more Page 44 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Ass Team Of The Week: The Ravens Won The Ass-Off
Listen, any doo-doo team can go out there and get the shit kicked out of them by the Rams or the Chiefs. The truest expressions of buttness tend to happen when one meaty cheek meets another, combining to form one giant Voltron ass with a stink that envelopes the whole game. On Sunday the Baltimore R...
The Baltimore Orioles Have Been Even Worse Than They Look
In 2005, the Baltimore Orioles shocked the world with a 42-28 start, good enough to keep them in first place in the AL East into mid-summer. This was before Rafael Palmeiro, fresh off his 3000th hit, lied to Congress and tested positive for steroids; before ostensible ace Sidney Ponson was arrested ...
Real Subtle, Joe Flacco
Baltimore Ravens quarterback Joe Flacco sucks real bad, and moreover has been just sort of broadly shitty for several years, just a total glassy-eyed doofus with a giraffe neck and a knack for cartoonishly ill-timed mistakes. He’s also old. Taken together, these are the reasons why the Ravens select...
Orioles Rookie's First Career Base Hit Turns Into Ridiculous Clown Show<em></em>
The Orioles and Blue Jays are currently playing a series that has no significance whatsoever to the greater baseball universe. The only reason to have these games is so such-and-such youngster can get his first taste of life in the majors. In this case the youngster is Orioles rookie outfielder DJ S...
Orioles Catcher Caleb Joseph Wants All His Teammates To Think About How Badly They Suck
The Orioles have won 43 games this season. They’ve lost 107. They are tied with the 1988 team for most losses in franchise history. Given all this, it’d be bigger news if players weren’t talking about how much the team sucks, but catcher Caleb Joseph, who’s been with the organization since he was ...
Was This Raccoon Witch Cursing The Baltimore Orioles? An Investigation
The Baltimore Orioles came into Wednesday night a horrendous 52.5 games out of first place in the AL East, and an equally shocking and horrifying 40.5 games back of the AL Wild Card. All of that sucking and losing happened before 8:33 p.m. Eastern Standard Time, when it was announced that this devi...
Kiko Alonso Makes Important Third-Down Tackle, Promptly Runs To The Wrong Sideline
Late in the first quarter of Saturday’s Dolphins-Ravens preseason tilt, Dolphins linebacker Kiko Alonso brought down Maxx Williams on a short completion on third-and-17, forcing the Ravens to bring on their field goal unit. Alonso kind of rolled off of Williams, then trotted over to the sideline. Th...
Another Joint Practice, Another Huge Brawl
Folks, we’ve got another joint practice brawl, this time between the Colts and Ravens, at Colts training camp Saturday afternoon. The brawl appears to have started after Colts linebacker Antonio Morrison leveled Albert McClellan in a special teams drill, and McClellan jumped up ready to make war:...
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Baltimore Ravens<em></em>
Some people are fans of the Baltimore Ravens. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Baltimore Ravens. This 2018 Deadspin NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here....
Robert Klemko of Sports Illustrated shares his experience of how the Ravens, the NFL, and Ray Lewis’s teammates made it nearly impossible for reporters to get answers from Lewis about his conviction on charges of obstruction of justice related to two murders in Atlanta in 2000: “‘First of all, you k...
The Helmet Rule's Debut Was Really Messy
Football is back! With a game that didn’t count. And was mostly played by guys who will barely or not at all play meaningful snaps in the games that do count. And you probably didn’t even realize the first preseason game was even happening, until now. Feel the excitement!!! But, anyway, some stuff t...
Whatever Caleb Joseph Was Doing On This Home-Plate Play, It Didn't Work<em></em>
With two outs in the top of the fifth in today’s game between the last-place Orioles and the Yankees, Baltimore catcher Caleb Joseph tried to score from first base on a double, but he was out by a mile. As Yankees catcher Austin Romine squared up in front of the plate to make the tag, Joseph went to...
Adam Jones Wouldn't Let The Orioles Trade Him, Is Awesome
It’s no secret that the Baltimore Orioles are, uh, resetting. Over the past month they’ve had the big Manny Machado deal, and yesterday the team traded three more veterans: Jonathan Schoop, Darren O’Day, and Kevin Gausman. It might have been four, but Adam Jones, the longtime face of the club, decid...
A Two-Win Team Won The Arena Football League Title
The Washington Valor won the ArenaBowl on Saturday night, beating the Baltimore Brigade, 69-55, to capture the 31st title of the Arena Football League. Arvell Nelson led the way for the Valor with five rushing touchdowns and three TDs through the air. ...
Outfielder Carlos Gomez Takes Mound, Pitches Exactly Like Non-Pitcher
The position-player-as-pitcher trend continues piling up numbers at a record pace. Three more position players took the mound Friday night; the total across MLB is now up to 45, by far the most ever for a full season, and it’s still July. One of the recent unfortunate fellows was Rays outfielder Ca...
The Dodgers Have Won The Manny Machado Sweepstakes, Finally
Manny Machado is heading west. USA Today’s Bob Nightengale reported yesterday that the Baltimore Orioles had the framework of a deal in place to trade Machado to the Dodgers for a bushel of prospects, and the trade finally went through today after a “brief medical blip” caused both parties to stay a...
A Very Depressing NBA Trade
The Sacramento Kings selected Ben McLemore out of the University of Kansas with the seventh overall pick in the 2013 draft. It was a surprise he’d fallen that far, and the Kings were very glad to have him. “Ben McLemore was our dream choice from the get-go,” owner Vivek Ranadivé said after the draft...
76ers Look To Fill Vacancy Left By Sam Hinkie's Disgraced Replacement With Hinkie's Mentor, Daryl Morey
The Sixers rolled into this summer riding high following a 52-win season and their first playoff series victory since 2012. The organization was finally ready to shift fully from Asset Collection mode to Fortifying a Contender mode, with head coach Brett Brown making noise in his exit interview abou...
Antoine Griezmann May Be The Last, Biggest Derrick Rose Fan On Earth
French striker Antoine Griezmann—noted NBA and, specifically, Derrick Rose fan who unfortunately also once painted his entire body black while donning an afro and Harlem Globetrotters uniform—won a World Cup on Sunday. And he played a huge role in the final, delivering the free kick that led to Fran...
There's A New Co-Leader In The Manny Machado Sweepstakes
Manny Machado homered in his first-at bat, his 24th of the year, and then left the game after the fourth inning, because of wet grass following a rain delay. Baltimore manager Buck Showalter said, without outright saying, what we all know: that Machado is currently more valuable to the Orioles on th...