im Page 788 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jim Nantz, You Suck! Goddammit!
Nantz pronounces himself appalled at Tiger's naughty language. "How about the father and son who are standing right there by the tee? How about the hundreds of people who are around that tee who hear that?" How about you fuck yourself? [Chron.com]...
Who Wants To See Jordan Shipley Stick His Hands In A Mutilated Deer Carcass?
Yeah, it's gross, but the Texas receiver likes his hunting. Click and be horrified to learn where your dinner came from. (Not safe for the queasy.) [More photos @ Frathouse Sports]...
Ehhhh...Fuck Off, Dale Hansen
"That story we had earlier tonight about Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, if that's what it is (and our news director thinks it is), is yet another example of the decline of journalism as we once knew it." [WFAA]...
Isaiah Rider Accused Of Kidnapping. Again.
After three police incidents in the span of five days, former NBA-er Isaiah "J.R." Rider knew he'd have to take his game to another level if he wanted to stay on top. Kidnapping an infant should do the trick....
A Happy Ending For Hideki Matsui
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Martha Stewart And Keith Olbermann Make Nice
Perhaps the unlikeliest pair to sit next to each other at today's Yankee game, Stewart and Olbermann discussed the finer points of...actually, I have no idea what they could possibly have been talking about. [Twitter]...
LA Angels Witness NYC Suicide Jumper: "Weaver Actually Saw Him Splat"
That quote is from Angels' pitcher Matt Palmer, as he described how he and starter Jared Weaver were crossing the street when a 39-year-old man jumped off 42nd floor of Le Parker Meridien in Midtown this morning. [NYDN]...
Slurring Jerry Jones Bad-Mouths Bill Parcells, Tim Tebow
A source sends along this video of a seemingly inebriated Jerry Jones waxing off about Tim Tebow ("he'd never get on the field"), Bill Parcells ("not worth a shit"), and how he got his stadium. Read the rough transcript after the jump....
This Is Why You Don't Bring Wayward Dogs Into Minor League Ballparks
Last week, the Northwest Arkansas Naturals held an "Iams Adopt-a-Pet" promotion night and one excited pooch took that opportunity to crap all over the Royals Double-A affiliate. [YouTube]...
Chaos In Chicagoland: Just Who's In Charge Here?
The Bulls are on the wrong side of the tiebreaker for the last playoff spot in the East. It might not even matter for Vinny Del Negro's job security, after a very public disagreement with management over Joakim Noah's usage....
Impatience To Watch Cavs Turns Deadly
A dispute over a handicapped spot led to a Cleveland man shooting and killing a parking lot attendant before Friday's Cavs game. Put the gun away, people. It's not worth it; they were resting LeBron anyway. [Plain Dealer]...
Implosion Destructo-Porn: Texas Stadium Edition
Preceded by fireworks (and onlookers paying an admission fee), the 39-year-old Texas Stadium was reduced to rubble this morning. Jerry Jones is a secular Shiva: destroying, in order to re-create....
USA Swimming's Monstrous Coaches And The "Culture of Sexual Misconduct"
An investigative report on last night's 20/20 presented startling stories of young swimmers sexually abused, secretly videotaped, and even impregnated by monstrous coaches. Has USA Swimming created a unique "culture of sexual misconduct," as ABC News would have you believe?...
The Boston Red Sox Will Brand Your Baby
"Every baby" born at Boston's Beth Israel will be indoctrinated into Red Sox Nation, whether you like it or not. The "Red Sox Babies" package includes hat, tote, and a lifetime of insufferability. [Beth Israel, "Benbino" pic via]...
Baseball's New Lady Knuckleballer is Just Another 18-Year Old Girl Partying in Mexico
Two sentences from this article on US minor-league baseball's newest acquisition, Eri Yoshida: "She taught herself how to throw a knuckleball from watching a video of Tim Wakefield" and "The Outlaws open their season at Tijuana on May 21." [MLB.com]...
How Will Joe Biden Manage to Offend Soccer Fans Everywhere?
Joe Biden will participate in the "first kick ceremonies" tonight to welcome Major League Soccer's newest team to America's angriest city. How will he bungle this particular public appearance? Here, a few ideas....
Kenyon Martin Locker Room Eruption Versus Christian Bale On Set Meltdown
Kenyon Martin's temper tantrum in the aftermath of Popcorn-In-Car-Gate has landed. It's pretty good, but we wanted to add a little zest. So, after firing up some Danger Mouse, we put this together (NSFW language)....
Today In Girls Sports Hijinks: The Human-Step-Ladder-Dunk Calamity
At the intersection of two great genres, Disastrous Attempts at Dunking and Middle-Schoolers Getting Hurt, lies this dunk mishap. Featuring a back-and-forth not seen in 70 years (or so), this basketball game took a turn toward the hilarious. [emailsfromthecube]...
Sausage Race Nearly Ends In Vehicular Manslaughter
Milwaukee's annual Opening Day Beef Tube Relay Race took a hilarious, nearly tragic turn when the Italian sausage was almost run over by its police escort. When did Randall Simon become a cop? [Last Angry Fan; video via]...
This Sandwich Is Coming To Tempt, Kill You All
KFC's Double Down sandwich has become the stuff of gross-fast-food legend. Now, it is going nationwide. Soon (next week), you too will have the chance to use fried chicken in its best application: as bread. [The Consumerist]...