im Page 680 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
![Report: Terrell Suggs Tears His Achilles Playing Basketball, Will "Likely" Miss 2012 Season [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17lhr39clij6kjpg.jpg)
Report: Terrell Suggs Tears His Achilles Playing Basketball, Will "Likely" Miss 2012 Season [UPDATE]
According to Adam Schefter, it doesn't look good for the the NFL's reigning defensive player of the year....

Tim Welke Demonstrated Why "The Human Element" Is A Pathetic Joke
Tim Welke's the embodiment of the "human element" defense of baseball's reliance on live umpiring and reluctance to use replay except in specific situations. Indeed, it was that phrase he used in his letter to Sports Illustrated complaining about the use of his picture in their "Kill The Ump" iss...

Iowa Girl Takes Life-Sized Cardboard Cutout Of Tim Tebow To Prom
Rachel Bird of Kingsley, Iowa, didn't have a date for her prom on Saturday. She really wanted to go with Tim Tebow. She tried asking him to go via Twitter. She tried contacting his agent. She also tried the Jets. Nothing....

History Is Bunk, When The <em>New York Times</em> Writes It About The Yankees
Two of the worst things in sports are Yankees homerism and New York Times writers who want to impress people. Put them together, and you get the Times's Mark Viera, coming off the sports department bench to gloat in yesterday's paper about the Yankees' 2-1 win over the Orioles the night before. His ...

Joakim Noah, Ankle-Breaking Point Man
The Bulls' first game without Derrick Rose was a dud—they lost Game 2 to the Sixers by 17—but for one, brief moment, Joakim Noah left poor Thaddeus Young in a heap with this fake crossover and kick-out....

Joss Whedon: Revenge Of The Nerd
Five years ago, Joss Whedon's career wasn't going so well. The man behind the TV shows Buffy the Vampire Slayer and Angel had recently written and directed Serenity, a big-screen version of his short-lived series Firefly. It was his feature directing debut, and it was a commercial disappointment. No...

Joe Cowley Has Been "Reprimanded Appropriately," Reports Paper That's Not The <i>Sun-Times</i>
Boy, how did the Sun-Times get scooped on this one? Their columnist Joe Cowley spends years trolling everyone, degrading women, and just acting like an all-around dick, and he finally gets in trouble, and I have to read about it in the Tribune? I guess the Sun-Times isn't your one-stop shop for all ...

Did Hideki Matsui Really Watch 55,000 Adult Videos?
I was fucking around on Twitter yesterday and I realized that Twitter should be able to allow you to block entire SUBJECTS. So if you really want to see The Avengers but don't want some asshole to spoil it for you, you just enter a block for any tweets that have the word "avengers" or "nick fury" or...

Maybe The Marlins Just Suck
There's a numbers-heavy post up on Fish Stripes today suggesting that the 8-14 Marlins are due for a regression and an improvement. Let me make this counterargument: they're not. They might just suck....

Twitter Asshole Joe Cowley Had Me Fired From The <i>Sun-Times</i>
It's fitting that it was on Twitter where Joe Cowley finally pushed the wrong buttons and clued everyone in to just what an ass he is. Because it was Twitter that provoked tough guy Joe into throwing his weight around, and getting me fired from the first journalism job I ever had. ...

Florida State's New Mascot Is Just The <em>Cutest</em>
Meet Cimarron, the new incarnation of a Florida State mascot that apparently existed once but which nobody remembers. FSU already has a mascot, of course, a Native American named Chief Osceola who attempts to set fire to football fields while riding his trusty mount Renegade. Turns out Osceola isn'...

Manu Ginobili Tries To Dunk From One Step Inside Foul Line, Fails Miserably
He did manage to successfully complete two other dunks during yesterday's win over the Jazz, but neither was as much fun to watch as this. [The Basketball Jones]...

Dear Abby: Cleveland Sports Have Created An 8-Year-Old Psychopath
Yesterday's "Dear Abby" column featured "Good dad in Cleveland," who's seeking advice on what to do with his eight-year-old son, understandably driven to animal abuse by the frustrations of being a Cleveland sports fan. Little Junior loves sports, you see, but "he has trouble accepting a loss. He'll...

Minnesota Vikings Running Back Caleb King May Have Fractured Someone's Skull At A Birthday Party
Caleb King was an undrafted free agent last year from Georgia and spent most of the year on the Vikings practice squad. This weekend he was invited to a birthday party that apparently raged until 3:00 a.m., only to end with King allegedly beating a fellow reveler to such an extent he suffered skull...

Joe Cowley: The Best Sexist Around, Nothing's Gonna Ever Keep Him Down
So, Joe Cowley. Hilarious satirist, or serial sexist? We'll try to address that soon, but first, let's discuss why you are watching the final tournament fight scene from The Karate Kid scored to Joe Esposito's "You're The Best Around." It seems Cowley had a signature sign off for those he was thro...

Hello, Friends! A Young Jim Nantz In A Hot Tub With John Stockton And The Utah Jazz
According to the information provided by the YouTube uploader, this interview occurred prior to Utah's decisive Game 5 win over the Houston Rockets in the 1985 NBA Playoffs. It's times like this when it's fun to reflect back to quiet dignity with which Nantz read promo after promo for Lizard Towin...

Tim McCarver Blames Global Warming For The Increase In Major League Home Runs
We'd normally save this sort of thing for McCarve'd Up (which will be back next week after being pre-empted for NFL draft coverage) but Tim McCarver said one of the stupidest things ever spoken on a television broadcast today, blaming global warming for "making the air thin" and thus leading to a...

Jeff Francoeur Gets 100th Assist Off Ryan "Doormat" Line Drive
We're not sure if someone has got it in for Ryan Doumit over at Yahoo, but as you can see, a typo (??) credits Jeff Francoeur with his 100th assist after doubling up Joe Mauer on "Ryan Doormat's liner to right-center."...
![Here's Umpire Jeff Kellogg Tackling A Streaker At Tonight's A's-Orioles Game [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/Image_Not_Found_1x_qjofp8.png)
Here's Umpire Jeff Kellogg Tackling A Streaker At Tonight's A's-Orioles Game [UPDATE]
Jeff Kellogg was behind the plate for tonight's A's-Orioles game, when during the Seventh Inning Stretch a shirtless fan came onto the field and (painfully, we imagine) slid headfirst into home plate....

After Today's Arrest, Fox Sports Detroit Has Decided To Call Him "Demon Young" Now
Reader Dave just sent this in. Isn't Young innocent until proven guilty? Not so much....