ks Page 934 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Where The Poise Aren't
Poiserback Mark Sanchez tossed five interceptions in the Jets' 16-13 loss to the Bills yesterday and, more importantly, recorded just one "poise" in the next day's papers — and that in reference to his team's overall lack of the stuff....
Jeff Reed Still Has The Magic Touch
The Liquor Kicker got cited for public intoxication and disorderly conduct after stumbling from Heinz Field down to McFadden's Bar after the game yesterday. Fortunately, he got pinched by 9 p.m. so he could still get his sleep. [WPXI]...
I Wonder Which Deadspin Commenter This Guy Is
This video of an allegedly drunk guy trying to buy beer has been rapidly making its way around the tubes, but it's still worth a look-see....
Microwaving Poop Lands Canadian Football Players In Deep Doo-Doo
If there's one thing my grandfather told me that I have always held on to was when he said, "Don't put shit inside something you use to heat food that you intend to eat." But Gramps always got sayings wrong....
Why Your Stadium Sucks: Citizens Bank Park
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Philadelphia Phillies' Citizens Bank Park....
There's Losing Streaks, And Then There's <i>Losing</i> Streaks
La Salle-Peru High in La Salle, Illinois has played Geneseo High in football every year—sometimes twice a year—since 1919....and lost every single time. A 90-year losing streak. So they were probably pretty happy when they won last week....
Mike Sims-Walker's Week 5 Status: Out-Nookie
Jacksonville wide receiver Mike Sims-Walker was deactivated for Sunday's game against Seattle, an absence that more deeply affected your fantasy league than the Jaguars, who lost 41-0. Why was he out? Why else? Coitus....
Why Do Bears Hate Alaskan Sports Facilities?
For the second time this month, we've received shocking footage of a bloodthirsty sports bear laying waste to a major Alaskan city. Is it really necessary to level Fairbanks with a pickaxe to just pump up a crowd?...
Stephen Jackson Ain't Leading Nobody Nowhere
Stephen Jackson doesn't want to be the captain of the Warriors anymore because all you do is "talk to the refs." That and he hates his coach and is demanding a trade. How will they survive without that leadership? [SFChronicle]...
New Mexico Coach Suspended For Punching Assistant
Head football coach Mike Locksley has been suspended eight days without pay for attacking a former assistant earlier this season. Sadly, this may actually help the Lobos' season since they are currently 0-6....
Good Ol' Poise
What have we here? Two young, relatively unformed quarterbacks who play efficiently enough in winning efforts to be anointed with hollow praise? And they're going head-to-head? America had a poisegasm yesterday — and perhaps found a new talisman of poise....
Queering In The Press Box
Michael Silver: "By midway through the third quarter ... I was ready to take the Atlanta Falcons quarterback up to Gavin Newsom's box on the west side of the stadium and ask the San Francisco mayor to marry us." [Yahoo!]...
The Hunt For Mr. October
A-Rod, through 42 postseason games: .291, 25 RBIs, 9 HRs, 46 hits, 158 at-bats, not a True Yankee, not clutch. Reggie Jackson, through his first 42: .265, 19 RBIs, 7 HRs, 40 hits, 151 at-bats, True Yankee, clutch. [Village Voice]...
Why Your Stadium Sucks: Kauffman Stadium
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: The Kansas City Royals' Kauffman Stadium....
The True American Way To Ball Hawk: Sue
The Happy Youngster might be on his way to law school after reading this one; a Miami family has forced the Phillies to return a home run ball by threat of a lawsuit. America!...
Today In Thinly-Veiled Omens
The oldest male jaguar at the Jacksonville Zoo has been euthanized, after suffering since August. Panthers throughout Florida and the Carolinas are sleeping poorly tonight. [Times-Union]...
Old-School Skunk And The Ripe-Tomato Eyes Of Pete Johnson
"Dark Side of the Locker Room" is a compendium of journalists' bizarre, amusing and previously undocumented encounters with athletes (and often athletes' genitalia). Got a story? Send it to [email protected]....
A Solo On The Toy Drum
You've read our "Dark Side of the Locker Room" series, in which journalists share their bizarre encounters with sports figures and, frequently, their genitalia. Consider this the reverse: Sports figures share their (and, perhaps, their genitalia's) bizarre encounters with journalists....
Australian Racing Fans Forced To Be Slightly Less Drunk Than Normal
Australia's legendary Bathurst 1000 motorcar race has been besieged by drunkenness in recent years, so this year police are cracking down. Only one case of beer, per person, per day. Show some restraint, people! [Telegraph/Sports Rubbish]...
World Can At Last Make A Germane "Dirty Sanchez" Pun
QB Mark Sanchez was fined $5,000 for his cheap shot on the Saints' Jonathan Vilma, in which Sanchez launched himself at Vilma's knees during Darren Sharper's 99-yard interception return for a touchdown. Such poise! [Star-Ledger, Pro Football Talk]...