im Page 436 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

<i>New York Times</i> Endorses Monarchy 

In a move much anticipated by members of the royal court, the Kingdom of the New York Times has elevated a prince of Family Sulzberger to a position in line for the throne. ...

Tim Tebow's Batting Average Is Risen Today, Hallelujah<em></em>

And on the fifth day, his batting average rose again....

After 3 Days, Jesus Rose From The Dead. After 4 Days, Tim Tebow Is 0-12 In The Arizona Fall League<em></em>

Blessed are the merciful, such as Tim Tebow, who is showing mercy to any and all baseballs he could hit in the Arizona Fall League....

Nick Kyrgios Fined And Suspended For Tanking

Apparently unamused by Nick Kyrgios’s tanking antics in a second-round match at the Shanghai Masters, the ATP struck the No. 14 ranked player with a $25,000 fine for “Conduct Contrary to the Integrity of the Game” and an eight-week ban from the tour. ...

How It Feels To Be Losing To The Dolphins

Lawrence Timmons is doing just great, everybody....

Here's The Best Sports Highlight Of The Day

Dumb otter....

ESPN's Keith Law Calls Tim Tebow A Farce And An Imposter

ESPN baseball writer Keith Law, who has spent a good chunk of his adult life scouting and evaluating minor league baseball players, finally made it out to the Arizona Fall League to get a good look at Tim Tebow. He was not very impressed with what he saw....

Good Bird Chases Good Dog

I’m not exactly sure what this bird was planning on doing if he ever caught up to his dog buddy, but I admire his grit as well as his moxie. ...

Nantz: "They're Gonna Keep Kneeling As Long As They Have Cameras Right In Their Face" [Correction]

Here’s some off-air video from the Sept. 29th game between the Dolphins and Bengals. Jim Nantz has some things to say about Kenny Stills and Michael Thomas, who have maintained a season-long protest against police brutality....

The Florida Panthers Are All Wearing José Fernández Jerseys Tonight

The Florida Panthers paid tribute to José Fernández this evening en masse by all wearing Fernández’s number 16 jersey for their season opener. Here they are taking the ice....

Brent And Miko Grimes Owe The Feds Almost $200,000

Vulgar Florida football power couple Brent and Miko Grimes owe $191,471.70 to the IRS. A lien was filed today on a house the couple own in Miami, and the Miami Herald first reported on the Grimeses’ tax issues. As you can probably guess, Miko is not happy with them....

Alexander Zverev, The Large Tennis Kid, Can Move

At 6-foot-6, Alexander Zverev cuts a tall, almost skeletal figure on a tennis court. Curiously, the German 19-year-old’s path through the Shanghai Masters pitted him against the other extremely large tennis men, John Isner (6-foot-10) and Marin Cilic (6-foot-6)....

Alex Trebek Hilariously Shits On <i>Jeopardy!</i> Contestant And Her Whole Crew For No Reason

Man, Trebek really looked at her, took a breath, then dropped the hammer....

A Tortoise Raced A Hare

I won’t ruin this for you, in case you want to go grab a bud and place a bet on this....

Nick Kyrgios Tanks Masterfully, Trash-Talks Fans

Mayflies can live up to one day; the notion that Nick Kyrgios was going to take a serious approach to tennis lived for just three. Sunday, he won his first ATP 500 event, the Rakuten Japan Open, and by Wednesday he was gloriously tanking his second-round match of the Shanghai Masters against Mischa ...

Big Boy Jim Harbaugh Enjoys Huge Glass Of Milk With Large Steak<em></em>

“Would you like a drink to pair with your hunk of steak?” “Yes, can I see your two percent list?”...

Tim Tebow Closer To Sainthood After Healing Sick Fan For Second Confirmed Miracle [Update]

Let me tell you the story of Saint Timothy of Gainesville....

Alan Siegel wrote about The Simpsons villain Hank Scorpio and the episode “You Only Move Twice” for The Ringer, and talked to showrunner Josh Weinstein about Homer Simpson’s “Yes, once,” line when Scorpio asks if he’s ever seen a guy say goodbye to his shoe before. Weinstein said that Homer’s respon...

Hell Yes Tim Tebow's Teammates Should Be Trying To Make Money Off Him [Update]

Patrick Mazeika is a catcher currently playing Class A ball in the Mets’ organization. This classifies him both as a person who is struggling to make a living and also as a teammate of ultra-famous Tim Tebow. To Mazeika’s credit, he seems to have found a way to turn the latter circumstance into a lu...

Joe Panik Walkoff Double Keeps The Giants Alive

Joe Panik’s 13th-inning double to drive in Brandon Crawford gave the Giants a 6-5 win over the Cubs on Monday, keeping San Francisco’s season alive. The even-year cockroaches now have won 10 straight games while facing elimination....