im Page 691 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Giants Eject Angels Scout From The Ballpark, And Now Everybody's Angry
You might not realize it, but the most interesting place in the baseball universe is Scottsdale, Arizona. Last week saw a mass bee attack hold up a Giants game, and yesterday brought us our first feud of the 2012 season as Giants manager Bruce Bochy kicked out an Angels scout....

Harvard Is Going Dancing Too, Though They Were Studying When They Found Out
There's no video of Harvard celebrating winning the Ivy League (which has no postseason tournament) and thus earning their first ticket to the NCAA Tournament since 1946. That's because it happened last night when Princeton beat Penn, and Harvard players were in the library studying for midterms. ...

Slam Cover Goes Retro, With Rubio and Love As Marbury And Garnett
Slam's Farmer Jones has a lovely story on what it took for Kevin Love to earn this honor—a year-old promise that if he could average 20 and 15, the cover was his. Love somehow did it, but these days you can't do a T-Wolf without including Ricky Rubio. So the two recreated a famous 1997 cover, featur...

Lenny Dykstra's Accountant Wanted To Launch A Charlie Sheen Energy Drink
The latest issue of Sports Illustrated has a feature by David Epstein about the human flotsam that is Lenny Dykstra, who was sentenced on Monday to three years in California state prison after pleading no contest to grand theft auto and filing a false financial statement. Epstein spoke with an LAPD ...

New Illinois Football Coach Using Porridge As Punishment
This is how Tim Beckman hopes to rid the Illini program of the taste left by Ron Zook's seven seasons in charge:...

Hines Ward Signs With Ravens, Reports Pittsburgh TV Station That Fell For Obvious Parody
It’s not clear how this exclusive BroCouncil “report” could have fooled anyone, let alone that intrepid crew of news readers at WPXI-TV, who lamented Ward’s departure for the Steelers’ biggest rival at the top of their 6 a.m. newscast this morning....

Marlins President Calls Miamians Stupid, Jose Reyes Greedy
If you know anything about the sweetheart deal the city gave the Marlins to build a new stadium, you know team president David Samson basically bent Miami over a pinball machine and had his way with it. But he's far from done with the humiliation—with his remarks to a gathering of local business lea...

Ronald McDonald Loved Seeing Bryce Drew, But The Ole Miss Fan Sitting Next To Him Just Grimaced The Whole Game
I don't have the context for this, and I don't want it. Clowns get damn good seats for being as scary as they are, and if you don't know why Ole Miss still hates Bryce Drew, take a trip down memory lane back to 1998....

World's Biggest Cricket Benefactor Found Guilty Of $7 Billion Ponzi Scheme
Allen Stanford, the Texas "financier" who once lavished millions of dollars on cricketers around the world, was convicted today of allegedly swindling investors out of more than $7 billion:...

Ronda Rousey Mangles Arms And Mean Mugs With The Best Of Them
If you only watched the main event of the Strikeforce event on Saturday, you would have seen judo Olympian Ronda Rousey turn Meisha Tate's arm into a bucatini noodle. But you might have missed Rousey scare the bejeezus out of Showtime host Heidi Androl before the fight. Look at that death stare. C...

It'll Be Three Years In State Prison For Lenny Dykstra, And It's Only The Beginning
Today's sentence, handed down by a California judge, was in relation to the no contest plea former Mets and Phillies outfielder Lenny Dykstra had entered in October on charges of grand theft auto and providing a false financial statement. Dykstra's attempt to withdraw the plea was denied, which is n...

Aw, Hell, Here's One More Tim Kurkjian Imitation From Rays Infielder Elliot Johnson
With Linsanity dying out, we needed something new. Call it Kurkjianomie....

Red Sox Minor Leaguer Pete Ruiz Has His Own Tim Kurkjian Impression
It's more understated than Blue Jays catcher J.P. Arencibia's, we'll argue. Arencibia's is perhaps funnier—he brought Kurkjian's voice to a comically high pitch—but Ruiz's seems more precise. He's Darrell Hammond to Arencibia's Will Ferrell....

Marlins Players Think Trippy Home Run Structure Could Distract Hitters
The colorfully gaudy sculpture, which will do this when the Marlins hit a home run, will be positioned in left-center field, where it could be in the field of vision of left-handed batters. [Miami Herald]...

In The 1985 NBA Finals, A Respectful Boston Garden Applauded An Injured Laker. Not Young Bill Simmons.
Game six, the deciding game of the Lakers' 1985 championship, saw Los Angeles's Michael Cooper carried to the dressing room with an injury. Despite the rivalry, most of the Boston fans gave Cooper a nice hand. But 15-year-old Bill Simmons, sitting in the fourth row from the court, merely waved—th...

Nets Owner Loses Russian Presidential Election Thanks To "Fucking Fuckwits"
It was a long cold Sunday for New Jersey Nets owner Mikhail Prokhorov, who decided a few months ago to challenge Vladimir Putin in the 2012 Russian presidential election. Nyet, Prokhorov! Nyet! As we've noted before, Putin is not only strong leader who crush enemy like Black Sea mosquito but also ma...

Giants And Diamondbacks Wait Out 41-Minute Bee Delay
A cloud of bees settled near the Giants dugout at the D-Backs training facility in Scottsdale, halting play until the grounds crew came up with a brilliant plan. They bought a bunch of lemonade and cotton candy from the food stands, smeared it on two golf carts, and used that to lure the bees away. ...

The American University Swim Team Went To Miami And Got Their LMFAO On
We've been inundated with links to this little video that the American University men's swim team made during a training trip to Miami Beach. That means one of two things: either this is on its way to being the next D1 viral video, or all the people sending links are on AU's swim team, and they re...

The Cleveland Cavaliers Really, <em>Really</em> Do Not Want To Be Associated With Rush Limbaugh Anymore
Sponsors have been fleeing Rush Limbaugh's radio program after last week's incident in which he called a birth control advocate a "slut" and a "prostitute."...

Major League Soccer's Facebook Account Likes Strippers
Several tipsters have sent in what appears to be an example of the dreaded "logged in to the wrong account" snafus that must keep social media interns awake at night....