ks Page 626 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
The Maple Leafs Got A Goalie
It’s Frederik Andersen, late of the Ducks. The Leafs announced the deal today, the 26-year-old Danish netminder in exchange for a 2016 first-rounder (the Penguins’ pick, 30th overall, acquired in the Phil Kessel trade) and a second-rounder next year. Seems like a fine deal for both teams....
Cristiano Ronaldo Botches Penalty Kick, Takes Selfie With Idiot On The Field
Portugal only managed a draw against Austria today in Paris after Cristiano Ronaldo missed a late penalty kick; the Real Madrid superstar then was confronted after the game by an Idiot On The Field who demanded—and apparently got—a selfie with the three-time world player of the year:...
J.R. Smith's Daughter Burns Him On National Television
Aside from a 20-pointer in Game 5, J.R. Smith hasn’t really shown up in these NBA Finals. That’s okay! His daughter is proud of him anyway. Why’s that? Because he made it this far into the season without getting kicked off the team....
Jayson Werth Has A Profane, Shaggy Message For His Haters
The Washington Nationals took the rubber match against the Chicago Cubs this evening after an insane 12-inning affair that featured the Nationals going ahead in the 8th, losing the lead in the ninth, forcing extra innings, falling behind in the 12th, then finally walking off after Jayson Werth singl...
Clayton Kershaw Walked A Guy, And It Was Bullshit
When we last checked in on Clayton Kershaw, we were marveling at his incomprehensible 22:1 strikeout-to-walk ratio, and wondering how long he would be able to maintain such an impossible level of excellence. Well, it’s been a month, and Kershaw’s strikeout-to-walk ratio is now 20:1, and so it’s offi...
"Haters Gonna Say It's Fake" Is A Very Good Meme
Nobody likes trick shot videos anymore. If you watch enough bros in backwards hats throw a football into a moving trash can or whatever and yell, “Bro, sick!” as the beat drops, you’ll eventually find yourself wanting to flee the earth to live in outer space. But thanks to the power of memes, trick ...
The Blackhawks Made Another Painful Trade
The Stanley Cup is barely parading through the streets of Pittsburgh and hot motherfuckin’ stove season is already underway. The Blackhawks are shipping Teuvo Teravainen (he’s good) and Bryan Bickell (he’s bad) to the Hurricanes in exchange for a 2016 second-round pick and 2017 third-round pick (tha...
German Club Unveils New Player Alongside Some Dude Wearing Mask Of Manager's Face
The guy on the right of this photo is Thomas Meggle, sporting director for German second division club St. Pauli. The guy in the middle is Marvin Ducksch, the team’s brand-new striker as announced just hours ago. The guy on the left, well, is not who he appears to be....
Nearly Perfect: Modern Basketball Arrived Before Anyone Knew How To Play It
Over the past 20 years basketball has evolved from a sport based around throwing the ball to brutes in the post into one based around flighty sprites flinging three-pointers from ever-increasing distances. But in watching a Bulls-Knicks game from 1996, it was illuminating to understand how this actu...
L.A. Galaxy Require Cheap, Fake Goal To Beat Fifth-Division Beer League Team
“Obviously you’re going to bleed every precious second off the clock,” the announcer notes, as the L.A. Galaxy are nursing a 2-1 lead with only 10 men against La Maquina, obviously a fearsome opponent, given the Galaxy’s desire to nurse the clock. Wait, who are La Maquina?...
Golf Child Is Great At Golf, Terrible At Fireworks Safety
Traditional youth sports are fun and all, but they don’t teach you many skills you can apply to other parts of life. You can shoot a basketball? Cool, but you can’t use that in a non-basketball scenario unless you find a way to make a living betting people on pop-a-shot....
Zack Greinke, Chill Out, My Friend
Zack Greinke left the Dodgers for the huge pile of cash that the Arizona Diamondbacks offered him this offseason, and he tried to show out a bit when he hit what he probably believed to be a donger against his former team. He flipped a itty bitty bat flip to commemorate the occasion. Except, yeah, n...
Shaun Livingston Throws It Down
Shaun Livingston has been one of the quiet pleasures of this mostly-joyless NBA playoff season. Here’s how his second-quarter dunk sounded on ESPN Deportes; below is how it was called on Russian TV....
"Fuck Steph Curry" Goes Viral And/Or "Viral"
A song for the haters ... or, perhaps, the allies?...
J.R. Smith Gets Into Dustup With Heckling Teens
This past November, Cleveland Cavaliers guard J.R. Smith was involved in an altercation outside of a pizza shop in New York City. A 19-year-old reportedly claimed Smith attacked him, choked him, and slammed him into a wall in retaliation for a joke about him being traded by the Knicks. Deadspin has ...
Where Can The Sharks Go From Here?
The pessimists’ view—the Sharks fan’s view, perhaps, by this point—is that after all this, after two fantastic months, San Jose merely found a brand new form of dickpunch. They’ve lost every other way before, in every other round, but not until 2016 did the Sharks and their fans discover what it’s l...
Pittsburgh Penguins Win Stanley Cup
The Pittsburgh Penguins claimed their fourth Stanley Cup tonight with a 3-1 win in San Jose, led again by a defense that mostly kept the Sharks from generating meaningful opportunities. ...
Draymond Green's Dick Punch Has Earned Him A Suspension From Game 5
Per a release from the NBA, Draymond Green will miss tomorrow night’s Game 5 for accruing four flagrant foul points over the course of the playoffs. The NBA reviewed Green’s swipe at LeBron James’ dick and balls and determined that it warranted a flagrant foul. James was also assessed a technical fo...