in Page 3904 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Roger Clemens Probably Won't Be Downloading This Song
Anti-depressant poster girl and Roger Clemens Lolita Mindy McCready is showing she's still willing to steamroll ahead with her country singin' comeback regardless of the big white Rocket-shaped elephant that sits in her living room. McCready posted this YouTube message in an effort to let her remain...
Breaking: Russia Years Ahead Of Us In Remote Control Flying Penis Technology
Garry Kasparov’s love-hate relationship with technology continued on Saturday, as the former World Chess Champion was buzzed by a remote controlled flying penis during a political speech in Moscow. As reported by Gizmodo yesterday, Kasparov seemed bemused by the brief encounter, which ended when an ...
Could This Be The End For Our Pedro?
First off, all of you Mets fans who are saying "Pedro who?", just stop it. Pedro Martinez, who is on the verge of returning to New York's starting rotation, says that this season might well be his last. And you don't know it now, but you'll miss him when he's gone. Yes, you will....
Pro Athletes' Coffee-Fetching Aspirations
There's apparently a new trend surfacing in the privileged life of professional athletes: the crappy off-season, low-paying internship. Sure, plenty of athletes over the years have prepared themselves for a life after sports by exploring other opportunities. Many have not....
Yeah, Peyton Doesn't Believe Favre Either
Count Peyton Manning among those who don't buy this whole Brett Favre Is Retiring balderdash. Manning is onto Mr. Favre and his oh, I'm done with the game claptrap....
Use Your Urine To Kill Space Aliens
If you're like us, the art of urinating in a public restroom has become a rote, empty, stale ritual. We mean, come on: You just stand there. Where's the sport in that? Alas, we must now thank the fine people of Belgium for turning the act of urination into the competitive event we've all been beggin...
Media Approval Ratings: Tim McCarver
We're not sure we're going to still be doing these Media Approval Things in October, which is why we have to do Tim McCarver now. Because fans' opinions of McCarver are never more polarized than in October....
Ooof, Stars, That'll Leave a Mark
The NHL Closer is written by five checking-line centers from Melt Your Face Off. When we're not receiving praise for our work ethic, we're taking shots to kill the pain from blocking shots. Raskolnikov momentarily stopped playing along the boards to write this recap....
Some Reports Suggest That The Romo/Simpson Unholy Union Still Lingers
After all of the confidential sources proclaimed last week that, yes, Tony Romo and Jessica Simpson may have possibly ended their shameless romantic relationship for the betterment of all mankind, it appears that there was a temporary reunion for the sake of Ashlee Simpson's shotgun wedding to the e...
John Tomase Spared Any More Online Ridicule For Now
After last Friday's awkwardly (if not sincere) apologizing to readers of the Boston Herald, Patriot fans, Patriot front office, Bill Belichick, Pat Patriot and anyone else who's ever been remotely affiliated with the team, Rams walkthrough bumbler John Tomase did receive a little bit of grace from t...
When Shopping For Fancy Soaps And Duvet Covers, Will Allen Takes No Chances
A confounding incident involving the Miami Dolphins' Will Allen at a Miami Bed, Bath and Beyond parking lot has the veteran cornerback being questioned by local police. There are conflicting stories and it's not entirely clear what the beef was about, but there is some speculation:...
It's Possible Some Bay-To-Breakers Participants May Be Gay
The main reason I no longer attend the San Francisco Bay to Breakers Race; someone has turned the freak dial way too high. Although, I should point out that the group pictured here actually ended up winning the race, beating a Kenyan runner by 22 seconds (may not be true). And while this photo may b...
I'm Doing It For You, Big Brown!
I won't lie; it's hard to be upbeat with Ted Kennedy still in the hospital. But to lift your spirits, here's something the Senator from Massachusetts no doubt would have attempted, had he been 40 years younger and on the infield at Pimlico on Sunday. Will this brave fan's attempted leap from one por...
Media Approval Ratings: Chris Berman
Even though we've been accused of having some sort of vendetta against Chris Berman in the past, we can honestly say that's not even close to true. We still (mostly) enjoy him on "NFL Primetime," or the "Blitz," or whatever the hell they call that now. He, during our first six months of existence,...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured it's message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Yankee Stadium Looks To Be Going Down Without A Fight
Just to follow up on what Rick was saying earlier ... we don't think we're gonna have much reason to write about the Yankees too much longer. Once that All-Star Game is over, and we'll just have the Yankee Stadium elegies ... and then we can all go back to our lives. The Yankees looked deader than ...
Big Brown Wins Preakness, Thinks, "Boy, I Am Hungry"
Look. This is Big Brown. This is a horse. We suppose Big Brown is a good-looking, as far as horses go, though we're not sure, from this angle, if we could possibly tell the difference between Big Brown and any other horse on the planet that wasn't, you know, a zebra....
Penguins Return Home For Game Five, Get Back In The Habit
The NHL Closer is written by the five pillars of piety from Melt Your Face Off. When not serving the needy, sick, poor and uneducated, they can be found sneaking sips from the Baptismal Font. Weed Against Speed somehow got his hands on the keys to the Popemobile, so let's take this sucker out for a ...
Red Would Have Enjoyed That
The Celtics pulled out another game seven win meaning that LeBron James will not have a chance to defend Cleveland's Eastern Conference title. Paul Pierce was the man for Boston with 41 points on 13-23 from the field and some big free throws down the stretch to seal a 97-92 win....
'Boxing After Dark' Delivers
Yuriorkis Gamboa might have a bit of work left to do in the gym, but last night's unanimous decision over Darling Jimenez showed why so many people believe he'll soon sit atop his division. Continue after the jump for some thoughts on last night's triple header....