m Page 5931 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Stories That Don't Suck: T.K. On Rick Barry, Do You Believe In Headshrinking?, Norm, Taibbi Goes Gonzo
Every week, I'll excerpt a handful of stories — old and new, sports and otherwise, relevant and merely sublime — that I urge you to read for one reason or another. Send any suggestions to [email protected]....
Curt Schilling Is Always In Code Orange When It Comes To Autograph Hounds
"This is a poor analogy, but it's like terrorism. If autograph dealers want to get in, they will...[p]eople who have no interest in me and want me to just sign some things so they can sell them." [ESPN]...
Boink Like A Champion Today: Condom Shortage In Vancouver
Vancouver's Olympic Village is short on condoms and an emergency supply has been shipped to the sex-crazed colony to ensure that each and every athlete is safe from STDs throughout the rest of their stay....
Even Monkeys Go To Rehab
Yes, unless this report comes from an Onion-style Russian newspaper, it appears a monkey hooked on alcohol and cigarettes has been sent to rehab. The world is a vampire. [Montreal Gazette]...
Last Night's Winner: Canadian Men On Skates
In sports, everyone is a winner-some people just win better than others. Like the Canadian skatesmen, who prat fell onto the podium for short-track speedskating and held off the feisty Slovakians in hockey for a chance at gold against Amerika....
Sorry, ESPN, But Your Audience Does Not Want To Read About Florida QB's Dad's Prostate Cancer, Apparently
Granted, this was an odd story to have on the front page of ESPN, but it certainly didn't warrant the anonymous, angry hordes completely knee-capping the thing in the cruelest ways possible....
Tim Tebow Messiah Watch: Money Changers Edition
With apologies to Slate, the Tim Tebow Messiah Watch is our occasional look at the growing body of evidence - quotes, signs and wonders, excessively fawning prose - that the Florida quarterback is the Lamb of God....
No Early Termination For Ozzie, Reinsdorf
Happy 74th birthday, Jerry Reinsdorf! What do you have to say to him, Ozzie? "As soon as he dies, I'll get the fuck out." And he didn't even need Twitter to say it! [Sun-Times]...
Deadspin I-Team: Is This John Clayton's Ponytail?
Reader Brad alerts us to this video, in which one can discern what appears to be the fabled and disputed ponytail of John Clayton, bobbing up and down. Look at the evidence. I-Team's verdict: ponytail. We await comment from ESPN....
Will Leitch, Insufferable Dickweed? A Weekly Roundup From The Tips Forum
We get many fantastic tips in our inbox and from the #tips forum. Some are not so great. These are some of those #tips we specifically overlooked or ignored. All apologies....
Your USA-Finland Open Thread
The only thing that stands between us and a gold medal rematch with the Canadians is Finland, the Canada of Europe. Try out your umlauts and doubled vowels in the comments....
"The 40 Most Sexual Photos Of The Olympics," Claims Blog
Yes, I would agree that there are some very Kama Sutra-inspired photos contained in this gallery. I believe this is one the kids call "The Egyptian Magic Wheelbarrow," if I'm not mistaken....
Rangers Set For Historic Season - Just Ask Them
Hope springs eternal at Spring Training. But in Rangers camp, someone appears to have spiked the Gatorade with Prozac. Because players are throwing out pie-in-the-sky predictions like no one's business....
Tailpipe: "He Didn't Seem The Least Bit Interested In Hugging Her Curves"
We recently discovered the incredible phenomenon of NASCAR-themed romance fiction, stories filled with passion and grease and beautiful people being driven swiftly to ecstasy and Victory Lane alike. What follows is a brief selection from one such tale....
FOX Sports Needs A Geography Lesson
Apparently, the Rangers and Twins have moved halfway across the state, the Mets and Yankees play on Long Island, and the Cubs and Phillies have relocated to Indiana and New Jersey, respectively. Are you smarter than a fifth grader? [FOXSports]...
ESPN's Scott Van Pelt Explains Why He F-Bombed
ESPN SportsCenter anchor Scott Van Pelt has unfortunately been YouTube kindling twice this week, but has handled both incidents remarkably well. He explains last night's open mic screw-up in an email to Deadspin....
Fire Woman, YOU’RE TO BLAME! Great Moments In Drunken Hookup Failure
Welcome to Great Moments in Drunken Hookup Failure, where we showcase five heartwarming true stories of drunken love gone horribly awry. Off we go....
OK, Seriously, Time To Shut The Hell Up About Fighting And Olympic Hockey
The Olympic hockey games have been uniformly thrilling, to purists and casual fans alike. But there are murmurs, surely music to Gary Bettman's ears, that the lack of fighting is what's making the games so great....
That's Just Manny Being Manly
According to a Dodgers beat writer, Manny Ramirez is endorsing a strip club-themed energy drink named "Sum Poosie." I would've thought Juicy Juice to be more appropriate, but whatever. [Twitter]...
David Geffen Knows This Song Is About Him (UPDATE)
Carly Simon has apparently revealed the subject of "You're So Vain," and it's David Freaking Geffen, who is gay. (Um, "wife of a close friend"?) Better him than Cat Stevens, I guess. (UPDATE: Or not!) [The Sun, via UkraineNotWeak]...