in Page 3999 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Lefty Loses The Scottish Open In Style
I don't follow golf. Never have, only will when I'm older and need a good way to hide from my goddamn wife and kids who won't stop bugging me to take them to the fucking movie theatre to see some shitty ass flick that probably stars Hillary Duff....

"I Love It When You One, Two Punch"
And in other boxing news, Roy Jones Jr. won a 12-round, unanimous decision against previously undefeated Anthony Hanshaw last night. Here's to hoping Roy raps about it....

Artest And Jackson Already Suspended For Next Season
This is an interesting way to end the blogging day: Ron Artest and Stephen Jackson were just suspended by the NBA for the first seven games of next season. Yes, you read that correctly: next season....

Minor League Pitcher Pokes MLB On Facebook
Right-handed pitcher Jensen Lewis, 23, owned AAA hitters over the last month. At Buffalo he has posted a record of 1-0 with a save and a 1.38 ERA in 10 games, eight of which were scoreless....


Wait! Maybe We Should Hear What He Has To Say ...
I'm skeptical this even is real — seriously, it's that funny — but two women were hospitalized — OK, so that parts not funny — Tuesday night after a horse leapt a dividing wall and climbed into the announcer's booth at a horse show in Lexington, Kentucky....


This Should Really Happen More Often ...
Javelin Horror Overshadows Meeting [Sporting Life]...

Dwight Gets His Schrutebucks
In case you hadn't heard, Dwight Freeney signed a monster long-term deal with the Colts yesterday. And it really is a monster: six-years, $72 million, which also includes a nice little $30 million signing bonus....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while eating 15 million ice-cream treats ... • MLB: Sheff hits an "all the way black" granny in Tigers' 6-3 win. • Cycling: Belgian Tom Boonen takes Tour's 6th stage on a BMX bike. • CFL: Bombers lose to Inuit; Stegall still stuck on history....

Dog Days Of All-Star Week
• What a dull week. • Not a happy time at Dan Shaughnessy's Amazon page. • Everywhere you look, there is Spike The Super Ball. • Kige Ramsey makes the world a better place. • Have a Coke and smile. • Jared Allen, signing things that aren't fun to have signed. • We hear Simmons is definitely doing an...

To Watch Tonight
What to watch as your cat demands an iPod ... • Golf: American Century Championship, first round, at Lake Tahoe, Nev. At least Berman's not here. [ESPN2] • MLB: Pittsburgh at Atlanta. A more compelling matchup you'd be hard to find. [TBS] • Softball: KFC World Cup of Softball, round robin, USA vs. C...

You Don't Go To Work Every Day; You Go To A Bar Every Day
That's why we drink it straight. The ice cubes are too heavy....

The Whitecaps Will Summon Your Inner Geek
We proudly present you with Rick Chandler's Minor Enterprise!...

A Perfectly Appropriate Keepsake
Under normal circumstances, we couldn't imagine a way that we would ever buy our father a birthday present — August 6, everybody; postmark Bryan Leitch, Mattoon, Illinois! — that's a piece of Chicago Cubs memorabilia. But this might just be an exception....

About Last Night ...
What you missed while wrangling your bats ... • MLB: Manny & Ortiz ...they're cops! • Golf: Phil Mickelson says that if it's not Scottish, it's crap! • Cycling: Cancellara retains the glass slipper....

If This Isn't A Sport, What Is?
What's a sport? We think competitive eating is a sport, and if you want to play around, we suppose rock paper scissors is a sport too. But how far can you push it? Claynation's Clay Travis makes the argument that counting is the new hot pseudo sport....