im Page 826 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brave Colin Montgomerie Takes Shots at Pirates
A bunch of goofballs dressed as pirates dared golfers at the Scottish Open to hit their water-borne target—so Colin Montgomerie took them out his wedge and nailed it. (From about 60 yards away.) Lousy pirates.... [Daily Mail/Sports Rubbish]...
All You Can Eat, With A Side Order Of Cardiac Disease
One $34 ticket to a Twins game gets you a bleacher seat and free food — everything but beer and ice cream sundaes —so fans are loading up for their sleep-induced hibernation until Brett Favre arrives. [AP]...
Somehow, Michael Jackson Was Partly Responsible For Magic Johnson's Greatness
I applaud Magic Johnson's ability to personalize it: "the way he controlled the band...the stage." But I'm sure he'd use the same approach if he were eulogizing a painter or a vacuum cleaner repairman. [Gawker]...
Just In Case You Wanted To Know What A Dwarf Wrestler Funeral Looks Like
Those two little masked heroes that were killed by bandit hookers last week had a well-attended funeral, which could have easily been mistaken for a Rob Zombie film. [The Sun via BarStoolSports]...
From The Desk Of Gary Belsky: Hygiene Edition
Gary Belsky is the EIC of ESPN The Magazine, which you probably know as the strange, unwieldy object wedged into your mailbox every other week. Sometimes, funny things happen at Gary's magazine, and employees tell us about them....
A Starburst Is Born
To one Tampa Bay Rays fan, these stars are not similar. To a Florida prosecutor, the blue star is a shameless rip of the yellow star. Which might put the fan in the clink for a year....
Bringing SexyBack To Golf
Justin Timberlake — former frontman for *NSYNC, international pop superstar, 6-handicap on the links — is shopping his first book. It's about golf, and it's reportedly a memoir about the 28-year-old's memorable rounds. Well, no one's done that before. [NYO]...
Michael Phelps Makes America Safe For Weed
Congratulations, dope heads! Your groovy hero has bonged his way into America's heart and now you're free to toke up wherever and whenever you see fit. Enjoy your reefer, hippies, and be sure to thank Michael Phelps when you do....
F—k Your Stupid Life Event: A Guide To Gift Giving
I hate buying gifts. I hate shopping for them, even online, which requires only that I click a mouse a few times, maybe fill out your address. NO TIME FOR THAT SHIT....
Let's Get This Over With Early: Joakim Noah Smokes Weed, Anonymous, Possibly Fake Text Messager Says
"smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands" [Texts From Last Night] (PHOTO: Not From Last Night)...
Off The Wall, Indeed: Ron Artest Pays Tribute To Michael Jackson
"Michael, Michael, Michael, you my nigga. I know a thug would cry for you, my dude. Aint no R&B singer really ever makes me cry. Makes me wanna meet you, touch your hand. Ya know?" [YouTube]...
A Hearty L'Chaim To Jason Lezak
Jason Lezak — three-time Olympic gold medalist, Phelpsian savior and, blessedly, former bar mitzvah boy — will skip the swimming world championships to race in Israel's Maccabiah Games. When in Jerusalem, he'll be hankering for Chinese food from Beijing. [AP]...
British Press Finds Its Tragic Hero In An American
In London, sports are sport, Americans are ungracious blokes and Andy Roddick is brave, tenacious, athletic and bloody valorous. So like Hamlet, Othello and Romeo before him, Roddick naturally became the tragic hero in the British writer's five-act narrative arc....
Tiger Woods: Winner Of Own AT & T National Tournament, Budding Comedian
Another great day for Gillette spokespeople: Tiger Woods wins the 2009 AT &T National, Federer won Wimbledon, and Jeter hit a walkoff. Since it's Tiger's tournament, he's the only one who got to interview himself. .[Waggle Room]...
He'll Never Be The Best, But He's Something
Andy Roddick's one of those athletes whose fame outsizes his accomplishments. He's one of the more successful American tennis players, but in the Roger Era, his on-court record will never put him alongside the greats....
The Nathan's 4th of July Hot Dog Eating Contest Is America
Is there anything more distinctly American than celebrating our independence by holding a contest to see who could consume the most processed meat? Photographer Erin Siegal and I ventured out to Coney Island to take it all in....
And Now Let's Dive Into This Bizarre Steve McNair Situation
First it was a double homicide. Then it was murder-suicide. Now it's just tragic and sad. And TMZ has pictures of the doomed couple parasailing....
Holy Crap, Andy
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Rodderer. Fedrick. Wimbledon Open Thread
I'm sure we'll see this same picture in, oh, 90 minutes: Roddick once again holding his sad plate standing next to a smirking Federer. If you're the gamblin' sort, a Roddick victory pays out ridiculously. Live that dream.[Fanhouse/NBC]...