in Page 3184 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

An All-Time Great "Lance Armstrong Being A Dick" Story
Lance Armstrong's renowned temperament should probably be remembered as more than incidental to his story. It's unlikely things would have played out the way they have if not for how much of a jerk he was, by nearly all accounts. USADA wouldn't have so doggedly investigated him. His former teammates...

Los Angeles Sports Anchor Suggests Vin Scully Should "Get His Shit Together" Live On-Air
Vin Scully delighted us all in announcing this weekend he'll return for a 64th season in the Dodgers' broadcast booth. We're looking forward to another season of Vin telling humorous anecdotes and bowdlerizing profane managerial outbursts....

Deadspin Up All Night: Touch
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. We'll be keeping an eye on things throughout the evening, but mostly I'll be drafting Tim Tebow with the first six picks of my fantasy draft. Cheers....

Josh Hamilton's Snot Rockets Are Uniquely Personal
When nature calls for the removal of foreign objects from the nostrils, most of us modestly seek some kind of privacy for the act. Not Josh Hamilton. The Rangers slugger, indeed, wants to share his snot rockets with everyone. It's almost romantic. [FSSW]...

A Chick-Fil-A Employee's Silent Protest: The Week In Unintentional Dongs
This week's dong roundup is dedicated to Colin, because he sent us the crescent roll dong and, indeed, proved that he sent us the crescent roll dong through a series of trials so grueling and intricate they bordered on perverse. Also, a person named Isaac claimed the ice tray dong, which I should h...

Want To Increase Donations To Your Charity? Stop Contesting Those Doping Allegations Against You
Why did Lance Armstrong's decision to stop fighting doping allegations—and thereby consent to being stripped of his seven Tour de France titles—drive up donations to his charity so sharply? Armstrong gave up the ghost Thursday; on Friday donations to the Lance Armstrong Foundation rose by a factor o...

Adam LaRoche Hit A Ball About As Far As Possible Without Hitting A Home Run
Bad break for the Nationals on this one. Adam LaRoche took Cliff Lee deep over the wall at Citizens Bank Park. Unfortunately, it hit flush with a small fence on top of the wall, bounced straight up and back onto the field. Jayson Werth thought it was a home run. Adam LaRoche thought it was a home ru...

Man Steals Ball From Small Child, Quickly Gives It Back
This afternoon's game in Cleveland between the Indians and Yankees presented us with a very important teachable moment—one Michael Kay evidently chose to ignore....

Everybody Lost Two Different Horses Won The Travers Stakes
There was an actual tie yesterday at the Travers Stakes. Golden Ticket and Alpha finished in a dead heat, so nobody won. Or they both won? One of the jockeys said after the race, "Neither one of us knew if we won," and, while technically they both "won"—there were two separate first-place trophy pre...

Lance Barrett Tosses A.J. Pierzynski And Robin Ventura, Shameless Homer Hawk Harrelson Goes Off Again
"Lance Barrett's just stunk the joint up, is all he's done, that's all he's done...he's terrible." Hawk, you might recall, got into a bit of a pickle when he referred to umpire Mark Wegner as "brutal" and "totally absurd" while questioning his baseball knowledge. He got a stern talking to from Bud ...

Tony Stewart Trades Paint With Matt Kenseth, Gets Knocked Out, Hurls Helmet At Kenseth, Doesn't Give A Crap
Tony Stewart showed flashes of the personality that earned him the nickname "Smoke" tonight in the IRWIN Tools Night Race at Bristol when, after taking the lead from Matt Kenseth in the 332nd lap only to scape doors and find himself wrecked in the 333rd, let Kenseth know just how much he loved him...

Adrian Gonzalez Homers In His First At Bat As A Dodger
You know what they say about first impressions: always hit a three-run home run in your first at bat with a new team if you'd like to make a good impression. Hours before, Gonzalez, Josh Beckett and Nick Punto were on a plane en route to Los Angeles as the trade was made official. Gonzalez did not ...

Deadspin Up All Night: The Day Is Done
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Burke is going to live blog some soc-cer for you mopes, because Roger Clemens is pitching. Or something. Check it out....

Josh Beckett Joins Twitter, Is In Desperate Need Of New Handle
Josh Beckett joined twitter today for the express purpose of saying goodbye to the Red Sox faithful, wherever they may be. It's very touching. But this here's a business and it can't be getting mussed up with feelings and dumb Twitter handles....
![It Sure Looks Like Adrian Gonzalez Will Be Hitting Cleanup For The Dodgers Today [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17x3b17hcsjb1jpg.jpg)
It Sure Looks Like Adrian Gonzalez Will Be Hitting Cleanup For The Dodgers Today [UPDATE]
There's still no official word from the teams, but the Dodgers sure seem to think that Adrian Gonzalez will be moving to Los Angeles. He's batting cleanup and playing first base according to the lineup posted by Enrique Rojas of ESPN Deportes. Buster Olney also tweeted that Gonzalez would be in the ...

The Mets Spent An Hour Listening To Various Versions Of The Oasis Classic "Wonderwall"
I've always wanted to be in a major league clubhouse before a game, just to see what goes on. I imagine a lot of messing around, playing video games and guys hiding from Pedro Gomez. And blasting music, of course....
![Wayne Rooney Knocked Out Of Match With Gruesome Leg Gash [UPDATE]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/17x2iskt17zwfjpg.jpg)
Wayne Rooney Knocked Out Of Match With Gruesome Leg Gash [UPDATE]
Fulham's Hugo Rodallega landed upon Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney's leg in stoppage time of Man U's 3-2 win today and sliced open Rooney's leg, forcing him to be carted off in another blow to the Red Devils' corps....

Skunk Terrorizes Football Game
If you are blind and listening to this, you might think it's that scene from a disaster movie where the woman hangs perilously by a finger, hundreds of feet above a crowded city street. But really, it's just a skunk running through a high school football game in Mississippi and setting up shop und...

Deadspin Up All Night: Take Me Down
Thank you for your continued support of Deadspin. Sean, Tim, and Isaac will be here to guide you through the weekend. Have a good one....

Is Robert Griffin III Fast Enough To Run Track In The 2016 Olympics?
Is Robert Griffin III really a "world-class hurdler," as ESPN called him? In this week's Hang Up and Listen, Mike Pesca takes a look at RG3's times from high school and college and finds that, well, maybe it's not an exaggeration....