im Page 678 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Bryce Harper Needed 10 Stitches After Hitting Himself In The Face With His Bat
The Nationals beat the Reds last night 7-3 so it was really only an afterthought that Bryce Harper beat himself 10-0. After grounding out to second in the seventh inning, "Harper whacked a wall down the tunnel from the Nationals dugout with his bat." The bat then Mike Emricked off the wall and hit ...

Chris "Birdman" Andersen Is The Victim Of An Extortion Attempt, His Lawyer Says
Yesterday's shocking news of a child porn investigation at the house of Nuggets center Chris "Birdman" Andersen has led to today's announcement by Andersen's lawyer that he may be an extortion victim....

Sacha Baron Cohen Doesn't Know You're Tired of Him
One of the surest signs you've become a successful comedian is that a lot of people absolutely can't stand your shtick. When you're starting out in standup or as a performer, you're desperate to get noticed, but you also have the time to hone your act and experiment and figure out your unique thing,...

Report: Michelle Beadle Is Leaving ESPN For NBC
As expected, it looks like Michelle Beadle is leaving Bristol. Those Guys Have All The Fun author Jim Miller tweeted today that the Beadle "ESPN era is over." It appears she is headed to NBC. Miller said she will serve as co-host for Access Hollywood (alongside Billy Bush), will host a "new show," a...

Thunder PA Announcer Arrested And Fired After He Allegedly Forced Kids To Watch Him Masturbate
Jim Miller, the public address announcer for Oklahoma City Thunder games, was arrested yesterday and charged with three felony counts of lewd or indecent acts with a child under 16. The Thunder announced shortly thereafter that they had fired Miller....

Dwight Howard's Rehab Is Basically Him Limping Around Beverly Hills With His Socks Pulled Up To His Neck
A reader named Luke sent this in and says it's something he sees "like 3 times a week." So this is what a premier athlete's rehab looks like: the 5 p.m. early-bird dinner rush....
![Report: Chris "Birdman" Andersen's Home Is Target Of Kiddie-Porn Investigation [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17m7x73c24njyjpg.jpg)
Report: Chris "Birdman" Andersen's Home Is Target Of Kiddie-Porn Investigation [UPDATE]
Denver's 9News is reporting that Nuggets center Chris "Birdman" Andersen's home is the target of an investigation by the Internet Crimes Against Children division of the Douglas County Sheriff's Department....

Lifelong Yankees Fan Tim Tebow Will Rename His Dog "Bronx"
Tim Tebow's dog used to be named Bronco. In fact, that's been his name for the past year and a half, since Tebow got him. But now Tebow plays for the New York Jets, so his name is going to be changed to "Bronx," for reasons that aren't yet entirely clear. Is it football season yet?...

Orioles Employ Extra Security In Futile Attempt To End Streaking Epidemic
The second-place Orioles have had just enough of your streaking ways, citizens of Baltimore. You had your fun on April 6, what with your Batman-inspired impostor, a.k.a. 26-year-old truck driver Mark Harvey, who was later permanently banned for life from the stadium....

Vernon And Vontae Davis's Younger Brother Charged With Murdering A Man With A Claw Hammer
According to various reports out of Washington, D.C., police in the nation's capital have filed first-degree murder charges against Michael W. Davis, 19, in connection with the April 24 death of a Denver tourist....

Brian Downing, Krystal Restaurant Named In "Alabama Teabagger" Lawsuit
Remember Brian Downing? He's the gentleman alleged to have been caught on video performing a certain sexual act on a passed-out LSU fan in the hours after the BCS Championship game this year in New Orleans. (See our full coverage here.) That act, which the New Orleans Times-Picayune describes as "p...

The Harvard Baseball Lip-Synch Video That's Sweeping The Nation
Suffice it to say, I had no clue who Carly Rae Jepsen was when this video started circulating a couple of days ago. Evidently, the song is called "Call Me Maybe," which I also had to look up because I hadn't ever heard it before. Our old pal Emma Carmichael called it "the new perfect pop song" bac...

An Unassisted Triple Play Is So Easy A 6-Year-Old Can Do It
And to think, there's only been 15 of these in MLB history. Pffft....

Tim Burton Bottoms Out. <em>Dark Shadows</em>, Reviewed.
1. How was there ever a time that we considered Tim Burton weird? He certainly isn't weird now—give this guy a slight haircut and he's essentially an insurance salesman—but in retrospect, knowing the bloated, self-satisfied cookie-cutter hack Burton turned out to be makes one wonder what all the exc...

Vladimir Putin's Game-Winning Goal Against The "Legends Of Russia" Was So Obvious
Here's a sporting feat that even Kim Jong Il would've appreciated. Just hours after his presidential inauguration Monday, Vladimir Putin led a team of amateur hockey players against a squad known as the Legends of Russia, which included such former professionals as Slava Fetisov, who just happens ...

Despite Hitting Four Home Runs, Josh Hamilton Could Not Secure A Majority Of The Player Of The Game Vote
In you were in the mood to have your head explode this morning, here you go. (Obviously this is the poll taken on the Baltimore MASN broadcast, which may be a measure of the grasp Orioles fans have on reality, or at least Orioles fans who possess cell phones.)...

Ozzie Guillen Tells Reporter To "Fucking Grow Up" For Asking About Fidel Castro
Shock of shocks, it appears as if Miami Marlins manager Ozzie Guillen isn't feeling as contrite and apologetic as he was a month ago when he apologized profusely for making some controversial comments about Fidel Castro. Guillen was subsequently suspended, he made a heartfelt plea for forgiveness,...

Better Know An Umpire: Jim Joyce
Welcome to Better Know An Umpire, an effort to educate ourselves on the human elements who have ultimate decision-making power over some 2,500 Major League Baseball games a year. (All cumulative statistics are through the 2011 season, unless otherwise stated.)...

Jamie Moyer Has The Oldest Grudges In Major League Baseball, Too
Nobody survives till age 49 in the major leagues without making enemies. Hence Jamie Moyer's dustup with whippersnapper Chipper Jones this weekend. And before that, the middle-aged mushballer talked to Westword for a feature story. In one of the outtakes, he explained that he had come close to signi...

Vin Scully Raced Jackie Robinson On Ice Skates
For those of us living on the East Coast, there's no better teller of bedtime stories than Vin Scully. The embodiment of a man who has forgotten more about baseball than any of us will ever know, Scully weaves narratives from his 63 years with the Dodgers into his description of the events on-fiel...