league Page 332 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights

Fernando Torres's Goal Drew Orgasmic Moaning From Gary Neville
It wasn't so much that £50m man Torres scored a goal — though, holy crap, Fernando Torres scored a goal! — as it was Chelsea completing a 10-man comeback and 45-minute stand against Barcelona in the Champions League semifinal. But Gary Neville, working the game for Sky Sports, was driven to what c...

John Terry Was Sent Off From The Champions League Semifinal After Pulling A Metta World Peace
Minutes after Barcelona scored to tie the aggregate at 1-1, Chelsea captain John Terry was sent off for one of the dumbest stunts seen in the Champions League in years: kneeing Barça striker Alexis Sánchez in the back....

ESPN Writer Has <em>The Protocols Of Zion</em> On His Bookshelf
Late last week, ESPN's MMA writer Franklin McNeil appeared on an ESPN.com video previewing the big UFC pay-per-view fight between Jon Jones and Rashad Evans. In the video, McNeil talked about the bout while sitting in front of his bookshelf at his home. Clever D.I.Y. stagecraft! (Just a few weeks ag...

The D Train Is Off The Rails: Dontrelle Willis Goes AWOL From Orioles' AAA Team
Look at that tall left-handed man up there. Does he look happy to you? Or does he look like an irritated guest of that cartoon bird?...

Manchester United Blew A Two-Goal Lead With Ten Minutes Left To Hold Open The Premiership Door
A win over Everton today would have virtually assured Manchester United yet another Premier League championship—and given the Red Devils were playing at home against a team that has never beaten them in the EPL hasn't won an EPL match at Old Trafford in 20 years, it should have been a lock....

Barcelona Broke Down At Just The Right Times To Let Chelsea Escape With A 1-0 Champions League Win
Chelsea walked away with a 1-0 win in their home leg of the Champions League semifinal with Barcelona today, putting a stumbling block in the road of Barça's attempt to defend their CL title. They did this despite being dominated at nearly every aspect of the game, thanks to Barcelona's failure t...

Man Charged With "Felony Secret Peeping" For Hiding Camera In Minor League Locker Room
The Carolina Mudcats are the Indians' single-A affiliate, and as a single-A baseball team may not have much in the way of locker room security. But staff members noticed an unfamiliar face poking around the visitors' locker room during a game Tuesday night—a man claiming to be a cleaning employee....

Antoine Walker Is Retiring After Two Seasons With The Idaho Stampede
Easter Sunday was the day for resurrection. But today is not Easter Sunday. Today is Monday. No one gets resurrected on Monday. And so today is the day that Antoine Walker officially retires from basketball....

Mario Balotelli Won't Be Doing Things On A Soccer Pitch For Awhile After A Shameful Sunday Display
Mario Balotelli's season is likely over, as is his career with Manchester City after a reckless display at Ashburton Grove during City's 1-0 loss to Arsenal yesterday....

Swansea Played The Prettiest Soccer Game Of The Year (And Lost)
From now until the end of the season, we'll be posting a number of clips from the previous weekend's English Premier League games. If there's a goal, save, dive, lip-read profanity, or hocked sputum we should know about, drop us a line at [email protected]. (You might also enjoy our better-late-than...

Kaká's Long-Range Finesse Strike Was A Work Of Art
While APOEL's Cinderella run through the Champions League was mostly over before today's return match at Real Madrid even started, Kaká helped slam the door by increasing the aggregate lead to 5-0 when he landed a shot from a position and with a curve more reminiscent of his teammate Cristiano Ro...

Minor League Baseball: The Last Bastion Of Acceptable Exploitation In Professional Sports (Not Counting The NCAA)
For every top-flight prospect apprenticing in the minors after receiving a multi-million dollar signing bonus, hundreds of players are drafted every year and get $1,000, tops. Salaries start at $1,100 a month, and the checks only come for half a year. As Lily Rothman says over at Slate, most of thes...

Antonio Valencia's Screwball Goal Was A Work Of Odd Beauty
A brilliant defensive performance by Blackburn Rovers was ruined when Manchester United's Antonio Valencia sliced in a strike that caught keeper Paul Robinson out of position and floated into the goal. Don't let Robinson's failure detract from the ridiculous spin Valencia put on the shot, though;...

Despite Scoring Two Goals, Mario Balotelli's Biggest Impact Yesterday Was This Hissy Fit
A fractured Manchester City side patched together a 3-3 draw at home against Sunderland yesterday thanks in part to two Mario Balotelli goals. Yet City management find themselves most concerned with Balotelli's on-pitch behavior, especially in light of this tantrum he threw yesterday over not bein...

Greek Basketball Fans Set Fire Inside Stadium After Advancing To Euroleague Final Four
This is how fans of professional sports teams burn something down. Take note, Kentucky. For some back story, lets take a look at the AP writeup, in its entirety, by someone who clearly did not attend the game....

Real Madrid's Iker Casillas Wiped His Boogers On A Child's Face
Real Madrid's Champions League first leg against APOEL was three days ago, but video is only now emerging of the most exciting thing to happen in that mismatch: Real keeper Iker Casillas wiping his nose, then wiping his hand on the face of one of those kids who lead the players onto the pitch. Nev...

Racist Tweets About Fabrice Muamba Get Student 56 Days In Jail
When Bolton's Fabrice Muamba collapsed and his heart stopped for more than an hour, onlookers could only pray. The professionals could do more, defibrillating his heart back into action and saving his life. Meanwhile, a 21-year-old Welsh asshole was merrily Tweeting away that he hoped Muamba was dea...

Football Commissioner Suffers Possible Concussion While Participating In Drills
Commissioner of the Lingerie Football League, that is. Sorry to get you all hot and bothered, James Harrison, Brandon Meritweather, New Orleans Saints fans, et al....

Rugby Player Suffers Gruesome Ankle Injury (NSFL)
This video comes from the National Rugby League in Australia and it is an absolute mess. Jharal Yow Yeh (in yellow and maroon) plays (played?) for the Brisbane Broncos and suffered a nasty compound fracture against the South Sydney Rabbitohs. That is bone sticking out. You've been warned....

Houston Dynamo's Colin Clark Calls Ball Boy A "Fuckin' Faggot," Offers Weak Apology
As noted earlier today on Dirty Tackle, Houston Dynamo winger Colin Clark is under fire for blowing up on a ball boy early in last night's match in Seattle. His apology (through Twitter) was of the typical "I didn't mean to disrespect anyone" variety and suggests Clark hasn't been exposed to those...