it Page 803 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Bitchin' Politician Just Blasts Himself Right In The Eyeballs With Pepper Spray!

Levi Tillemann is a Democrat running for Congress in Colorado’s sixth congressional district, and he wants you to know he is a leader who will work to “break through the partisan gridlock” and honestly I missed most of the rest of it because holy shit the guy just unloads a fucking quart of pepper s...

Finally, There's Video Of The Mizzou Arena Joyride

Nearly a year later, footage of one man’s bold, very illegal joyride through Missouri’s basketball stadium has been made public. It does not disappoint....

Good For Dwane

True Ass-Brain Football Columnist Says Matt Patricia Risks Losing Lions Players Because Punishment Isn't Fun

Matt Patricia has been head coach of the Detroit Lions for roughly 19 minutes. It’s been a rocky time—mere moments after he accepted the job, the Detroit News reported on a sexual assault indictment in Patricia’s past, and the Lions organization needed much of the time since—and, frankly, the aid of...

Possibly Alexander Ovechkin Might Be Having Too Much Fun, Beer

Last time we checked in on Alexander Ovechkin he was compulsively hoisting the Stanley Cup in various spots around Nationals Park after throwing out a pair of ceremonial first pitches. It was an early afternoon game for the Nats, leaving Ovechkin with a whole evening of freedom. So how’d he spend it...

USC Wins National Championship On Wild 4x400 Comeback As Announcers Declare Them Dead

Coming into the 4x400 meter relay at tonight’s NCAA track and field championships, the USC women had to win to clinch a national title; otherwise, Georgia would win and pull off a rare sweep of the men’s and women’s titles. When USC mangled the handoff on the final exchange (about 2:48 into the vide...

Alex Ovechkin Lets Go Of Stanley Cup Just Long Enough To Botch Ceremonial First Pitch, Drunkenly Sing "We Are The Champions"

Alex Ovechkin brought the Stanley Cup to Nationals Park today, where he threw out the ceremonial first pitch of Saturday’s Giants-Nationals game. Well, okay, the first two pitches—Ovechkin made a funny mess of the first one:...

LeBron Busted His Hand In A Rage After That Game 1 Meltdown

I am certainly not going to pretend to believe this might’ve significantly changed the trajectory of the series, but it’s also not nothing: LeBron James reportedly played the last three games of the Finals with a busted-up hand after he punched a black board following Cleveland’s world-historic bone...

College Runner Who Almost Burned To Death Reaches NCAA Final Two Years Later<em></em>

Probably the easiest sports story to write is one about a meteoric improvement. The Wow This Person Got A Lot Better At Sports story is one that works in every sport, honestly, but it tends to be most common in ones like running or swimming. (Stories about rapid improvements in those sports generall...

Minnesota Football Players Involved In Sexual Assault Investigation Sue School For $45 Million

Nine of the 10 Minnesota football players who were temporarily or permanently suspended at the conclusion of a 2016 university sexual assault investigation are suing the school for $5 million apiece....

Who Is The Most Adam Sandler Director?

Most friendships have a sort of intrinsic half-life. Each passing year tends to draw you further from the people you care about or at least reduce the number of people you stay in touch with, but this is usually a good thing. I’d say the best number of friends is somewhere around MySpace’s platonic...

Report: Police Officer Who Tackled James Blake Didn't Even Receive The Full Recommended Punishment

In September 2015 an NYPD officer tackled and handcuffed James Blake outside a Manhattan hotel, mistaking the former American tennis player for a suspect in a credit card scam; a month later, an independent panel ruled that police used excessive force in the arrest. That panel, the Civilian Complain...

Alex Ovechkin's Face Said It All

“This moment...” Alexander Ovechkin started, flanked at the podium by the Stanley Cup and the Conn Smythe Trophy. He never once that I saw looked at the latter, but he kept glancing toward the big one, the one he had kissed and lofted and screamed into and shared with every single one of his teammat...

So Much Cool: My Night Among Joyous And Drunken Caps Fans<em></em>

Tomorrow is a bigass waste of time. I am a grown adult, which means that the majority of my decisions are based around tomorrow. I save money. I go to bed at a reasonable hour. I don’t do crack. Tomorrow dictates a great deal of my actions, which is a shame because today is RIGHT HERE to be celebrat...

Trump Thinking "Very Seriously" About Pardoning Muhammad Ali, Who Has No Criminal Record

Muhammad Ali’s career in the ring came to a standstill in 1967 upon the late boxer’s conviction for avoiding the Vietnam Draft by declaring himself a conscientious objector. Four years later, the U.S. Supreme Court reversed that conviction by a unanimous vote; 47 years later, Donald Trump is suggest...

The Game Clock Broke In Vegas And Caused Total Chaos

If ever you need confirmation of the theory of general relativity, just watch your team in a Stanley Cup clincher. After Lars Eller scored the go-ahead (and soon to be Cup-winning) goal with 7:37 left, time started doing funny things, depending on who you were rooting for. While those final minutes ...

And Now Let Us Bask In The Radiating Joy Of Euphoric Caps Fans

I am always up for images of sports fans celebrating a championship—the euphoria is contagious, especially when it’s a fan base that hasn’t tasted the glory of a title in a good long while. For a nice appetizer, here’s the celebration on the ice:...

An Emotional T.J. Oshie Describes Winning The Cup In Front Of Father, Suffering Dementia<em></em>

You will get absolutely nowhere if you try to keep the emotion bottled up inside while watching Caps winger T.J. Oshie talk about winning the Stanley Cup with his father in attendance. Oshie’s father is battling Alzheimer’s disease, so big joyous events they can experience together take on added imp...

Champion Capitals Salute Fans, Especially The One Flashing Them Next To The Glass [NSFW]

The Washington Capitals leveraged excellent teamwork on their way to claiming the Stanley Cup, and that teamwork continued as they took a lap around the arena in Las Vegas tonight, finding one, uh, nakedly enthusiastic fan showing her appreciation for the team in a not-safe-for-work way....

The Capitals Are Finally Champions

This year was different. The Washington Capitals are Stanley Cup champions....