ing Page 786 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ichiro On Retirement: "I Think I'll Just Die"
Marlins outfielder/baseball’s True Hit King Ichiro Suzuki is 43 years old, yet he’s not going to stop playing professional baseball anytime in the forseeable future. Last year, he appeared in 143 games and hit .291, and even though the Marlins don’t plan to use him as an every-day starter, Ichiro wi...
Messi Says He Didn't Direct Insult At The Referee, But "At The Air"
The best player in the world and slight potty mouth Lionel Messi is appealing the four-match ban that was handed down by FIFA yesterday after he yelled at a referee in Argentina’s 1-0 World Cup qualifier win over Chile last week. Messi says he didn’t direct his insult, “la concha de tu madre,” a com...
Nine High School Students Arrested After Athletes Were Allegedly Sodomized In Hazing Rituals<em></em>
Nine male students at La Vernia High School (Texas) have been arrested in connection with allegations of sexual assault involving hazing in the boys’ sports programs, according to multiple reports....
Jusuf Nurkic Shattered The Nuggets' Playoff Hopes And Roasted Them Afterwards
Before the Nuggets flipped him to Portland for one of the Plumlee twins, Bosnian big man Jusuf Nurkic was averaging 17 disgruntled minutes and eight points a game. Since the trade, he’s started almost all of Portland’s games and has nearly doubled his stats across the board as the Blazers have stead...
It Wasn't Pretty, But The USMNT Did What They Needed To Do
A full, complete highlight reel from the USMNT’s 1-1 draw with Panama this evening is as follows:...
Tom Wilson Gets His Face Bloodied After Taking Out Zach Parise With A Gnarly High Stick
The Capitals and Wild met tonight in Minnesota and things got feisty pretty quickly. In the first period, Caps winger Tom Wilson caught Zach Parise in the face with a high stick on center ice, earning a four-minute penalty for the reckless stick handling....
Bruce Arena Has Some Dumb Ideas About Who Created Christian Pulisic<em></em>
Jurgen Klinsmann was an arrogant jerk with a penchant for demoralizing his players and pissing off powerful executives in the American soccer scene with his lofty ideas about how to shake up American soccer as it has been—a culture that consistently puts out a motley crew of under-talented overachie...
Kettle Chips Flavors, Ranked
Kettle Chips are the finest chip (potato division) that one can find at almost any grocery or convenience store. What sets the mighty Kettle Chip apart from the standard potato chip is its heft and wide range of flavors on offer. Which flavors are the tastiest? Here is a semi-exhaustive guide to the...
What To Do When An Old Friend Wants You To Join A Pyramid Scheme
Have you ever gotten a weird phone call from your home area code? Or maybe someone you used to know randomly invites you over to dinner, mentioning something about a business opportunity. These are sure signs that someone is trying get you involved in a pyramid scheme, and that’s bad, because pyrami...
Ahead For 9,400 Meters, Joshua Cheptegei Wobbles To Finish At World Cross Country Championships
With 2,000 meters left in the weekend’s World Cross Country Championship, 20-year-old Ugandan Joshua Cheptegei was leading the most important race of his young life, in front of the home crowd. The glory was his; he had almost 50 meters on pre-race favorite and cross country legend Geoffrey Kamworor...
Dear President Trump: Throwing Out The First Pitch At The Nats Game Will Heal This Nation
Dear Mr. President, ...
Paul Heyman Says Kaddish In Preparation For Goldberg's Death At Brock Lesnar's Hands
Paul Heyman’s WWE Raw appearances remain the best reason to tune into pro wrestling on Monday nights, and the longtime Brock Lesnar valet tonight previewed a presumed imminent death for rival Goldberg at Sunday’s Wrestlemania by saying Kaddish....
![Report: Sacramento Kings Consider Setting Themselves On Fire, Hiring Sam Hinkie [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/w830k6l3f2co6grvbhlk.jpg)
Report: Sacramento Kings Consider Setting Themselves On Fire, Hiring Sam Hinkie [Update]
The Sacramento Kings, fresh off trading their franchise center for Buddy Hield and a draft pick, have apparently realized that their GM is a dunderhead. That’s good news, as a man who publicly announces that he turned down better offers for his best player and doesn’t know how the salary cap works s...
Alexis Sanchez Looks Like An Adorable Little Baby In His License Photo
Over the weekend, two days after Chile’s 1-0 World Cup qualifier loss to Argentina and three days before their must-win qualifier against Venezuela, star striker Alexis Sanchez was fined for driving 96 mph (155 kph) near Santiago, Chile, according to Chilean website EMOL. His court date has reported...
FBI Records Show Vince McMahon's Dad Caught On Tape Bragging About Threatening A Wrestler
It’s officially WrestleMania week, the biggest of the year in professional wrestling. The major events really get going on Friday night with the annual WWE Hall of Fame induction ceremony. A mix of mainstream-sports hall of fame ceremony, Kennedy Center honors, and crass branding exercise, it’s one ...
Cornell Would Like To Share Some Extremely Unbiased Information About Evil Unions
Today, thousands of graduate students at Cornell University will vote on whether or not to form a union. Fortunately, the school’s deans are on hand to answer all your questions in a distinctly neutral tone of voice....
The Power Struggle At Georgetown Goes Back To A Petty, 50-Year-Old D.C. High School Hoops Feud
The Georgetown coaching situation—already plenty interesting with the school having canned John Thompson III last week—got a lot more interesting over the weekend, when Gene Wang of the Washington Post reported that the leading candidates were Harvard’s Tommy Amaker, Shaka Smart of the University of...
Laundry Is The Worst Thing In The World
Years ago, a friend told me that sweeping is the worst possible chore. My God, she was wrong. I took a screencap of her being wrong and would show it to other people, and they would gaze at it and say, “My word, look at that person being wrong.” That’s how wrong it was. Everyone agrees laundry is ob...
It's Getting Worse For The Clippers
When we last checked in on the Los Angeles Clippers, they had just dropped a game to the Denver Nuggets and were settling into their usual pre-playoff slump. They followed that loss with three straight wins, albeit against a Big Three-less Cleveland Cavs, the tanking Los Angeles Lakers, and the dysf...
Good Dog Plays Fetch On Ice Rink
Here we have video of a very good dog playing fetch on the Washington Capitals’ ice rink, and it’s more entertaining than any hockey game I’ve ever seen:...