NBA Page 612 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Like A Botox-Infused Ether Binge... Now With T.O.!
Matt from Hardwood Paroxysm headed to New Orleans for the All-Star madness last weekend. Well, actually, he was there for the Celebrity Game and the D-League All-Star Games. Over the next two days, we'll be telling his tales. Today: The Celebrity Game....
Matters Are Not Improving For Vin Baker
There's always been a little part of us that feels bad for Vin Baker. The guy's life fell apart after the NBA lockout, his weight blowing up and a serious alcohol problem turning him into that family member who looks a little worse every Christmas you see him. And now he's officially broke....
Where Meaningless (But Mildly Entertaining) All-Star Games Happen
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who spent most of the weekend wearing Superman pajamas and recreating Dwight Howard's award-winning dunks on a Nerf hoop. When he's not wearing blue tights with little red undies on the outside, he can be found practicing his dunk face at Basketbawful. Enjoy...
What Would An All-Star Game Be Without Fug Unis?
Hey, loogit, there's an All-Star Game on. And it sounds as though it's slightly less boring than pointless spectacles past! I don't know, I'm at work and can't watch it. But the uniforms? Ugly!...
Sir Charles Doesn't Work For the Christians
Sure, it's no conversation about bewbs with Reggie Miller, but stuff like this could actually get me to watch the Sunday morning politics shows. We have but six years to gear up for the Barkley gubernatorial run. Any chance he could run against Nick Saban? Have Dwayne Wade in his cabinet? At least ...
Dwight Howard Saves Your Dunk Contest
Finally the right man wins the dunk contest. This is what happens when you don't allow Michael Jordan to be a judge, even if Darryl Dawkins is perhaps his equal in hateration. Howard stole the show in what many are saying was one of the best dunk contests ever, if at least in recent memory....
Can Dwight Howard Get Screwed Again?
Welp, that's it for today, folks. Enjoy the Skills Competition, which, like the Home Run Derby in baseball, is far more enjoyable than the All-Star Game itself....
Another All-Star Game That's For Everyone BUT The Fans
As we mentioned in the developmental league post yesterday, we never really enjoy the NBA All-Star Game, and we're pretty sure you don't either. Not that it particularly matters; it's not for us, it's for them, the players. It's in New Orleans this year, so everyone gets to go absolutely batshit cr...
A Very NBA Valentine's Day
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who's got a sinus infection right now, so don't expect any miracles today, okay? When he's not hacking up globs of stuff that look like they could be used as monster blood in an Alien versus Predator movie, he can be found dying a slow, painful death at Bask...
A Celebration Of All Things D-League
Yeah, yeah, so the NBA All-Star Game is this weekend. Yawn. There's not much more dull these days than the 3-point contest and the slam dunk competition, and the game itself ... no thanks. But worry not, basketball fans: There's an antidote in the very same city: It's the Development League All-Star...
George: You Just Cockblocked McLovin!
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who cannot freaking believe that Devean George - Devean George!! - foiled Jason Kidd's trade to Dallas. Wow. When he's not paralyzed with disbelief, he can be found sitting there with his mouth hanging open at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • McLovin's our friend! We...
Only Devean George Understands The Power He Wields
Of all the comments in the wake of the Jason Kidd trade that was, oddly, blocked by Devean George of all people, our favorite might have been in the live blog of the Mavs' game against the Blazers:...
Stephen Jackson Is Somewhat Lacking In Flow
Even Ron Artest was better, though only at hip-hop, not randomly leveling strangers in the crowd....
NBA Closer: The Dr. Cox Edition
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who thinks most people are bastards. Bastard-coated bastards with bastard filling. When he's not busy hating the whole goddamn world, he can be found discussing the best of the worst of professional basketball at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • Sweetheart, I find it...
Latrell Sprewell Could Use A Raft Of Some Sort
In case you have forgotten, in 2005, according to Wikipedia, here's where Latrell Sprewell stood, contract-wise....
Yet Another Case Of The Mondays
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who generally shows up to work about 15 minutes late (he uses the side door so his boss doesn't see him). After that, he just sort of spaces out for an hour. Yeah, he just stares at his desk, but it looks like he's working. He does that for probably another ...
Brandon Bass Whacks Vince Carter, World Rejoices
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, a former college intramural freethrow shooting champion...25-for-25 baby! When he's not perfecting his stroke from the line - no double-entendre intended, as far as you know - he can be found studying the science of freethrowology at Basketbawful. Enjoy! • ...
Get Your Shaq Jersey (Plenty Of Time, Though)
A reader sent us this mock page from the Phoenix Suns' Web site, encouraging fans to buy the jersey Shaq will be wearing for the team for the next couple of years. That sounds about right....
Angry Shaq's Death Toll Currently Stands At One Shark, Maybe Shawn Bradley
The NBA Closer is written by Matt McHale, who once attended a Sports and Literature class with Brian Cardinal but still doesn't know whether Cardinal can actually read. When he's not bidding on game-used Kwame Brown NBA logos - listed as very rare!! - he can be found hiding from Shaq at Basketbawful...
Lakers Lose?! Inconceivable!
Hello, my name is Matt McHale. You killed my father. Prepare to die! (P.S. When I'm not preparing to kill you, I can be found practicing swordplay at Basketbawful.) • You just wiggled your finger. That's wonderful! The following is an actual quote from the Associated Press: "With the game on the li...