mad Page 59 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Iowa State Blows It; UAB Wins By A Point
Fred Hoiberg's squad didn't get a second game to show off their style of play. Third-seeded Iowa State lost to UAB 60-59 after Naz Long's potential tying three missed, and the ball went in as a two-point shot with less than a second remaining. This was the Blazers' first tournament win since the...
Lionel Messi And Cristiano Ronaldo Find Their Final Forms
For a depressingly large group of actuarial soccer fans, this season's thrilling edition of the duel between temporally and cosmically entwined superstars Cristiano Ronaldo and Lionel Messi has mainly served as another set of cudgels to club down the other's reputation and legacy. Go deeper, becau...
Demetrius Jackson Leads Notre Dame On A Razzle-Dazzle Fast Break
14-seed Northeastern brought the fight to Notre Dame today, but eventually lost 69-65 after crapping away a chance to tie it up in the closing seconds. Before that, though, Notre Dame guard Demetrius Jackson pulled off this slick bit of dribbling and passing on a fast break. So far, this is the high...
Failure To Pay Office Pool Winnings Leads To Sad, Overwrought Email
This overwrought email, sent by the winner of a March Madness office pool to the irresponsible pool administrator who was dragging his or her feet with payouts, comes to us from a tipster who tells us that he dusts it off every March for a good chuckle. We don't blame him....
If You Like Overrated Teams That Will Let You Down, Root For Georgetown
Listen. My dad grew up in DC. My mom went to Georgetown, and was an extra in The Exorcist. College Allen Iverson is, in my opinion, the greatest basketball player of all time. I grew up playing ball with Austin Freeman. One of my best friends went to Georgetown, and another one is an assistant coach...
If You Like White People, Root For Lafayette
The Lafayette Leopards have been to the NCAA tournament three times; they have never won a game. They probably won't get their first victory tonight against Villanova—6:50 p.m. on TBS!—since a No. 16 seed has never beaten a No. 1 seed in the tournament. However, we still want to take a minute and re...
If You Like Not Being Scum, Root Against Coach K, Who Is Scum
Look. I hate Coach K. You hate Coach K. Everybody hates Coach K. Nobody needs a reason to root for somebody else—anybody else! Attila the Hun! Sauron! anybody!—to win the NCAA tournament. What I am saying is that you should actively root against Coach K. Root for his defeat. Root for his Virtue and ...
If You Like Anteaters, Root For UC Irvine
UC Irvine is in the dance for the first time as a Division I basketball program. Congratulations, Anteaters. Wait, Anteaters?...
If You Want Blood And Guts, Root For Kentucky
Maybe you're one of those people who pushes all the difficulty sliders in your favor when you play NBA 2K15, or forces all the other teams to trade you their best players when you start up a Madden franchise. Maybe you only enjoy victory when it's achieved on the most destructive terms, your opponen...
Deadcast: The Hater’s Guide To The Field Of 68
The tournament is here! Obscure schools! Slow play! Poor shooting! Adorable upsets that are violently corrected in the boring later rounds! It's all here! I'm gonna head to the bar at 1 p.m., eyebang the barstools until a free one opens up, and then get TERRIBLE barstool ass sores over the cou...
If You Like Lanky, Versatile Big Men, Root For Frank Kaminsky
If the only skin you have in March Madness is the money you've invested in bracket pools, might I suggest paying attention to the 7-foot Midwesterner with the name of a 50-year-old plumber? Wisconsin's extremely talented forward Frank Kaminsky has led the 31-3 Badgers to their first-ever No. 1 see...
If You Hate College Basketball, Root For Iowa State
Maybe you're one of those basketball aesthetes who dreads March Madness, who just doesn't understand why anyone would want to watch a bunch of semi-skilled college kids try to hump a ball into a basket 35 seconds at a time. That's fine! You can hate college basketball all you want, but I'm here to t...
Round Of 16 Champions League Tie Ends In Sorry Display Of Penalties
After 120 full minutes at the Vicente Calderón in Madrid, the round of 16 Champions League tie between Atletico Madrid and Bayer Leverkusen was level 1-1 on aggregate. Time for some penalties!...
Why Would Gareth Bale Want To Go Back To England?
There's a battle for Gareth Bale's soul being waged in the media of two different countries. On one side, you have the Spanish press expressing the frustrations of their readers by bashing the player's lazy, timid displays on the pitch. On the other, the press in Bale's native Britain is using its...
Cristiano Ronaldo Reminds Us Why He's So Likable
In a weekend that saw Lionel Messi overtake Cristiano Ronaldo as the Spanish league's top scorer this season, Ronaldo can rest easy knowing his Argentine rival isn't likely to catch up to another one of his records: that of world's most-liked Facebook page. What makes him so beloved? Well, besides t...
Let John Oliver Remind You That March Madness And The NCAA Are Bullshit
John Oliver dedicated a huge chunk of last night's episode of Last Week Tonight to battering the NCAA. The fact that he was able to go in on the NCAA's exploitative, hypocritical existence for over 20 minutes should tell you all you need to know about the lie that is college sports. You certainly ...
NCAA Tournament Bracket PDF: Download It Here
The NCAA Tournament bracket has arrived. Here's a printable PDF for you to download. Tip times and locations are below, via CBS Sports....
Maybe Don't Drive Directly At The 7'6" Guy
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Cristiano Ronaldo's Forehead Saved Real Madrid's Ass
Ugh. Uggggghhhhhhhh. Just when we looked so close to seeing this shaky Real Madrid team gag up their 2-0 first leg lead in the Champions League to Schalke, of all teams, up sprang that leaping salmon Cristiano Ronaldo to save the day....