im Page 924 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Bill Simmons Translator: Bill Swoons, Fawns
Whoa! A bonus Bill Simmons column, from the magazine this time. It's all Bill, all the time over here today; we're like The Sports Gal today, except we don't have to go to sleep wondering if we're gonna have to wake up in the middle of the night to take care of one of Bill's nosebleeds. It's Bill ...
More Cartoon Hilarity From Bill Simmons
Sometimes we wonder if our boy Bill writes the scripts for these things on a cocktail napkin while watching mid-'70s Celtics highlights on a treadmill. Here's this week's cartoon fun:...
We Can't Imagine What She Might Have Been Upset About
It appears O.J. Simpson spent his Independence Day getting beaten up by his ex-girlfriend. (You read that right: O.J. Simpson has had many girlfriends since 1994. That's a pretty lousy background check, if you ask us.) The woman, Christine Prody (who once told the National Enquirer that OJ confess...
NBA Stars Stand Trail For Beating Up Male Stripper. Yep.
Somewhat underreported around these parts, the trial of NBA players Gary Payton, Sam Cassell and Jason Caffey began yesterday in Toronto....
Bill Simmons Picks His Own Greatest Hits
With tonight's NBA Draft just about five hours away, our main man Bill Simmons clocks in with the50 greatest moments in NBA Draft history. Of course, that's not really what it is; what it really is is a collection of Bill's favorite one-liners from all his draft diaries. One imagines Bill staying...
The Bizarro Bill Simmons
From the great Yard Work satirical blog, here's an imaginary (but just barely) selection from Bill Simmons' mailbag:...
This Is What You Get For Drafting Someone From Miami
More details have come out from the arrest of Redskins safety Sean Taylor, and they're ugly. According to The Washington Post and police reports:...
Bill Simmons Translator: We Were Little, Swarthy People. No, Really
ESPN Page 2 columnist/national movement Bill Simmons has filed an unusually brief missive about last night's Game 7. You know what that means: It's time for The Bill Simmons Translator!...
Bill Simmons Translator: He Loved "The The!"
Now that ESPN Serious Journalist Bill Simmons has gotten pretty much every single prediction of the NBA Finals completely wrong, we thought we'd check in with him after last night's Game 6 with ... yes ... The Bill Simmons Translator!...
When A Fine Isn't Really A Fine At All
Whenever an athlete does something wrong — skip a practice, get caught with some of that ganja, stab a coach in the face — they end up either be suspended or, more often, having to a pay a fine. Typically, fans scoff at fines; players make so much that a fine is no punishment at all....
CSI: Jamal Lewis Edition
Ravens running back Jamal Lewis was released from prison yesterday, and his reward is having to talk to a room full of reporters. (He probably wishes he had stayed in jail.)...
Guess The Athlete!
Which former football player said the following, during an interview with a video game Web site about the upcoming "Blitz: The League," which follows professional players' lives both on and off the field?...
Another Bill Simmons Cartoon: Cell Phone
Yay! This Week's "Episode:" "Cell Phone"...
Lewis Free To Roam Backfields Again
Our long national nightmare is over: Ravens running back Jamal Lewis is released from prison today. No word yet as to what prison tats Lewis will come out with, or whether he'll have made a very special new best friends named Bunny (or Sarge). He does want to skip his halfway house in Atlanta to h...
That Sound You Hear Is Teri Hatcher's Rapid Footsteps
A couple of weeks ago, word escaped that Desperate Housewives star Teri Hatcher had hooked up with former Detroit Piston and current Best Damn Sports Show co-host John Salley. Well, we don't expect that relationship to last much longer....
Tell Us Where On The Doll The Coach Touched Himself
From the Motivational Speaker File: Miami high school baseball coach Lazer Callazo resigned yesterday after a curious attempt to pump up his team. To quote The Miami Herald:...
Jamal Lewis Soon To Be Nobody's Bitch
We are but a week away from Jamal Lewis' freedom. On June 2, the Ravens running back will finish his four-month prison sentence for drug trafficking. Apparently he's been doing fine during incarcertion, working in the prison toolshed and checking out library books. (Right.) How will Jamal adjust t...
Tampa Does What It Can To Please Bill Simmons
In a surprise announcement yesterday, the city of Tampa was awarded the Super Bowl in 2009. In a nod to the constant, insufferable bitching by everybody's favorite Interweb columnist, SportsFrog.com points out a key factor in the decision:...
Tyrone Calico: Parking Novice
Any teenage boy could tell you the importance of parking. When your parents won't leave the house and you can't afford a hotel, the only place you can make out with girls is in your car. There are some key rules, though:...
Bill Simmons Changes Format For 5,234th Time
You know what we admire about Bill Simmons? His rock-solid consistency. Once again, Bill is explaining to us again why his site updates with the regularity of a malfunctioning strobe light. Supposedly — and this was a little confusing — Bill's going to post short items on More Cowbell (exactly th...