in Page 3660 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

I Feel Your Pain, 7-Foot K-State Clarinetist
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and the blogosphere to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....

Listen Up, NBC: Here's An Idea To Boost Olympics Ratings
Most people think of the 1896 Olympics in Athens simply as the first Olympiad. Some people think of the 1896 Olympics in Athens as a shining beacon of nude recreation. Like? The American Association for Nude Recreation. Obviously....

Tonight's Most Important Basketball Game Was Valedictorian In High School
Two college basketball teams will battle for conference supremacy tonight in a game that involves a nationally-renowned point guard, allegations of casual racism, a murky college recruiting scandal, and a biting journalist Twitter feud. That's right: Harvard is playing Cornell....

An Alternate Definition Of "Dress For Success"
There's going to be a whole bunch of men in drag on Bourbon Street tomorrow, none of whom will be spiffier than Bobby Hebert, wearing one of his daughter's sequined creations. It's called the "Mu Dat Nation Mumu."...

Stories That Don't Suck: Salinger, A Georgian's Burden, Gary Hart And The Thank-You-For-Nots
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....

And On Saturday, The First Fan Became Joe Six-Pack
What an action-packed and important day it's been for Barack Obama. He sat courtside at Duke-Georgetown (oh shush, all of you), told Clark Kellogg he was gunning for his job and his administration wants to finally pass reform that matters....

Dear God, Make Me A Bi-Plane, So I Can Fly Farve, Far Far Away From Here
These "Airplanes (Bi-Plane) Handcrafted of Bud Light Limited Edition Viking Cans" will fly you to just within miles of your destination before getting intercepted in mid-air. Cash Only! [Craigslist, via]...

Telestrator Dong: Extreme Edition
Apparently you hooligans are known to be receptive to large vaguely-phallic figures rendered in bright yellow? Perhaps someone can mansplain this to me someday. Gird your loins, after the jump....

We Will All Work For Mario Lemieux One Day
Steel City patron saint Mario Lemieux and shady creepster Ron Burkle, co-owners of the Pittsburgh Penguins, approached the Pittsburgh Pirates with an "unsolicited offer" to buy the MLB team, according to the Post-Gazette. Yinzers, cross your fingers....

How Gross Do You Think It Gets Inside Those Green Suits?
"I still don't know what it symbolizes, but I like it!" says the delightfully dopey announcer about these two fine fellows who have taken up residence next to the penalty box at Canucks games. I feel the same way about this website....

Randy Winn The Final Straw For Aggrieved Yankee Fan
The signing of Randy Winn instead of Johnny Damon has convinced one season ticket holder not to renew. I agree. A lineup of only eight 8-figure salaried all-stars just doesn't show enough of a commitment to winning....

OK, One Last Piece Of Brett Favre Schadenfreude
From the same Vikings radio team that brought you "This is not Detroit, man" comes this swaggering bit of audio, spoken just moments earlier: "Game's tied at 28. Fine. Because Brett Favre is the quarterback of the Minnesota Vikings."...

Dear Haiti, Here Are Some Ugly Shirts
Premature, unused Vikings (and Jets) conference championship gear is on its way to Haiti. So the Brett Favre coverage continues, in Port-au-Prince at least. [RandBall]...

Bad Beats: Kiss The Girls
Your weekly gambling column, featuring smart plays, oddball propositions, all your tales of woe — plus, betting advice from a 13-year-old boy! Send your stories to [email protected]. Subject: Bad beats....

So You Think NU Can Dance, Weeks 4 & 5: We Are America's Team!
A weekly feature in which author Benoit Denizet-Lewis follows the fortunes of the only BCS school to have sucked so consistently and spectacularly that it has never made the NCAA tournament, Northwestern. Record: 14-6. Tournament prospects: Stranger things have happened....

This North Jersey-Indianapolis Turf War Is Getting Out Of Hand
No Taser this time, just a Jets fan getting his skull broken in a fight after Sunday's game. No suspects yet, as Midwesterners don't snitch, out of politeness. [Staten Island Advance]...

PRETTY BIRD! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....

Rey Maualuga Gets Head Start On Offseason With DUI
A Bengals player was arrested. Normally this is not news. What is news is that Maualuga was driving a 2003 Pontiac Sunfire....

Last Night's Winner: Nerds (STRIP CLUB UPDATE)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the folks for whom the annual release of Baseball Prospectus's PECOTA projections is basically geek Christmas....

Dead Wrestler Of The Week: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams
Every week, the Masked Man, Deadspin's pro wrestling correspondent, honors the sport's fallen and examines their legacies — famous and obscure alike. Today: "Dr. Death" Steve Williams, who died of throat cancer on Dec. 29....