madrid Page 9 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Salty-Ass Cristiano Ronaldo Flips Out After Teammate Laughs At Him
Regular human beings Danilo and Marcelo shared a laugh during Real Madrid training yesterday after the former did that funny little thing that sometimes happens during piggy-in-the-middle games and passed the ball between Cristiano Ronaldo’s legs. The cyborg Ronaldo must not have had his emotional c...
Fernando Torres Does A Fernando Torres
Fernando Torres must’ve felt some kind of way about Edinson Cavani threatening to usurp El Niño’s hard-earned title as The World’s Foremost Sitter-Misser, so he went and did this:...
Brilliant Shithead Cristiano Ronaldo Had A Brilliant, Shitheaded Game Yesterday
As everyone knows, Cristiano Ronaldo is one of the greatest soccer players of all time. He’s also an obnoxious, petulant brat prone to sneaky acts of outright violence when he feels aggrieved. All sides of CR7 were on display during yesterday’s Real Madrid-Borussia Dortmund match....
America's Beautiful Wonderteen, Christian Pulisic, Just Ran Through Real Madrid<em></em>
Borussia Dortmund, one of the world’s very best soccer teams, found themselves down against Real Madrid, the most famous sports team on the planet, in a Champions League match today. Looking to change the game, they turned to a goddamn American child, 18-year-old Christian Pulisic, to save the day. ...
Michael Essien's 30th Birthday Party Was Just The Saddest<em></em>
Remember those early 2010s Jose Mourinho-led Real Madrid squads, who seemed to fight with everybody—opponents, Barcelona, referees, Barcelona, La Liga, Barcelona, teammates, and Barcelona? ...
FIFA Upholds Transfer Bans For Real Madrid And Atlético
Nearly eight months after first announcing transfer sanctions on both Real Madrid and Atlético Madrid in response to rule violations in the signing of underage players, FIFA has officially rejected the two clubs’ appeals. Neither Madrid club will be able to register new players until January of 2018...
Cristiano Ronaldo Named Best Player In Europe, Wins Creepy-Ass Trophy
Cristiano Ronaldo, the greatest soccer-playing cyborg ever made/animated, had a year to remember. First, he dragged Real Madrid to Champions League glory (pulling them through the least daunting field maybe ever, but hey, winning’s winning) in May. For his next feat, he stood on the sidelines with w...
Paul Pogba's Move To Manchester United Is All About The Money
In the end, the process was simpler than many imagined. Any serious follower of the game has predicted for years that, when Paul Pogba—absurdly precocious and ludicrously talented Juventus midfielder—was finally convinced that he’d outgrown the Bianconeri and Serie A and decided to make the leap fro...
The Newest Front In The Barcelona-Real Madrid Rivalry Is Photoshopping Ronaldo's Abs
For the motivated and inspired, there is a nearly unending list of things you can criticize and/or laugh at Cristiano Ronaldo about. One of the few things not on that list is disputing the chiseled nature of every inch of the man’s body. And yet a Catalan TV station tried exactly that when they snuc...
Cristiano Ronaldo Is Not Mad. This Is Actually Funny To Him.
Underwear mogul/ab demon Cristiano Ronaldo and his Portuguese teammates opened their Euro 2016 campaign against Iceland today. It was the tiny island’s first European Championship game ever, and they managed to come from behind and tie Portugal, 1-1. Portugal had 27 shots, 10 on goal, and 66 percent...
Karim Benzema Blames Racism—Not His Alleged Involvement In Blackmailing Teammate Over Sex Tape—For Euros Snub
In normal circumstances, Karim Benzema would be at the top of the world right now. Fresh off a great season at Real Madrid that culminated in Champions League glory, he should be getting ready to lead France in the Euro 2016 tournament as the host nation’s best player. Instead, he’ll be watching it ...
So What If Real Madrid Got Lucky?
Depending on your prejudices and proclivities, there are two ways you can view Real Madrid overcoming Atlético Madrid on penalties in this weekend’s tense but unspectacular Champions League final. One’s perhaps a little too cynical, the other a touch too positive, but both are mostly fair and accura...
Yannick Carrasco Celebrates Champions League Final Equalizer By Making Out With His Girlfriend
Yannick Carrasco brightened up a lackluster UEFA Champions League final by equalizing for Atlético Madrid, then brightened things even more by joining his girlfriend for some passionate celebration....
Cristiano Ronaldo's Swag Is Off The Charts Right Now
The video you’re about to see shows a neat little Real Madrid sequence capped by a deceptively difficult Cristiano Ronaldo finish. But the goal itself isn’t what we’re here for. What we are here for is all the swag dripping off the Portuguese forward after he scores....
Spanish Police Throw Hands With Manchester City Fans
It’s hard to tell exactly who’s the aggressor here—the Manchester City fans visiting Real Madrid’s stadium for yesterday’s Champions League match, or the police who push and pull and punch them—but there’s definitely some scrapping going on, and it doesn’t look all that necessary....
Manchester City's Defending Is Beyond Awful
If one clip could explain how a rich and deep and talented team like Manchester City got bounced so unceremoniously from a Champions League semifinal no one thought they deserved to be in in the first place, and why such a well-run club could perform so erratically so regularly, and why one of the b...
Real Madrid Don't Deserve A Champions League Title, So They'll Probably Get One
Part of what makes European soccer and the multiple trophies it awards each season so special is how close its mechanisms of rewarding champions come to achieving true meritocracy....
Atlético Madrid Lose Their Way Into The Champions League Final
What makes Atlético Madrid different from most other great teams in the sport is that they have mastered the art of reactivity. The prevailing trend in elite soccer is the implementation of proactive, possession-based playing styles. Almost all the richest and therefore best teams in the world pack ...
Saúl Ñíguez Dances Through Bayern Defense, Gives Atlético 1-0 Lead
Check out this ridiculous run right here, and remember that Saúl Ñíguez is a central midfielder not at all known for his dribbling ability, and marvel at his awkward grace as he skates by Bayern Munich’s whole defense and scores:...
Diego Simeone Suspended Rest Of La Liga Season For Bizarre Ball-Throwing Incident
The bit of unsportsmanlike conduct you see above comes from Atlético Madrid’s home match against Málaga this past weekend. As you can see, with Málaga in behind Atleti’s defense and acres of green ahead, some ball boy tosses another ball onto the pitch, presumably to distract the players and/or bait...