im Page 690 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Marlins Are Testing The Safety Of Their Fish Tank By Throwing Baseballs At It
I love me some animal welfare, but can't get too worked up by the Marlins having a tank filled with live fish embedded in the backstop of the new Marlins Park. For one, fish are dumb. For another, the other option, the ocean, is not exactly a paradise. There are predators and seaquakes and boats and...
Bronze Medal Ping Pong GOD Bravely Resigns From Goldman Sachs
By now, you may have already heard of Greg Smith, an executive director at Goldman Sachs who resigned his post today, and did so the way all filthy rich people do: via New York Times op-ed. And the greatest thing about Smith's editorial is that he manages to tuck his entire resume into the column:...
TV Station That Fell For Parody Of Hines Ward Signing With The Ravens Now Says He's "Returning To The Ice"
Pittsburgh's WPXI-TV meant to say Sidney Crosby, just like they never meant to say this....
Chicago Bears WR Brandon Marshall Accused Of Punching A Woman In Club FIght
It was reasonable to assume that the Dolphins parted with Brandon Marshall, for a discount price, to make Peyton Manning happy. It's the same sort of roster-baiting the Titans are engaging in with their very public courtship of guard Steve Hutchison. But things can have, like, more than one reason, ...
The Shocking Proof That Tim Tebow and Tebowing Are Cosmically Linked
Tebowing! Remember those days, before the Linsanity smacked us all upside the head? Man, that was a fun time, what with all the kneeling and praying, sometimes near mountains, in utero, or on embarrassing holiday photos....
March Madness Means Charles Barkley Fueling Your Future Night Terrors
The odd, temporary marriage between CBS and Turner during the NCAA tournament means occasional instances of one's chocolate being found in another's peanut butter, or vice-versa if you will. College basketball fans get a taste of TNT's Inside the NBA wackiness while NBA mavens let Jim Nantz singleh...
Today In An Angry White Guy Totally Tried To Crash A Bus When It Missed His Stop News
"According to deputies Robert Galantine, 49, grabbed the steering wheel twice while the bus was moving in an apparent attempt to get the driver to exit the freeway. Galantine reportedly believed the driver was supposed to exit and demanded he get off the freeway, Chacon told the OC Register. During...
Is Harvard Now Behaving Like Any Other College Basketball Juggernaut?
Four years ago, Pete Thamel wrote a story in the New York Times about how new Harvard coach Tommy Amaker had landed a potential recruiting class that experts ranked as one of the top 25 in the nation. How'd Harvard do it? Thamel reported that the school was considering players with lower academic st...
Jack, The Georgetown Bulldog, May Need Knee Surgery
At eight years old, Jack is no spring chicken. But he recently injured his leg jumping to the couch, and is going for a second opinion to see if surgery will be required. Not a great day for the Hoyas, who won a tournament bracket based on tuition. Not a great day for Jack, because he's a Bulldog an...
Philadelphia Goalkeeper Zac McMath's MLS Season Did Not Get Off To The Best Start
Major League Soccer kicked off this weekend, and with MLS Commissioner Don Garber in attendance, the Portland Timbers were eager to put on their best show in the home opener against Philadelphia Union last night. After falling behind 1-0, the Timbers' Andrew Jean-Baptiste knocked this goal past U...
It Is Entirely Possible That Chris Kaman Killed This Cat Just To Make A Point About The Schedule
Kaman and the Hornets are playing the Bobcats tonight. So naturally Kaman took to Twitter to pose with a dead bobcat. This requires a very important question, any answer to which leads to further questions: where did he get a dead bobcat? Did he borrow it from a friend? Did he already have it in his...
Mets Bullpen Catcher Flips His Car, Tries To Flee On Foot, Is Charged With DUI
Every Sunday night during camp, the Mets have team bowling outings. Seems like fun. Bowling, unlike baseball, is a game at which the Mets could conceivably succeed....
Scrappy College Basketball Team From Just Outside Of Boston Makes It Big
This is the front page of today's Boston Herald. Not the sports cover. The front page. All because Harvard got the spot in the tourney it knew it would get as of Tuesday. All Boston learned yesterday was that the Crimson would be playing Vanderbilt in Albuquerque in the first round, which is actuall...
Add Tim Tebow To The Quarterback Carousel, Thanks To Peyton Manning
Shall we catch up on the weekend in Peyton Manning? ...
NBC Stalks Tiger Woods's Car With A Blimp; ESPN Asks If Peyton Manning Was Riding Shotgun
Tiger Woods dropped out of today's final round at the Cadillac Championship, citing leg trouble before he drove away. In an apparent attempt to ascertain the degree of injury based on his driving, the Peacock Net tasked its blimp with chasing Tiger's car as it escaped Doral. It's unclear what's b...
The Name Of The Year Bracket Is Down To The Final Four
Yes, it's the 2011 bracket, and yes, it's taken a year. But life happens sometimes, you know? It's up to you, the voter, to decide whose name reigns supreme. Will it be Delorean Blow or Courvoisier Winetavius Richardson? Neptune Pringle III or Taco B.M. Monster? Vote now, because the 2012 tournament...
The Eddie Murphy You Love Is Dead
While suffering through this year's Oscars—ha ha, Billy Crystal kissed George Clooney, ha ha—it was hard not to think, "Geez, if Brett Ratner had kept his mouth shut, none of this would have happened and Eddie Murphy could have been the host." Indeed, the news last year that Murphy had agreed to hos...
The Mark Cuban Gay Joke ESPN Doesn't Want You To Hear [UPDATE]
For two days, Cuban vs. Simmons was billed as the marquee event at last weekend's MIT Sloan Sports Analytic Conference, sponsored by ESPN. It certainly didn't disappoint as the two took the stage late Saturday and engaged in an hour-long discussion ranging from the NBA lockout to how teams can eng...
Internet, Prepare Your Wanking Motions: Harvard Prigs Talk About Team's NCAA Tourney Bid
So I went to Harvard. It was a daily challenge not to slug many of my classmates in the face. There are plenty of good people at Harvard. There are also a great many egotistical children convinced that their prattling is the stuff of genius. Too many politicians in training wheels. Too many cowards ...
<i>Silent House</i> And The Rise Of The Gimmicky Horror Movie
On Friday, the horror movie Silent House comes out. One of its selling points is that it stars Elizabeth Olsen—who was terrific last year in a very different sort of horror film, Martha Marcy May Marlene—but probably the hook that will be most intriguing to genre fans is that the whole movie takes p...