mario-balotelli Page 1 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
If the Lightning can’t choke you out, Andrei Vasilevskiy will
The narrative, the easiest one to reach for which is generally what most hockey observers want to do before hitting the bar, is the two-time defending champ Tampa Bay Lightning must be playing great defense because the Florida Panthers have scored just three goals in three games. And while that’s no...
Baseball is less fun when NO ONE MOVES THEIR BACK ROW
Sporting leagues should enact a per game minimum of fun-yet-stupid plays attempts. For the NBA, each squad should be required to take at least 15 30-foot plus jumpers. There should be at least two trick plays per team in NFL games. I don’t know what it is for soccer or hockey. Maybe it’s something a...
Mario Balotelli Does Thing, Then Posts Thing On Instagram
Mario Balotelli is currently in the midst of one of the upswings of his notoriously yo-yoing career, which is good for all lovers of fun and hijinks. Yesterday, in just his sixth match with Marseille since fleeing there in January from the personal doghouse he’d been confined to at Nice (again, the ...
Mario Balotelli Does Thing, Then Posts Thing On Instagram
Mario Balotelli is currently in the midst of one of the upswings of his notoriously yo-yoing career, which is good for all lovers of fun and hijinks. Yesterday, in just his sixth match with Marseille since fleeing there in January from the personal doghouse he’d been confined to at Nice (again, the ...
Mario Balotelli Scores Wonderful Goal, Talks Shit About Referees
When last we heard from our favorite mohawked madman, Mario Balotelli, it right about this time last year as he came to the close of what turned out to be an unexpectedly impressive but still quintessentially Balotellian inaugural season with Nice in France. We are delighted to inform you that since...
Happiness Is Watching Mario Balotelli Drive PSG Insane
Mario Balotelli’s Nice hosted Paris Saint-Germain this weekend in what was a hugely important match in the Ligue 1 title race. Nice did what they’ve done all year and upset the odds by whooping up on PSG by a score of 3-1, and Balotelli scored a pretty goal to kick off the beatdown. By the end of th...
Mario Balotelli Missed Start Of Match Because He Tied His Shoes Too Tight
Mario Balotelli’s blistering start to his career in Nice has cooled off some of late. No doubt eager to get back to scoring ways, Balotelli tied his boots nice and tight before stepping out onto the field against Nantes this weekend. Only he soon realized he’d tied them too tight and had to get a co...
Mario Balotelli Takes Break From Doing Good Mario Things, Does Bad Mario Thing
Mario Balotelli is still thriving out in France, scoring eight goals in nine league appearances for out-of-nowhere Ligue 1 leaders Nice, so things aren’t all bad. What is maybe a little bad is that yesterday, for the first time this season, Good Mario gave way to Bad Mario, when the Italian striker ...
Mario Balotelli Watches His Goal From His Butt<em></em>
Rejoice, soccer lovers, for the joy of Mario Balotelli scoring goals is once again a regular part of our lives. The on-fire Nice forward added another one today in the Europa League, cracking this ball with a little jump-slide shot and admiring it as it flies into the net from his backside:...
Mario Balotelli Scores Two More Goals, Remains On Fire
Mario Balotelli has always been kind of a headcase. Of late, his nuttiness has unfortunately overshadowed his undeniable abilities. But now, after commemorating his second start with his new club Nice with his second two-goal match, it’s beginning to look like maybe Balo is more crazy good than just...
Mario Balotelli Is Back, Baby!
The shirt colors look familiar but the team is different, and so are the country and the pressure and the expectations, and maybe even the player, too. Mario Balotelli is back on the soccer field for the first time in a long time, and he’s doing good things for the first time in even longer....
Mario Balotelli Crashes Wedding Photoshoot
Mario Balotelli’s career may be in shambles, as one of the most talented young forwards in the world languishes alongside the teens that make up Liverpool’s reserve team as the club desperately searches for some sucker to offload him on, but hey, at least he still does funny things from time to time...
So Close, Mario
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Silvio Berlusconi, Who Somehow Still Owns A.C. Milan, Said Some Racist Shit About Mario Balotelli
Silvio Berlusconi, bunga bunga party alumnus and the only crustacean to serve as prime minister of Italy, has been convicted of paying for sex with an underaged prostitute and tax fraud, and he’s been accused of a truly expansive list of other crimes. Berlusconi was buddies with Muammar Gaddafi, is ...
Mario Balotelli Superfan Does Thing
No way, man. Tell me this isn’t real. Here’s all we know, taken from Mario Balotelli’s Instagram:...
Mario Balotelli Used To Pee On His Teammates' Shoes, Just For Fun
Like all lovers of joy, crude humor, and outrageous behavior, our hearts leap at the prospect of hearing new Mario Balotelli stories. This one, about Balo’s urinary humor, does not disappoint....
Mario Balotelli Has Pretty Bad Hair, Scores A Pretty Good Goal
Mario Balotelli made his first Serie A start for AC Milan yesterday, and despite a questionable haircut—did he go to former Milan teammate Stephan El Shaarawy’s hairdresser and ask for the Vegeta?—he opened his team’s scoring with this absolutely perfect free kick:...
Mario Balotelli Given Another Last Chance, Returns To AC Milan
The familiar Mario Balotelli cycle has been completed yet again. Stuck on hard times with a team that didn’t want him and telegraphing his own unhappiness with his employers by acting out, Balotelli has been gifted another reprieve. A big club, this time his former home AC Milan, has swooped in to r...
Man, Mario Balotelli Is Going Through Some Shit
Here are three things that have happened to exiled Liverpool and Italian national team striker Mario Balotelli in the last day or so:...
Mario Balotelli Does Lots Of Dumb Things, So Liverpool Want No Part Of Him
Liverpool have pretty obviously been trying to offload the mercurial and misfiring Mario Balotelli for months now. And while we haven’t yet seen the kind of public outbursts we’re used to when Balo has previously overstayed his welcome, the Independent has a rundown of previously unreported incident...