mo Page 700 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Actually, All Tennis Looks Like This On A Sunday Morning
Got an image you'd like to see in here first thing in the morning? Send it to [email protected]. Subject: Morning crap...
Teammate Is Totally Undermining Lance Armstrong
Alberto Contador unexpectedly moved into second, and the Tour de France suddenly went all Brandy vs. Monica. Lance: "Things didn't really go according to the plan we mapped out before. I was a little surprised, but it doesn't matter." [AFP]...
Why Your Stadium Sucks: Oriole Park At Camden Yards
This is a weekly feature in which I (and maybe you, too, readers) detail the various reasons for hating your ballpark. This week: Oriole Park at Camden Yards....
NBA Playoffs + Unrelated Movie = Genius
At best it's a blunt instrument to pound LAND OF THE LOST into every NBA fan's head. At worst it's a weird attempt at subliminal persuasion. But we can all agree that those NBA Playoffs/summer movie crosspromotions are unbelievably annoying....
Nationals And Pirates Combine To Make Pretty Decent Baseball Team
Houston and Washington had some unfinished business yesterday, wrapping up a suspended game that took two months, two cities and three teams to complete. And the winning pitcher got the decision while taking a nap in Philadelphia....
Now It's Aaron Sorkin's Turn To Fail At Writing A <em>Moneyball</em> Script
Columbia has enlisted Sorkin, the sanctimonious West Wing creator last seen making Ed Asner say "Macau" over and over, to write a draft of the star-crossed Moneyball script. Such waste. Such inefficiency. Somebody could write a bestselling book about this....
<em>Tennessean</em> Brings Out The Dead, Asks About Exciting New Line Of Restaurants
Here's the front page of the Tennessean's weekly Davidson A.M. edition, which is one of those zoned supplements that go yellow on your lawn and contain nothing but Zales ads and the occasional fluffy interview with a dead person....
Brave Colin Montgomerie Takes Shots at Pirates
A bunch of goofballs dressed as pirates dared golfers at the Scottish Open to hit their water-borne target—so Colin Montgomerie took them out his wedge and nailed it. (From about 60 yards away.) Lousy pirates.... [Daily Mail/Sports Rubbish]...
Western Carolina Football Player Dies During Workout
Ja'Quayvin Smalls, a junior defensive back for Western Carolina, collapsed during a voluntary offseason workout yesterday and later died a local hospital. No cause of death has been determined so far....
Shady Tennis Player Dies Shady Death
Mathieu Montcourt's five-week suspension for betting on tennis matches began on Monday—the same day he was found dead in a stairwell under totally non-suspicious circumstances. (Police don't suspect foul play, believe it or not.) He was 24. [AFP]...
Breaking: Joe Morgan Tells The Truth!
America's baseball uncle was tellin' tales again last night — something about a long slump and a home run he hit off Nolan Ryan — and for once, his story is supported by those ever-pesky computer numbers. [MLB Insights]...
A Hearty L'Chaim To Jason Lezak
Jason Lezak — three-time Olympic gold medalist, Phelpsian savior and, blessedly, former bar mitzvah boy — will skip the swimming world championships to race in Israel's Maccabiah Games. When in Jerusalem, he'll be hankering for Chinese food from Beijing. [AP]...
Long Snapper Pays Price For Saints' Poor Investment Decisions
Kevin Houser has played in every Saints game since 2000—only hiking the ball on kicks, but still—yet he was abruptly cut last week for no apparent reason. Unless you count failed investments that cost his teammates $2 million....
Minor League Promotion Violates Human Rights Laws, Constitution
It's a remarkable world we live in when a promotion meant to celebrate women can get written up as a violation of human rights laws. I hope Amnesty International doesn't have to be called for the next Free Bat Night....
In Season Debut, Candace Parker Produces Six Points, Several Fluid Ounces Of Breast Milk
Parker returned yesterday against the Mercury, and once again sportswriters found themselves talking about her boobs: "Just before the game, Parker had to pump breastmilk in the locker room for her daughter's post-game feeding." [LA Daily News]...
And Now Let's Dive Into This Bizarre Steve McNair Situation
First it was a double homicide. Then it was murder-suicide. Now it's just tragic and sad. And TMZ has pictures of the doomed couple parasailing....
Twitter Will Clear Up The Barry Bonds Grand Jury Testimony
The Daily News' investigative team — also known as the people who helped buckle Roger Clemens' knees — are turning their attention to Barry Bonds, posting his grand jury testimony in 140-character chunks. The first tweet: "Confidential." Juicy. [BarryBondsGJ Twitter]...
A Nutty Theory About Lance Armstrong
A couple of scientists argue that Lance Armstrong did indeed employ certain exotic performance-enhancing procedures before his run of seven consecutive Tour De France victories: namely, getting his diseased testicle lopped off....
<em>Fantasy Football: The Musical</em> Needs Your Help
Although this story does not contain tiny Mexican wrestlers nor furries, it's still undeniably batshit. A NYC theater group is in search of stage actors to portray Bill Simmons, Matthew Berry, and J-Bug for an upcoming fantasy football musical. Kapow!...
For Tony Romo, Fans Fumble Golf Etiquette
Tiger Woods teed off today with Tony Romo in his pro-am at Congressional Country Club. In Washington D.C. Spectators don't really like Tony Romo there, so they boo him. But Jessica Simpson — she's OK anywhere. [D.C. Sports Bog]...