im Page 793 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jim Schwartz Pursues Free Agents Like A Deranged Ex-Boyfriend
How do you convince talented and (mostly) sane players to move to Detroit and play for the Lions? If you're Jim Schwartz you sit outside their house in the middle of the night and leave heaving breathing on their voicemail....
Pistol-Whipping An Assistant Coach Does Not Help Citadel QB's Playing Time
Quarterback Miguel Starks shared time in The Citadel's backfield in 2009, but those struggles are in the past ever since he was arrested for robbing and kidnapping one of the team's assistant coaches. No one is questioning his leadership now!...
Taiwanese CGI Geniuses Present: Ole Miss-Admiral Ackbar
The Nancy Grace Rule's reign of terror is over. The new cool way to measure a story's scope is Taiwanese CGI. Their reenactments of Tiger-Gate and the Late Night Wars were amazing but Admiral Ackbar-Ole Miss may be their masterpiece....
Time For March Madness Vasectomies Already? A Deadspin Pledge
Like the Filet-O-Fish song, it's a peripheral American tradition: doctors pushing vasectomies during the NCAA tournament. And then, of course, the media breathlessly writing about it....
Springtime For Customized Jerseys
Because it's Friday and this has been one of the lamest weeks in recent memory, why not resurrect everyone's favorite clothing-based photo gallery feature, a.k.a., people who wasted a lot of money on ideas they didn't fully think through....
Olbermann Joins The Sports Fella Pile-On
On Simmons: "I am again left to marvel how somebody can rise to a fairly prominent media position with no discernible insight or talent, save for an apparent ability to mix up a vast bowl of word salad very quickly."...
IF YOU GIVE A MOUSE A CHEEZ DOODLE
Just this once, the library is relaxing the rules against talking. And yelling. (By the way, if you were a kid, wouldn't this be the absolute worst field trip ever?) [Twitter]...
CFL Slowly Morphing Into XFL
Get rid of sudden death? We'll get rid of extra points. The CFL attempts to out-excitement the NFL yet again, this time considering making the the two-point conversion mandatory in overtime. But what about the rouge?! [TSN]...
Last Night's Winner: Football Dorks
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like nerds who get excited about tender offers, no-trade clauses, and transaction wires. It may be the offseason, but not for restricted free agent hounds....
Sports Fella Doubles Down On The Stupid
Remember that foolish thing Bill Simmons said the other day about Tiger and Muhammad Ali? Well, Bill has taken a step back, read some old Sports Illustrateds, and decided to be foolish again, only at much greater length. [Charles Pierce]...
Tim Lincecum Isn't Always High, He Just Seems That Way
Here's Lincecum modeling a Giants Snuggie, and pretending to be a wizard. Wonder if this violates his probation for that possession bust....
They Would Vie For Mr. Irrelevant In Dave Chappelle's Racial Draft
Three L.A. teachers were suspended for giving kids photos of O.J. Simpson and Dennis Rodman to carry in a Black History Month parade. Among the alternatives suggested by the district: Kobe Bryant. I have made none of this up. [AP]...
Meet Your 14-Year-Old Nephew's New Favorite Hockey Player
In the tradition of legendary athletic heroes like Johnny Dickshot, Jung Bong, and Pete LaCock, comes NHL rookie and object of affection for snickering school boys everywhere—Columbus Blue Jacket Grant Clitsome....
Marvin Miller Remembers The Pre-Crazy Jim Bunning, Labor Revolutionary
"Heh," Marvin Miller chuckles. "I haven't talked to Jim for a long while." Jim is Jim Bunning, the obstreperous shitbag who sought to deny thousands of Americans their jobless benefits but who, once upon a time, fought baseball's good fight....
Great Caption Fail, Or Greatest Caption Fail?
The Times again shows their conservative bias by mislabeling a photo that's definitely not Hillary Clinton. And probably not Michelle Bachelet, either....
Poll: 100% Of Tiger Woods Pollsters Hate Their Lives
An ABCNews/ESPN poll found that 54% of (1,000) Americans believe that Tiger Woods was sincere when he gave his sex apology, but only 5% of those people could believe that someone is actually conducting polling about Tiger Woods. [pic]...
Grizzlies Fan Enters The Pantheon Of Painful Trampoline Dunk Failures (UPDATE)
Last night, one lucky Memphis fan got the chance to dunk off of a trampoline. He managed the dunk itself, but what followed was yet another reminder of the perils of using springy devices to propel ourselves skyward. [NBA.com]...
Jim Bunning Gives Reporter The Finger
It's easy to forget that Sen. Bunning, who enjoys watching the unemployed starve and freeze to death for sport, was a Hall of Fame pitcher. Maybe that's where he learned to deal so maturely with the media. [ABC News]...
Tim Tebow At The Combine: A Revelation, Set To Iron Maiden
As you know, Tebow impressed at the NFL Scouting Combine, running the three-cone drill in a hell-blazing 6.66 seconds. (It's the second coming! Of Mike Alstott!) Here's video of Tebow's big day, set to Iron Maiden's "Number of the Beast."...
New Mike And Mike Book "Enthralling," "Humanizes A Downtrodden, Long-Suffering People," Per Amazon
Either someone at Amazon is having a bit of sport with Fat Man and Little Boy's forthcoming Rules for Sports and Life, or the pair has written the definitive treatise on life in North Korea. [Amazon, see "Editorial Reviews"]...