im Page 765 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Terrell Owens Hires A Pimp. Sorry, "Matchmaker"
The lovelorn Owens will shell out up to $150,000 to an "upscale matchmaking service" to find him a woman who looks like Kim Kardashian. Cincinnati isn't much of a meat market, huh? [NY Post]...

The Messiah College Lady's Soccer Team Will Not Tolerate Peeping Toms
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Here's Video Of A Baby Monkey Riding A Small Pig
No, it's not SnOOki caught on nannycam with a Juicehead Gorilla. Just nature's reenactment....

Your Phillies/Giants NLCS Game One Open Thread
Roy Halladay and Tim Lincecum are getting most of the pre-Game-1 attention. As well they should. Two game-changers, pure and simple. But, one has to lose. Ok, both can get no decisions, but one of their teams has to lose....

Baltimore Furry Commits Itself To Inspiring Marathoners
His name is Nate Sweeney. On days like today, when people run 26.2 miles through Baltimore, he dons a full-body tiger suit of synthetic fur and blasts Survivor....

Here's The Last Picture Taken Of A Former President Before Nolan Ryan Turned On Him With Arms Named "Power" and "Glory"
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

The Most Russian Video Of All Time: Wolves Swarm Cop On Freeway
This is EXACTLY what I assumed life is like over there. [The Sun]...

Just A Warning To You Big Simpsons Fans Out There
An Idaho man pleaded guilty to downloading Simpsons porn. He faces 10 years in federal prison. His lawyer worked on contingency? No, money down!...

Stereotypical Laxer Is Not At All Stereotypical, Says Stereotypically Annoying <em>New York Times</em> Story
Yesterday's NYT slobjob of professional laxer Paul Rabil argues that he represents "a different way to think about lacrosse players." He's a big shaggy-haired white dude who went to an all-boys Catholic school in Maryland. Wow, what a brogue....

Australian Team Accused Of Chucking Washing Machine Out Of Window
Solidifying their place as the badasses of international competition, the Australian Commonwealth Games team vandalized a room and threw a washing machine out of an 8th story window at the athletes' village....

You Can't Write A Pot Story About The NBA Without Including Michael Beasley
The following is an excerpt from High Times magazine's story "Pot and the NBA," found in the December issue of America's favorite dank rag. Super Cool Beas, indeed....

The Taiwanese Animation Version Of The Brett Favre Scandal We've All Been Waiting For
Brett Favre's penis is the gift that keeps on giving, isn't it? There's nothing quite like Taiwanese news outlets animating stories to let you know what you're covering is news. And nothing quite like using "offensive tackle" as a euphemism. [NMA.tv]...

Police Find Serbia’s Infamous Masked Hooligan Hiding In Bus Luggage Compartment
By now we're sure you've already seen video of the hooligan-inspired trouble which forced Tuesday's Euro 2012 qualifier between Italy and Serbia to be called off after 7 minutes....

Lincecum-Halladay Billed As "Matchup For The Ages," A "Pitching Classic"
Elsewhere, A.J. Burnett hits two batters in a Yankees' simulation game. Here's your evening update on the NLCS/ALCS pitching rotations....

Bill Simmons: Journalist?
The Sports Fella, in the middle of explaining his "accidental" Moss-to-Minny Tweet, got into ESPN's culture of sourcing and scoops. It's a better ombudsman column than the ESPN ombudsmen have ever written. [ESPN.com]...

Stories That Don't Suck: The Epic Tale Of America's Greatest Ping-Pong Hustler
Occasionally, we'll select stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that we urge you to read for one reason or another. Today: newly minted Man Booker recipient Howard Jacobson on ping-pong's "boldest adventurer," Marty Reisman....

Weekend Winner: Big Ten Gamblers And Conspiracy Theories
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Wisconsin Badgers, who were up 25 with 6 minutes left, and went for two. It didn't please Minnesota, but it pleased some people with money on the game....

Cigar Guy Isn't As Fun, Photoshoppable When He's Not Wearing The Fake 'Stache
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Do The Baltimore Ravens Hate Lesbians?
True love comes in many forms. Like the Mayflower moving company's amour for Robert Irsay one March night in 1984 when he packed up the Colts and moved to Indiana....

Here's A Waving Otter To Clear Your Heads Of Dong For The Weekend
Aww, he thinks he's people. Go here for more dong-free sweetness....