lastnight Page 16 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Last Night's Winner: Junior Gotti
In sportslife, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like (alleged!!) mobster John Gotti III, who is so good at not getting convicted that federal prosecutors have given up trying. He's on fire!...
Last Night's Winner: Impressionable Student-Athletes
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like all the current and prospective college athletes who should finally be disabused of any illusions about the promises their coaches don't plan to keep....
Last Night's Winner: Bob Costas
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the MLB Network and Bob Costas, whose mutual love affair finally paid off with their big exclusive Mark McGwire confessional....
Last Night's Winner: Joyless Robot Prigs
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Nick Saban, recipient of history's unhappiest Gatorade bath, a coach who won a national championship but would probably fail a Turing test....
Last Night's Winner: The Kansas City Patriots
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Patriots fans who love everything about New England's recent dynasty, except Bill Belichick and Tom Brady. Pack your bags, you're moving to K.C.!...
Last Night's Winner: Birds
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like our fine feathered friends (real and symbolic) that will get paid lots of money to play baseball and also not be murdered by them....
Last Night's Winner: Screenshot Enthusiasts
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like those who watched the Fiesta Bowl's cornucopia of bizarre and occasionally disturbing images. And then flooded our inbox with every single one of them....
Last Decade's Winner: No One
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Unfortunately, the last 10 years were so depressing I'm not sure anyone actually came out ahead....
Last Night's Winner: Two-Fifths Of The New Orleans Hornets
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the two talented New Orleans Hornets who had monster games last night. The rest of their team may stink, but at least those guys looked sharp....
Last Night's Winner: Jay Cutler
In sports, everybody is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like Jay Cutler, who proved that the frozen arctic godlessness and nuthin' to play for cannot stop his Windy City Heat....
Last Night's Loser: Santa Stan Van Gundy
You know the NBA is pleased with its Christmas tradition when it earnestly compares Shaq and Kobe to Jimmy Stewart and Peter Billingsley. Casting Stan Van Gundy in the role of Scrooge was probably not part of the plan....
Last Night's Winner: SMU Mustangs
In sports, everyone is a winner — some people just win better than others. Like the SMU Mustangs, which exerted as much effort in scoring this prestige as they did in routing Nevada. They had no competition in either regard....
Last Night's Winner: Pointless Tradition
In sports, every one is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Utah Utes, who have won nine consecutive bowl games....every single one of them completely meaningless. We must preserve this hallowed system....
Last Night's Winner: Shopping Malls
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the megasize temple of commerce that assaulted me with annoying children, terrible seasonal music and then took all my money. You win again, Christmas....
Last Night's Winner: Tyreke Evans' Shorts
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like the Sacramento Kings, who showed up two-and-a-half quarters late (like the fans at a Miami Heat game) and still managed to pull out a win....
Last Night's Winner: Gamblers (Half Of Them)
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like people who had money riding on a full-strength Indianapolis team actually giving a crap against Jacksonville. If you bet the other way...there's always slot machines....
Last Night's Winner: Kobe
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Kobe Bryant, who has been in much worse jams than Tiger Woods and he's doing just fine now. Can you sink putts at the buzzer?...
Last Night's Winner: Boring Guys
In sports, everyone is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Federal Reserve Chairman Ben Bernanke, who was named Time's Person Of The Year. Finally, old white bankers get their due!...
Last Night's Winner: This Guy?
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like this Mozambique soccer fan, who is thrilled....I guess? He's either elated or just got hit with a cattle prod. It could go either way....
Last Night's Winner: Pirates Fans
In sports, everybody is a winner—some people just win better than others. Like Pittsburgh's baseball fans, who don't have to be alone anymore. Cheering for championships are overrated anyway!...