ing Page 824 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Hell Yes Tim Tebow's Teammates Should Be Trying To Make Money Off Him [Update]

Patrick Mazeika is a catcher currently playing Class A ball in the Mets’ organization. This classifies him both as a person who is struggling to make a living and also as a teammate of ultra-famous Tim Tebow. To Mazeika’s credit, he seems to have found a way to turn the latter circumstance into a lu...

Andrew Hawkins Says His Robotic Touchdown Celebration Was A Shot At The NFL's Stupid Rules

Browns receiver Andrew Hawkins caught an 11-yard touchdown pass in the first quarter of Sunday’s game against the Patriots. He celebrated the score in noticeably rigid fashion:...

Wisconsin-Based Vikings Fan Says He Was Stabbed Seven Times Over Inflatable Yard Decoration

While watching his team beat the Texans this Sunday, Vikings fan Dave Moschel heard a commotion outside in his yard where his prized Vikings inflatable lawn statue was standing. Moschel told WISC-TV that he went outside to find a 21-year-old rascal in the process of slashing his inflatable Viking ma...

Roberto Aguayo Goes From Goat To Hero By Finally Making A Field Goal<em></em>

The Tampa Bay Buccaneers are a mediocre, waterlogged 2-3 team and the biggest story of their season is the fragile psyche of their kicker, who they traded up to draft in the second round. Roberto Aguayo was the most accurate kicker in college football history, but he struggled throughout the preseas...

Hitters Still Can't Touch Madison Bumgarner But A Pitcher Just Knocked One Of His Balls To Fiji

If failure is success in Silicon Valley, then Madison Bumgarner is a champion tonight. The Giants ace, last seen choking the life out of the Mets, is laying an egg in an must-win against the Cubs. He came into the game with a streak of 23 straight scoreless innings in elimination games, but managed ...

Danny Espinosa Has Zero Hits In The NLDS, But Has Been Hit By Pitch Three Times 

Nationals shortstop Danny Espinosa has yet to put a ball in play through three NLDS games between the Nationals and Dodgers. He has zero hits, has struck out six times, but has been hit by pitch three times. He is batting .000 in the series, but has a .300 OBP. He has no walks or sacrifice flies....

Tiger Woods Still Too Old And Fucked Up To Play Golf

Tiger Woods hasn’t played a meaningful round of golf since August of 2015, and that’s mostly due to the fact that his body is old and broken. Woods’s camp has repeatedly insisted that the former best golfer alive will return to the course, but all attempts to prove he is in playing shape have so far...

Marquette King Is Good At The Internet

Raiders punter Marquette King is one of the best at his position in the NFL, landing in the top 10 in almost every major statistical category. He’s also a superb internet user whose crafted memes put my work for the Jamboroo to shame. This came to our attention this afternoon, when King dropped this...

Vivek Ranadivé Deflects Almost All Blame For The Kings' Problems In Surreal Interview

The Sacramento Kings have been hilariously incompetent for a long while now, but especially since Vivek Ranadivé and a group of investors bought them three and a half years ago. They have shuffled through front office decision-makers (Pete D’Alessandro, Chris Mullin, Dean Oliver) and coaches (Keith ...

Skip Bayless Is Gaining On ESPN In A Ratings War That Doesn't Matter<em></em>

ESPN’s flagship shoutfest, First Take, has long and rightly been reviled for degrading everyone and everything it touches. Until co-host Skip Bayless departed earlier this year, that didn’t seem to matter at all to its loyal core audience, which happily tuned in each day no matter how repulsive or j...

Curt Schilling Makes A Solid Point

Given all we’ve seen tonight, it’s good to see a straight shooter just giving us the true facts....

Grover Norquist Rages At Debate: What About The Motherfucking Vapers?<em></em><em></em>

We know where Donald Trump stands on pussy grabbing (for). We know where Hillary Clinton stands on drinking water (against). What we don’t know, however, is where either candidate stands on the biggest issue of the election: Vapers’ rights....

At Least Someone Has His Priorities Straight

Larry King is correct and really talking about Tim Raines makes much more sense than talking about the debate or Giants-Packers....

Western New York Win NWSL Championship In A Shootout After Stoppage Time Equalizer

The Western New York Flash defeated the Washington Spirit in a shootout to win the NWSL title. The Spirit took the lead early into extra time, with Crystal Dunn scoring in the 92nd minute, her second of the night. But Western New York’s Lynn Williams headed in a Jessica McDonald cross four minutes i...

The Dodgers Were Completely Hapless With The Bases Loaded Sunday

The Los Angeles Dodgers jumped out to an early lead in Sunday’s Game 2 of the NLDS, with a solo shot from Corey Seager putting them on the board in the first inning....

Let's Use Science To Make Some Paneer, The Most Versatile Cheese Of All

You know what’s a mostly stupid way to spend a day? Making tofu. Man, what a drag....

Washington Gets First Punt Return Touchdown Since 2008, Misses Extra Point

Washington wide receiver Jamison Crowder scored a touchdown after an 85-yard punt return against the Ravens, but naturally, the team couldn’t pull off a dazzling highlight without screwing something up....

The Washington Post is reporting that NBC News had the recently-leaked footage of Donald Trump bragging about sexual assault four days before the tape was released. But NBC was holding onto the footage while lawyers finished reviewing it—meaning that they were scooped by the Post, who vetted the sto...

Spare Your Eyeballs: Today's Guide To Ignoring The NFL

NFL uniforms are fucking hideous now. Look at this shit:...

Brian Kelly Deserves This

Notre Dame football is 2-4 after losing Saturday to N.C. State, 10-3. Hurricane Matthew was responsible for extremely sloppy conditions for the two teams, but the game was played, and the Fighting Irish lost, so head coach Brian Kelly called out his center, Sam Mustipher....