league Page 275 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Liverpool Are Finally Back
Liverpool haven’t won the league title since before the Premier League even existed, and for the last seven years or so they’ve barely even competed for the top four. The club was one day away from bankruptcy before being saved, a Steven Gerrard slip from winning the title, had one of the five best ...
Mario Balotelli Watches His Goal From His Butt<em></em>
Rejoice, soccer lovers, for the joy of Mario Balotelli scoring goals is once again a regular part of our lives. The on-fire Nice forward added another one today in the Europa League, cracking this ball with a little jump-slide shot and admiring it as it flies into the net from his backside:...
Fernando Torres Does A Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres must’ve felt some kind of way about Edinson Cavani threatening to usurp El Niño’s hard-earned title as The World’s Foremost Sitter-Misser, so he went and did this:...
Brilliant Shithead Cristiano Ronaldo Had A Brilliant, Shitheaded Game Yesterday
As everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players of all time. He’s also an obnoxious, petulant brat prone to sneaky acts of outright violence when he feels aggrieved. All sides of CR7 were on display during yesterday’s Real Madrid-Borussia Dortmund match....
America's Beautiful Wonderteen, Christian Pulisic, Just Ran Through Real Madrid<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund, one of the world’s very best soccer teams, found themselves down against Real Madrid, the most famous sports team on the planet, in a Champions League match today. Looking to change the game, they turned to a goddamn American child, 18-year-old Christian Pulisic, to save the day. ...
Arsenal Looked Like The Best Team In England This Weekend, But They'll Fuck It Up Somehow
Meet “Troopz,” aka The Arsenal Trooper, aka (as his Twitter bio puts it) “Mr Blud/Fam,” aka the loudest, demandingest, angriest, most exuberant, all-around best Arsenal fan. He is, for once, very happy with his station in life as a Gunner today. He has good reason to be....
Premier League Player Suspended Four Games For Homophobic Tweets From Four Years Ago
The F.A. has concluded its investigation into controversial tweets made by Burnley striker Andre Gray in 2012, and has imposed upon him a four-match suspension. The tweets in question ranged from sexist to homophobic, with the most inflammatory including his apparent wish that gays would “burn” and ...
Manchester United Have A Wayne Rooney Problem
Despite what you may have heard, Wayne Rooney does not in fact suck. He remains a really good Premier League player who is very smart and boasts a unique skill set that can be quite valuable to the right team. However, he was really bad in Manchester United’s 3-1 loss to Watford, and it’s becoming i...
Lions And Titans Combine For 29 Penalties In A Battle Of The Inept
Today’s Titans-Lions game was a sloppy showing between two teams that seemed to have no self-discipline on the field....
Mighty Manchester United Back In Soccer's NIT; Back To Taking Ls Against Inferior Opponents
José Mourinho made it perfectly clear before his Manchester United took on Feyenoord in the none-too-eminent Europa League exactly how few fucks he, his players, and his club gave about Europe’s JV continental competition. Karma responded, in its typically darkly funny way, by handing United yet ano...
Orioles Post Lots Of Pretty Numbers As They Make A Run For The AL East<em></em>
The addition of a second wild card has kept plenty of teams playing meaningful games around Major League Baseball well into September. But when it comes to the real pennant races, only the AL East is any fun. ...
Leicester City Aren't Done Yet
Leicester City won the Premier League last season, so this year they’re in the Champions League. Let me repeat that: Leicester City, a team that three seasons ago was happily dashing about in England’s second tier, somehow plucked up more points than Manchester United and Arsenal and Liverpool and C...
Edinson Cavani Is A Hero
Maybe we’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe Edinson Cavani—the once world-bestriding striker who now seems trapped in his own private purgatory, one where his intelligent movement and powerful runs allow him to crash through defenses at will, only for all semblance of confidence and skill and ...
Here's Barcelona, Literally Walking The Ball Into The Net
Great goals come in all shapes and sizes. A particularly satisfying kind of wondergoal is the one where the players tip-tap the ball between each other, snaking their way through the entire defense with technique and quickness rather than brute physicality, and only sliding the ball over the goal li...
Thankfully, The Manchester Derby Wasn't All About José Mourinho And Pep Guardiola
It’s more than a little understandable that the narrative buildup coming into this weekend’s Manchester Derby was centered on the game as a managerial showdown. Yes, the two iconic managers of this generation—José Mourinho and Pep Guardiola, two legitimate soccer geniuses who famously and furiously ...
Payet Rabona Assist!
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Arsenal Draw Even On Laurent Koscielny Golazo<em></em>
Arsenal fell behind Southampton early thanks to a Petr Čech own goal, but Laurent Koscielny erased the deficit with an overhead kick off a series of headers from a corner delivery. ¡Golazo!...
Christian Benteke Probably Made Crystal Palace Sign His Little Brother, Who Sucks
It’s often difficult for small teams to convince players at big clubs making big bucks to forgo the glory and riches of the game’s destination clubs in favor of being the star at the little team, even when said player has found himself latched to the big team’s bench. Thus small clubs must pull out ...
Inika McPherson Represented In Rio, Continues With Flair In Zurich
U.S. high jumper Inika McPherson finished 10th in the Olympic final, finishing second for Team USA behind Chaunte Lowe. She cleared 1.93 meters, but missed three attempts at 1.97 meters. ...
Here's Why Yaya Touré Was Left Off Manchester City's Champions League Roster
When last we heard talk of Yaya Touré, it involved Manchester City manager Pep Guardiola extolling the virtues of the star midfielder he nevertheless had repeatedly refused to include in City’s matchday squads. Guardiola remarked that the Ivorian was “training amazing,” but because the manager expec...