Jesus Page 3 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Messi survives despite it all at the Copa
It’s been weird whenever I check in on Copa America. With the Euros taking place in front of fans and the mess that the Copa was before it even kicked off, it kind of feels like it’s taking place in some sort of dungeon club that you need a password to get into and you have to provide your own leath...
The Chicago Cubs are the real-life team from 'Major League'
Now you have to imagine Tom Ricketts in her dress. Have a nice day....
I Guess This Is What Counts As A Gameday Sign Now
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Manchester City Supporters Praise Jesus After Stoppage-Time Goal
Manchester City pulled out a win over Swansea City after Jesus showed no mercy to keeper Łukasz Fabiański and knocked in a rebound in the 92nd minute to give the home supporters a 2-1 win to go crazy about....
Blue Jays Assistant Offers The Hottest Advanced Stats Take Of All
Are you seated? Are you prepared to hear the rawest, truest sabermetrics take of all time from Blue Jays scout Steve Springer?...
How To Kick Ass During Your Jesus Year
Certain ages have established talking points. At 25, there’s the quarter-life crisis, which is false, but gets you thinking about the banal inexorability of aging. At 27, you talk about rock stars who died before they could get old and embarrassing, because you desperately don’t want to, either. (“G...
D'Angelo Russell On Criticism Of His Rough Rookie Season: "Jesus Still Gets Criticized"
D’Angelo Russell’s rookie season isn’t going so well. He’s only shooting 41%, and his coach seems determined to stunt Russell’s career however he can. So what does he think about the criticism he’s drawn?...
Martellus Bennett Has The Quote Of The Year About Jay Cutler
Jay Cutler returned from a strained hamstring to tough out a close win over the Raiders. Coming off last week’s debacle in Seattle, it’s almost enough to make the average Bears fan thankful for a competent quarterback. Almost. But hey, talk radio would’ve savaged Jesus too. Right, Martellus Bennett?...
Jesus Showed Up At Today's Red Wings-Bruins Game
The return of Jesus occurred at TD Garden, of all places. He showed up at the Red Wings-Bruins game, blessing everyone with his presence....
Please, Let This Be Real
Reader Zack tells us his friend's son wrote this question in church today. Jesus probably can't give you a good answer, kid....
What Are These Symbols On The Mound At Busch Stadium?
The (St. Louis) Riverfront Times writes today about a pair of symbols scrawled into the mound at Busch Stadium, with a handful of pictures taken of a TV serving as evidence. We investigated, and, sure enough, they have definitely been there for at least a month. But what are they? (Hint: It's obviou...
Your Imaginary Boyfriend: Jesus Christ
Welcome back to Your Imaginary Boyfriend/Girlfriend, Jezebel's series in which we explore the wild and entirely fabricated world of dating a famous person. As is the risk with most fan fiction, things might get weird and things might get creepy, but the important thing is that we all have a good tim...
Beer And Game Pairing: Hell Or High Watermelon With Bowling Green At Florida
Fruit and beer have an uneasy relationship, much like Gators fans and Florida sucking. Yet here we are, in 2012, and just as I'm watching this unsteady SEC power flail against some team called Bowling Green, I'm also enjoying the seasonal release Hell or High Watermelon by the San Francisco brewery ...
Sure, God Made The Universe. But Can He Coach An American Marathoner To Olympic Gold?
March 29 was a busy day for Ryan Hall, the fastest American marathoner ever. He was 137 days and roughly 2,100 miles of road training away from representing the country in the London Olympics. He had to be up early for drug testing....
What The Hell Did Crazy Dennis Rodman Say In The Bleeped-Out Portion Of This Interview That So Terrified The Interviewer?
Dennis Rodman was on Yahoo's In Depth with Graham Bensinger recently to touch on a few issues. Issues like, how is he still alive at 50 years old? (No one knows.) Is he still batshit? (Yes, definitely.) And is he still partying his giant nose ring off? (See below.)...
Lady Puts Hidden Camera On Her Ass, "Busts" People And Jesus Scoping It
The introduction of "Ass Cam" poses the question of whether "you've ever wondered what goes on behind your back." From there, you can decide whether the two asscamtrepreneurs accurately predicted that they "look dumb :D"...
Jesus Walks Like A Cowboy: Manny Pacquiao Does Dallas
ARLINGTON, Texas —When Jesus returns, he will surely return to the 50-yard line of Cowboys Stadium, descending bodily on the fog-machine-assisted sun rays streaming through the windows just above the mighty Ford logo, but below the American flag....
Meanwhile, The Devil Told Big Ben To Keep Making Passes
Because no one reads the newspaper, and SportsCenter's anchors are too perky for this early in the morning, Deadspin combs the best of the broadsheets and internets to bring you everything you need to know to start your day....
Tigers' Game Called Due To Lightning, Plague Of Locusts, Flood
If Jesus is indeed a Tigers' fan, he can't be pleased with this. The Detroit Tigers are the only MLB team to have scheduled a game during the holy hours on Good Friday....
God Still Undecided On Who To Root For In Super Bowl
What if some Cardinal or Steeler were to be named Most Valuable Player and say “I’d just like to thank L. Ron Hubbard and the church of Scientology?” [MSNBC]...