list Page 15 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Eras To Live In, Ranked
The past was awful. It was a time of choleric ignoramuses flopping around in their own shit and killing each other for entertainment. I feel bad for everyone who lived before today....
Plain White T-Shirts, Ranked
In case you momentarily forgot which website you were reading, let me say right here up at the top that I am not a textile expert. I’m actually not even particularly fashionable. To me, obsessing about fashion is silly. There are better things to obsess about, such as the optimal marinade for skirt ...
19 Fake Craft Beers Inspired By <i>The Simpsons</i>, Ranked
The craft beer industry is facing two significant problems. First off, they’re running out of names for their artisanal ales. Secondly, it’s an industry with a troubling dearth of gratuitous Simpsons references (full credit to Evil Genius for theirs). Combine these two predicaments, and you have one...
These Are Our All-Time Favorite Sports Tweets
Inspired by our friends at Vice Sports, we wanted to write paeans to our favorite sports-adjacent tweets. These are not necessarily the best tweets, but they are the tweets that, for one reason or another, have always stuck with us....
Here Are 20 Sentences From Roger Goodell's Tom Brady Decision
The NFL has issued a stirring 20-page decision on the issue of New England quarterback Tom Brady’s four-game suspension. In it, Roger Goodell makes the case for upholding his own decision by citing evidence gathered by the NFL’s investigatory arm and a nominally independent law firm. It reads about ...
Here Are 14 Things You Will Say To Your Kids A Million Goddamn Times
I have three kids. They don’t fucking listen. One day, God as my witness, they will listen. They will stop, turn around, not talk for five seconds, and say to me, “Wow, I never thought of it that way before. Thanks, Dad!” I swear it will happen. I will destroy entire countries if I have to make it s...
Lil Wayne Mixtapes, Ranked
For most of the 21st century, you could argue that Lil Wayne was the best rapper on the planet without sounding as insane as he usually did. A Cash Money Records foot soldier in his teens, the New Orleans native slowly morphed from an underground sensation into an unlikely pop superstar best known f...
Here Are Some Athletes You Should Bone Instead Of Cristiano Ronaldo
The consensus view is that Portuguese soccer mega-star Cristiano Ronaldo, currently being a weird brand robot in Japan, is not just a good-looking and sexy athlete, but perhaps the best-looking, the sexiest male athlete. But nah. His facial features are too small, his eyebrows too sculpted, his chin...
21 Session IPAs, Ranked
Craft-beer enthusiasts like to argue, complain, and explain. I wonder if there’s any demographic commonality behind this exhausting pattern of behavior. Someone should look into whether perhaps a lot of them have graduate degrees, alcohol problems, and pale-colored penises, for instance. Or maybe th...
Movies About Male Strippers, Ranked
If there’s one thing that makes me sad for heterosexual men, it’s that so many of them haven’t seen Magic Mike. They assumed they’d be in for nonstop tight close-ups of Spandex-packaged junk, exposure to unrealistically chiseled and waxed male bodies, and barely plotted sexploitation aimed at the ga...
Cyclist Fight!
This happened just beyond the finish line at this weekend’s Longsjo Classic. Based on the bib numbers, the guy throwing the punches is named Jerome Townsend, and the dude getting popped is named Dave Warner....
Father's Day Gifts, Ranked
Hey, Father’s Day is on Sunday! Wait, you are saying, suddenly even more sweaty, confused, and anachronistic than usual—aren’t we in April? Aren’t we in April of 2013? No, we are not in April of 2013. We are in June of ... [fumbles with phone for five embarrassing minutes] oh, wow, 2015! that’s bana...
The 26 Sports That Applied To Be In The Olympics, Ranked
Today, the IOC revealed the list of 26 sports that have officially applied to be part of the 2020 Summer Olympic games in Tokyo. They will be trimmed and a shortlist will be announced later this month, and any potential new sports will be formally recommended for inclusion on Sept. 30....
12 IPAs For People Who Hate IPAs
As we all know, stouts are the best beers. But with temperatures rising, you may find that your local breweries have fewer on tap, your local liquor stores have fewer in stock, and your loved ones may look at you a little funny when, after mowing the lawn in triple-digit temperatures, you try to coo...
Fuck Yeah Andre Iguodala Deserves All This Shine
Watching Andre Iguodala bust his ass in Game 1 of the NBA Finals, scrambling around screens and harrying LeBron post-ups, totally thriving within the confines of his game, was one of the happiest and unlikeliest things to happen this postseason. Andre, who’s been laboring on the outskirts of NBA not...
Andrei Kirilenko Was The Weirdest Motherfucker Alive
Yesterday, Andrei Kirilenko announced his retirement from basketball. He’d spent the last few months playing in Russia, after being traded to Philadelphia but refusing to report earlier this season. Over the last few years, Kirilenko had become a sort of NBA background character, more notable for th...
Suburban Northern Virginians' 46 Worst Fears
Yesterday, a New York City man accidentally dropped his keys through a sidewalk subway grate, then fell to the bottom of the shaft when he tried to retrieve them, thus experiencing in short order at least two common fears of city life. In response, The Awl and Gothamist compiled lists of every New Y...
Cyclists' Squirt-Gun Attack On PedalPub Cops Results In Six Arrests
The Minneapolis version of a biker brawl involved some cyclists, three PedalPubs, squirt guns, and water balloons, but the results were, in their way, nearly as disquieting as the Waco incident—the thin veneer of society cracked like a cranium under a billy club. It seems Minnesota nice ends when yo...
Jokes From David Letterman's Final Top 10 List, Ranked
10. Bill Murray...