ks Page 548 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Brooke Shields's Sweetness Was Matched Only By Her Denial
Originally published as “Brooke on the Brink” in the October, 1990 issue of New York Woman, this profile appears here with the author’s permission....
Wednesday Night Blowouts Produce A Bonanza Of Position Players Taking The Mound
These are truly the dog days of summer. Baseball has slipped into that surreal midseason phase where absolutely nothing seems to matter at any given moment, and the reason to watch is to doze off to the hypnotic lull of half innings breezing by uneventfully. We have hit the part of the year where ev...
Extremely Cardinals Report: Mike Matheny Respects Bud Norris For Being A Relentless Dick To Teammate Jordan Hicks
The St. Louis Cardinals are plainly, self-evidently enduring a period of persistent, chronic dunderheadedness. Nothing makes that more plain than the fact that they’re publicly feuding with one of their own players, but that’s not been the only sign: Tommy Pham, who broke out last season with the Ca...
A Soccer Oaf's List Of The Best Soccer Things
Because it’s the most popular sport in the world and because the entire world is currently losing its collective shit about it, there is something forbidding about approaching soccer from the outside. There are many millions of people around the world who are so passionate about club teams that they...
D-Backs Catcher Jeff Mathis Pitches, Serves Up A Juicy Homer, Loses
With a depleted bullpen in Sunday’s 16-inning showdown against the Padres, the Diamondbacks turned to backup catcher Jeff Mathis to pitch in a tie game. Seeing a position player pitch is always fun—hey, they’re not supposed to do that!—but it’s not often that they actually determine the outcome of t...
Shohei Ohtani Hit A Game-Winning Homer With A Busted Elbow And Knee
Shohei Ohtani hit the ball far as fuck yesterday, 443 feet to be exact, deep into the ethers of Angel Stadium’s cavernous rock structure in center field. The looping drive was his first homer since May 17, on account of the Grade 2 UCL sprain that kept him out of the lineup from June 4 to July 3. It...
Under No Circumstances Will You Ever Guess Which Utah Jazz Rookie Provoked A Tussle With Trae Young
The dreaded Grayson Allen started Thursday night’s Hawks-Jazz Summer League tilt in Salt Lake City. You will be very glad to know that he’s shooting poorly and struggling to score (two points on 1-of-10 shooting through three quarters, but a tidy eight assists to zero turnovers). You will not be sur...
Play-By-Play Man Calls The Destruction Of His Own Computer Like A True Pro
Roger Hoover is the play-by-play man for the Jacksonville Jumbo Shrimp, and during yesterday’s game against the Mobile BayBears, a foul ball zipped into the press box and wrecked Hoover’s computer. Hoover, keeping things professional, just sat there and relayed the action to listeners, describing th...
Drunk Vegas Asshole No Match For UFC Hall-Of-Famer Matt Serra
UFC lifer Matt Serra is in Las Vegas to check out this weekend’s fights and also for his induction into the Pioneer wing of the UFC Hall of Fame. What better way to kick things off than subduing a raging drunk with comical ease? According to a video Serra posted last night, the drunk guy was threate...
Times Of Day For Fireworks, Ranked
Some folks outside my apartment were shooting off fireworks around noon today. Why would you waste them like that? I’m not sure, but this is when you should set off fireworks....
For The Love Of God, Please Do Not Ruin Your Fourth Of July By Looking At Jason Pierre-Paul's Exploded Hand
I’m really warning you on this one, guys. Do not scroll down if you are squeamish. Defensive end Jason Pierre-Paul, formerly of the Giants and now of the Buccaneers, shared a picture late last night showing the full, graphic damage of his blown-up right hand after his fireworks accident three years ...
Summer League Takeaways: Jaren Jackson Is A God, And Trae Young Is A Bum
The NBA Summer League kicked off Monday night with a battle between the Hawks and the Grizzlies, which Memphis won 103-88. In those four quarters, we learned everything we needed to know about each team’s marquee draft picks. Jaren Jackson Jr., the fourth pick for Memphis out of Michigan State, is o...
Kam Chancellor Says He's Done, And That's A Bummer
Seahawks safety Kam Chancellor tweeted out a grim announcement last night, saying he had to “walk away from the game because of the risk of paralysis.” A neck injury had wiped out the final seven games of his 2017 season, and, as Chancellor put it, a “final test showed no healing.” Chancellor is don...
Seattle Mariners Celebrate Bleak, Dystopian Future With Ghastly "Turn Ahead The Clock" Night Uniforms
Saturday night the Mariners celebrated the 20th anniversary of “Turn Ahead The Clock” night in a home game against the Kansas City Royals. The original “Turn Ahead The Clock” night was most memorable for Ken Griffey Jr. wearing his hat backwards, but it was also a grim glimpse into a dismal future ...
Cursed Sentence: DeAndre Jordan Has Reached A Verbal Agreement To Sign With The Dallas Mavericks
Uh oh. DeAndre Jordan has reached “a verbal agreement” to sign with the Dallas Mavericks in free agency. That is a cursed sentence. We have entered “fool me twice” territory, here....
James Dolan Lays Groundwork For Sale Of Knicks And Rangers; MSG Stock Surges
It’s been a trying week, so let me treat you to something nice. Watch the stock price for The Madison Square Garden Company do a little jig over the last two days:...
Everything You Need To Know About Penalty Shootouts, Including, Just Maybe, How To Win
Let’s start in the nightmare parallel universe in which the rules of the NBA dictate that, after J.R. Smith outmuscles Kevin Durant for the rebound and dribbles out the clock in a tie game, the starting fives for the Cleveland Cavaliers and Golden State Warriors each shoot a single free throw, tally...
Oregon State Parlays Dropped Pop Fly Into Two-Out Ninth Inning Comeback In College World Series
Arkansas was just a lazy pop fly away from winning the College World Series. With Oregon State down 3-2 and facing their final out in the ninth inning of Game 2 on Wednesday night, a foul ball from Cadyn Grenier seemingly gifted them the end of the game. Then, three different Razorback fielders just...
Why Your Children's Television Program Sucks: <i>Transformers Prime</i>
A look at the awful children’s programming you’re forced to endure before you can finally kick the kids out of the TV room to watch sports for eight hours....