m Page 6553 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Game Called On Account Of Jellyfish
Enjoy it while you can, Marlins fans. Your team may have won two World Series titles and is currently in first place in the NL Central East, but things have a way of evening out (Dontrelle Willis calls it karma). According to a study cited in the Orlando Sentinel, the polar ice caps are melting at s...
Boston Little League Crushes Rogue Parent, Keeps Nation Free For Democracy
A seven-year-old Boston area Little Leaguer was benched for two games recently when his mother didn't show up for her scheduled shift at the league snack bar. The Freetown Youth Athletic Association levied the penalty on the child due to his scofflaw mother, who claims that — get this — she had to w...
Jose Canseco Would Like To Tussle With Athletic-Types
Per Radar, it appears Jose Canseco is about to embark on his latest money-making idea'r and this time it involves two of his favorite pastimes: 1) Mixed martial arts, and 2) Shameless hucksterism....
Worry Is Like Interest Paid In Advance On A Debt That Never Comes Due
Nobody looks at a Japanese tourist....
Wait, Stealing Condoms Is A Crime?
We remember when a friend of ours, in high school, gave us advice, handed down to him by his grandfather, on how to buy condoms. "The trick," he said, "is not to try to slip them in with other purchases, or anything like that. Sorry, man: You just have to steal them." We didn't take that tactic, but...
The Yawns Of Mussina And Glavine
• Honestly, who in the world would care about John Feinstein's new book? [The Sports Hernia] • Cubs-Cards crossovers other than Jim Edmonds. [Joe Sports Fan] • We can't imagine it's fun to be a new blonde sportscaster in Boston media. [Red Sox Monster] • Lil Penny, still out there. [You Been Blinded...
Talking To Manny's High Five Friend
Whatever your thoughts about Manny Ramirez and the Boston Red Sox, you had to love Manny's wild, patented "great catch, followed by high five, followed by doubling off a runner from first base" play from Wednesday. It was a signature Manny moment; insane, absurd, joyous. But what about the fan he hi...
Media Approval Ratings: Woody Paige
We used to have a lot more fun with Woody Paige than we do now because, back when we first started this site, we felt compelled to write about "Cold Pizza" every day, because it was so ridiculous and because we were home all day and the only people watching. (We are certain we were the only people o...
Sean Avery's Internship At Vogue Begins
When we first heard that Rangers left wing Sean Avery was going to intern for Vogue magazine this summer, once the Rangers were finally eliminated from the playoffs, we assumed it was a joke, or some stunt meant to get Avery a seat next to that weird lady with the crazy glasses at Roger Federer matc...
ESPN's Featured Comment Of The Day
ESPN scoured its message boards this morning to find its cleverest, boldest, most enlightening comment, and chose this one above all others ......
Jason Giambi And The Yankees Sing The Thong Song
Remember how in Bull Durham, when Nuke LaLoosh wears a garter belt to help relax him on the mound? Well, apparently, Jason Giambi has a similar slumpbusting technique ... though it's perhaps one he shouldn't share with the world....
I Am Jack's NHL Closer
The NHL Closer is written by the five Project Mayhem operatives at Melt Your Face-Off. Should Malkin start aiming his wristers at our eye sockets, and one of us doesn't make it out alive, you will henceforth know him as Robert Paulsen. Today, Hextall454 puts down the soap to give you the Keystone re...
The Problem With The Padres? Tight Booties
What's wrong with the Padres? With Thursday's 4-0 loss to the Cubs, our Closest Team to Mexico is at 15-27, the worst record in the majors ... that's more horrible than Detroit, folks. The big reason seems to be the strikeouts-per-at-bats ratio, or as scientists call it, tight booties. Just listen ...
Ain't No Party Like A Vince Young Party
The shirtless drinking photos of Titans quarterback Vince Young have been circulating around the internet for the past 12 hours, with all sorts of questions as to what in the name of all that is Nelly is going on here. The photos, allegedly sent from a tipster who saw Young swigging and jigging at...
Pats' Beat Writer Attempts To Keep Fans From Yelling At Him For The Rest Of His Life
Boston Herald Patriots beat writer John Tomase promised an apology — and an explanation — after it was revealed that his February 2 story about the Pats taping the Rams' walkthrough before Super Bowl XXXVI wasn't true. (The tape failed to materialize and never existed.) Boy, did he ever come through...
Cheap Shot Rob Strikes. <em>Again</em>.
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's going to just start flopping, hacking and thugging people from behind in his pickup league. If anybody says anything, he can just tell them that he's playing "championship basketball." When he's not figuring out new ways to sweep the leg, he can be fou...
About Last Night
What you missed while eating your $100 cheesesteak ... • NBA: Manu the Hour ... Ginobli's 25 points lead Spurs' rout of Hornets, force game 7 in New Orleans. That should be fun, eh? • MLB: No matter where you try to hide pitcher Jason Isringhausen, someone's bound to find him. Pirates 11, Cardinals ...
Anna Kournikova Will Give You 15 Minutes To Stammer
Anna Kournikova is attempting a non-tennis comeback, this time equipped with a revamped website which features a personal blog, "status" updates (latest entry :"Looking forward to tonight, going to the Chanel cruise collection fashion show with my friend." Wee.) and plenty of photos and interactive ...
To Watch Tonight
What to watch after winning your groundbreaking fart lawsuit ... • NBA: Western Conference semifinals, Game 6, New Orleans at San Antonio (9 p.m., ET). Spurs change tactics, say that this time they will try. [ESPN] • NHL: Eastern Conference finals, Game 4, Pittsburgh at Philadelphia (7:30 p.m., ET)....