several great-grandparents were deeply scandalized this month by the revelation that 49ers quarterback Jimmy Garoppolo had dinner with porn actress Kiara Mia, despite it being 2018 and there just being nothing lamer than wringing your hands over the social life of a fucking football player....
Outfielder Carlos Gomez Takes Mound, Pitches Exactly Like Non-Pitcher
The position-player-as-pitcher trend continues piling up numbers at a record pace. Three more position players took the mound Friday night; the total across MLB is now up to 45, by far the most ever for a full season, and it’s still July. One of the recent unfortunate fellows was Rays outfielder Ca...
Most Embarrassing NFL Team Now Has Most Embarrassing Slogan
It’s never good to be a sports franchise that is so synonymous with failure that the prospect of brighter days ahead seems all but unimaginable. That ship sailed and sunk for the Cleveland Browns a long time ago, but now they seem to be attempting to reach an even more shameful depth. It’s one thing...
Simone Biles Makes The Absurd Look Routine<em></em>
Simone Biles is set to return to competition this weekend at the U.S. Classic in Columbus, Ohio. And in the podium training session today, she showed that she’s set to pick up right where she left off at the Olympics—by winning everything in dominant fashion with incredible skills that virtually no ...
After Years Of Disarray, Impact Wrestling Is Finally Getting It Together
If you’ve read about Impact Wrestling before in this space, you mostly haven’t read anything flattering. The wrestling promotion, which launched with weekly pay-per-view events in 2002 as TNA and is still widely known colloquially by that acronym—Total Nonstop Action, if you were wondering—has long...
Andrelton Simmons Lucked Into A Little League Homer Because He Was Playing The White Sox
Andrelton Simmons, the best defensive shortstop in the Majors since he made his debut in 2012, has had a career year at the plate this season, with a slashline of .305/.362/.427 that is on pace to shatter his previous career-highs. On Thursday against the White Sox, he bumped up his slugging percent...
Ignore The Haters, Wearing A Bucket On Your Head At A Baseball Game Can Save Your Life
Picture yourself at a mid-summer baseball game. You’ve had a few cold ones. You’ve polished off the bucket of 24 slimy buffalo wings that you spent $84 on. You’re honestly starting to get a little bored. I’m gonna put this damn bucket on my head, you think. That will spice things up....
Lawyers For Larry Nassar Say Judge Was Biased, Ask For Resentencing
Defense lawyers for disgraced former USA Gymnastics and Michigan State doctor Larry Nassar have asked that he get a new sentencing hearing in one of his criminal cases because, the lawyers believe, the judge who oversaw it made numerous statements that showed she had made up her mind beforehand. The...
The Sherpa Of New York
“This was the original price,” Serap Jangbu Sherpa assured them as he pulled down a waterproof jacket from the rafters, “but now you get 35 percent discount.”...
Report: Novak Djokovic Split Up With Hug-Loving Spiritual Adviser To Bring Back Old Coach
Newly crowned Wimbledon champ Novak Djokovic might look a lot like his old dominant self, but he’s still coming off a two-year major title drought and psychological slump. During that span, his support staff was constantly churning....
Polish Daredevil Becomes First Person To Ski Down From The Summit Of K2
K2 is perhaps the most dangerous mountain in the world. One in every four people who makes an attempt to summit it dies, and nobody has ever climbed it in winter. Only 300 or so people have ever even reached the peak of K2, and its relatively northern location makes it a particularly unpredictable m...
Bill Simmons Gets New Contract At HBO
Nearly three years to the day since since HBO first announced it was hiring Bill Simmons, the network has revealed its decision to keep the Sports Guy on board for another few years....