im Page 792 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Lane Kiffin: Pretty Pretty Princess
Esquire's 64-person "Sexiest Woman Alive" bracket has one hell of a sleeper 16 seed: Lane Kiffin. (To be fair, he does look great in culottes.) Voting decides the winner, so I think you know what you have to do. [Esquire]...

Potential Train Wreck Alert: Mike Tyson Gets Reality Show
Mike Tyson is coming to Animal Planet. Tentatively titled Take on Tyson, the show will "pit Tyson and his birds against the best racing-pigeon owners in New York." Can it possibly top this? [NY Post]...

Stupid English People Will No Longer Get To Chase Rolling Cheese Down A Hill
After an illustrious 183-year run, the annual Whitsun cheese-rolling event on Cooper's Hill in Gloucester has been canceled, partly for safety reasons. Add "chasing cheese wheels down a steep hill" to the list of things that England has deemed unsafe....

Packers Addiction Is The Most Crippling Of All
The Packers honor a man who sold his blood to afford season tickets. Sure, the medical screening saved his life, but should we really be celebrating this? [Packers.com]...

Erin Andrews and Dick Vitale Cut A Rug
EA is going to be doing it with the stars, and Dickie V is getting psyched for the Big one. So why not share a dance before yesterday's Duke/Miami game?...

Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang! Bang!
Somewhere around the eighth round in last night's fight, Jim Lampley plum ran out of adjectives for Manny Pacquiao's punches. It's rare to see a meme being born, and recognize it at that very moment....

Minnesota HS Hockey Player Wipes Out On TV, Guarantees Himself Brief Viral Infamy
Here's poor Zach Van Orsdel, an Alexandria defenseman playing in the Minnesota state championship, introducing himself to the television audience by doing the sort of thing that makes us all glad we're no longer in high school. [Puck Daddy]...

Stories That Don't Suck: Axl Rose, Hockey Goons, Cassius Bom-Ba-Ye, Dr. Z In The USSR
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

Manhunt For Iditarod Dog On The Lam
Fans, fellow mushers, and the "Iditarod Air Force" are looking for three-year-old Whitey, a sled dog who went missing from his team. He's probably just holding out for a new contract. [Iditarodblogs.com]...

Name Of The Year Tournament, The True March Madness, Is Back
Who will inherit the throne of Barkevious Mingo (pictured)? Luminaries such as Lolita Respectnothing, Mister Cobble, and God's Power Offor vie for the title of Name Of The Year. [NOTY]...

AN ESPN VP Joins The Olbermann-Simmons Pillow Fight
ESPN Executive VP and Editor John Walsh snarks back at Keith Olbermann in today's SportsBusiness Daily, and suddenly the Olbermann-Simmons feud has become one of those great Greek tragedies full of incest and bloodshed and men with stately white beards....

Tebow Draft Rationalization Watch: The 49ers Like "Winners"
As the NFL Draft approaches, many team fanbases will attempt complex logical gymnastics to talk themselves into using a first-round pick on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Today: 49ers coach Mike Singletary seeks a younger version of Mike Singletary....

Detroit Lion Meets Real Lions To Raise Lion Awareness, Taunt Lions With Lions Helmet
Today in animal news, Detroit Lions linebacker Zack Follet went to California's Cat Haven to visit with some real lions and create a video that will make you feel very, very stoned....

Corey Haim, Dead; Bill Simmons Mourns
Excpect 5,000 words on how Haim's death is comparable to River Phoenix's by 5 p.m. [SportsGuy33]...

Tebow Draft Rationalization Watch: Pittsburgh Needs A Leader
As the NFL Draft approaches, many team fanbases will attempt complex logical gymnastics to talk themselves into using a first-round pick on Florida quarterback Tim Tebow. Today: The Steelers try to solve their current quarterback's character issues....

Last Night's Winner: Derek Anderson
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Browns occasionally starting quarterback who was finally released from his own personal Purgatory—even if Purgatory isn't exactly sad to see him go....

Tim Tebow's Signature Will Save Our Economy
The world's greatest undrafted free agent held his first "official" autograph signing last weekend and since he's no longer an amateur, his signature will now cost you a pretty penny. Or $160 if you want to get technical about it....

Simmons-Olbermann Feud Tweeted To An Unsatisfying Conclusion
Just so we're clear: The Sports Fella did not get into writing to respond to Keith Olbermann's response to Simmons's response to Olbermann's response to that one column Simmons wrote in crayon. [@sportsguy33]...

Cranky Old Sportscaster Unloads On Congress, Curling
Beano Cook is an American treasure, and nearly 66% of you agreed with that assessment about two years ago. From his rapier wit to his extensive knowledge of the game, Cook deserves our respect. But, let's have some fun instead....

The Olbermann-Simmons Feud Is Getting Feisty
Wherever you come down in the Keith Olbermann-Bill Simmons blood feud, you can surely agree that the former just drew a helluva line in the sand by calling Simmons "the most uncontrollable, unmanageable talent in the history of ESPN."...