im Page 889 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Back ... Back ... Oh, Forget It
The best description of last night's Home Run Derby — won by Vladimir Guerrero, shown here with a friend who's a tad too excited about the whole business — was in the comments this morning: "Why does an event that has 8 participants require 9 people to cover it?" This made a certain mad sense to us....
About Last Night ...
What you missed while welcoming your new flea overlords • MLB: Vlad Guerrero wins home run derby, although all the baseballs remained as dry as your grandpappy's scalp. • Cycling: After his win in second stage of Tour de France, there will be a rush of parents naming their babies Gert. • Soccer: Méx...
Richard Gasquet Is Your Not-Gay Semifinalist
Roger Federer, staving off a surprising surge from longtime rival Rafael Nadal, won his fifth consecutive Wimbledon yesterday. (His first Wimbledon win was over that idiot on that dumb NBC reality show, by the way.) But the real winner wasn't Federer, but semifinalist Richard Gasquet, who finally ba...
Do NOT ... Go In There. WOOO!
It's perfectly acceptable to vent frustration after a lousy inning of relief pitching. (Fernando Rodney does it all the time.) But here's a lesson to all those up-and-coming pitchers: if you plan to exact physical damage in the dugout bathroom after such an outing, make sure you have an escape route...
Five Straight Wimbledons For A Swiss Athlete
When I first heard of Roger Federer, he already had two Grand Slam titles, and I was sort of hoping that with every additional championship he won, he would legally add another "-er" suffix to his last name. At this point in history he would have added 11 consecutive "ers", as he defeated Rafael Nad...
Police Find Maasive Collection Of Drugs (And One Gun)
I bet you're wondering why one person, namely former NFL player and current Fox Sports commentator Bill Maas, needs both a gun and illegal drugs and his car. You'd think one or the other would suffice for a former lineman, but it's quite simple, actually. See, the guns fend off anyone trying to take...
A Bug's Life, If That Bug Is Named John Holmes
The world has long pined for the answer to life's perpetual mystery: Is a Rangers-Orioles game more boring than watching flies screw? Well, an astute reader and his friend attended such a baseball game last night, and saw two horseflies gettin' down and procreating. Judging by these two fans' fixat...
Greg Oden Can Only Improve On His Foul Trouble From Here
I knew there was an underlying reason notable tall dude Greg Oden went to the NBA after one year in college. It couldn't have been just the money, or the chance to be picked No. 1 overall. No, It had to be for the NBA rule that you foul out after six, not five like in college. Or maybe it was the al...
I Say, Jolly Good Performance By Venus Williams
Contrary to popular belief, Venus Williams is still playing tennis. (Kind of like when I saw Paul Shuey pitching for the Orioles last night. In fact, it's EXACTLY the same thing.) She made the Wimbledon final against Marion Bartoli, a tennis player you may remember hearing about first in this senten...
What Will Be Cut From This Year's ESPY Awards?
AJ Daulerio's Cultural Oddsmaker runs every Friday. Email him to let him know what you think....
We Doubt Anna Benson Would Have Stood For This
To wrap up today, here's yet another example of just how weird professional athletes are, from a few days ago: They sometimes live in a batting cage. That's what the Angels' Reggie Willits does, anyway....
Goodnight, Friends
I suspect that it will be surreal when I wake up next Saturday and have nothing to write. There's a good chance I won't know what to do with myself and I'll end up writing an 11,000 word essay on why I suspect that Ron Gardenhire suffers from erectile dysfunction....
Reggie Willits Is A Cage Dweller
There's a cute little story in the New York Times today about Angels outfielder Reggie Willits, who's raising a family in a batting cage. It's one giant room, 60 feet long and 32 feet wide, with a batting cage, kitchen, living area, beds ... and no walls between any of them....
Seriously, Would It Kill You To Sexually Arouse Dick Bavetta?
Isiah Thomas, after stealing Zach Randolph and being complimented by Spike Lee on draft night, enjoyed one day of good publicity. Today, Anucha Browne Sanders, who is suing Isiah for sexual harassment, would like to remind us that Isiah is, in many ways, still a dick....
Joakim Noah Is Already Making Friends
Of all the funny love connections that came out of last night's NBA Draft, the one we were most tickled by was the match of Joakim Noah and the Chicago Bulls. Seriously. Look at that guy. He looks like that before comes into the sanitarium that is the NBA. In six years, he's going to have physically...
Getting Drunk With The Draft And Simmons
As we watch Chad Ford do his absolute best Bill Simmons impression while mock-drafting with the Sports Fella — "Taking Oden is like marrying the girl you don't want to date, but the girl you want to spend the rest of your life with!" — we look forward to tomorrow night's NBA Draft. (Which will be li...
Matt Geiger Lives Like A Freaking King
If you ever needed a reminder how the life of a professional athlete is infinitely better than yours is, we re-introduce you to Matt Geiger. The journeyman center bounced around the NBA for 10 years, fouling Shaq a lot, mostly just being bald. And how was rewarded for his tenure? Rather handsomely. ...