ness Page 49 - Sports News, Headlines & Highlights
Jonny Gomes: I Nearly Asphyxiated A Quarter Of My Team After We Clinched The 2008 AL East
The 2008 Tampa Bay Rays were one of the coolest and most delightful out-of-nowhere success stories in recent baseball history, a team filled with a bevy of teen stars and veteran hitting that coalesced to make an astonishing World Series appearance after having gone 66-96 the season prior. As an ora...
Undertaker's Demonic, Pyromaniacal Brother Elected Mayor Of Tennessee County
Republican Glenn Jacobs, also known as WWE’s Kane, was elected mayor of Knox County, Tennessee, Thursday. Kane won the Republican primary back in May by just 17 votes, and immediately became the overwhelming favorite for the gig in the solidly conservative area....
Kobe, Come Out Of Retirement You Coward
Shaquille O’Neal recently told a fast-talking paparazzo that he’d “heard” Kobe Bryant was coming out of retirement to play with LeBron James and the Lakers. This was almost certainly a joke, but as a pretext for silly-season speculation—and a cucumber season blog from one horrifyingly bored blogger—...
Papa John's Creates Poison Pill For One Special Customer: The Disgraced Papa Himself
The Papa John’s board of directors announced late last night that they would be adopting something that’s known in the business industry as a “limited duration stockholder rights plan.” This is an attempt to prevent Papa “John” Schnatter from reasserting his control over his eponymous company, which...
How I Became A Wizard, By Dwight Howard, Age 7
Last year, the Washington Wizards underperformed both out of sheer ingrained habit and because some of the most important people on the team just absolutely fucking hated some of the other most important people on the team. On Monday, the team introduced Dwight Howard, the veteran big man that the t...
Bayern Munich President Brutally And Inexplicably Owns Mesut Özil
Germany and Arsenal midfielder Mesut Ozil announced his retirement from international soccer on Sunday, citing racism from fans, criticism of a photo he took with Turkish president Recep Tayyip Erdoğan, and unfair scapegoating by German’s top soccer officials. For no obvious reason, Bayern Munich pr...
Titans' Jurrell Casey Says He'll Keep Protesting Injustice Despite NFL's New Anthem Policy
Titans defensive lineman Jurrell Casey regularly demonstrated during the national anthem before games last season, and even though NFL owners have crafted an absurd policy designed to ensure that everyone “shows respect for the flag and the Anthem” (which was never the issue), the Pro Bowler says he...
Little-Known Icelandic Soccer Player Becomes Social Media Sensation Due To His Sexiness
Coming into the World Cup, not many people had heard of Icelandic winger Rúrik Gíslason. Then he stepped onto the pitch as a substitute for an injured teammate during his country’s match against Argentina and the whole world realized that he is hot as hell....
<i>New Yorker</i> Film Critic Has Reservations About Children's Movie Because His Boner Kept Blocking The Screen
Have you seen Incredibles 2? If you liked 2004's The Incredibles, about a family of superheroes in a sort of midcentury-modern-flavored alternate universe America, you’ll likely enjoy its sequel very much. As you might expect from any big-budget sequel it’s a little less fresh than the original and ...
Sweaty Softball Parents Try To Brawl, Roll Around For A Bit, Ruin Daughters' Weekend
The video you’re about to watch is going to look chaotic as hell and sound like the end of days—almost immediately, your ears will be flooded with girls screaming at the top of their lungs while your eyes fixate on what appears to be a violent brawl. Upon closer inspection, however, you’ll realize t...
Chris Farley's Estate Settles Lawsuit Against Trek Over Fat Bike Branding
Wisconsin-based bicycle giant Trek has settled a lawsuit today with the estate of Chris Farley, who sued the bike company last year over a line of performance fat bikes that shared a name with the iconic comedian. A fat bike is essentially a mountain bike with even bigger tires, which make it easy t...
![CrossFit Executive Fires Off A Bunch Of Homophobic Tweets, Immediately Gets Sent To Time Out [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/ro8c21vqey8vt3othf3c.jpg)
CrossFit Executive Fires Off A Bunch Of Homophobic Tweets, Immediately Gets Sent To Time Out [Update]
Earlier this week, the owners of Indianapolis CrossFit gym CrossFit Infiltrate canceled a special workout that their coaches had planned to host in support of Indy Pride, which hosts its parade this weekend. Predictably, the backlash was severe and immediate, with a “large contingent” of members can...
The Preakness Was A Foggy, Muddy, Wonderful Mess
The Preakness, held Saturday at Maryland’s Pimlico Race Course, fucking ruled! The race itself was fine: the favorite won; the favorite was also the horse that won the Kentucky Derby; therefore the actual Preakness Stakes did the job of getting the broader non-gambling world through May with reason ...
Justify Wins Preakness Stakes, Allegedly
Prohibitive favorite Justify claimed the second leg of this year’s Triple Crown as the Kentucky Derby winner seized the Preakness Stakes in a time of 1:55.93, supposedly, we’ll have to take their word for it....
Darren Rovell Tries To Explain Economics To Marvin Jones, Gets Dunked On
“Actually,” Darren Rovell probably smirked as he adjusted his bowtie before lecturing a celebratory Marvin Jones, who had just tweeted about a bakery franchise he is opening with his wife, “it’s more complicated than you think.”...
Trump Forms Sports Council Featuring Bill Belichick, Lou Ferrigno, And Dr. Oz, For Some Reason
Sports genius Donald Trump has done the inevitable, again. This time, the big lad has put his close personal friend Bill Belichick on an official Presidential council. Shockingly, Belichick will not be in charge of any nuclear weaponry or an actual department of significance, which honestly would ha...
![Arkansas Women's Tennis Team Schedules Six Matches In One Day Against Cupcake Opponent To Earn Tournament Eligibility [Update]](https://images.deadspin.com/tr:w-900/e1ke1muhjkxfsovzxyl1.png)
Arkansas Women's Tennis Team Schedules Six Matches In One Day Against Cupcake Opponent To Earn Tournament Eligibility [Update]
Arkansas women’s tennis had a surprisingly strong run in the SEC Tournament last week, making it all the way to the semifinals despite finishing 11th in regular season conference play. It was enough of a run to give the school hopes of an at-large bid in the upcoming NCAA tournament, if not for one ...
Well, Here's A Characteristically Depressing Inning From The Reds Bullpen
It’s remarkable that Cincinnati’s bullpen didn’t finish last in any meaningful statistical category last year. They were terrible, of course, and they ended up in the bottom five for just about everything—ERA, FIP, strikeout-to-walk ratio, total saves, home runs allowed—but there was no one spot whe...
"The Most Dangerous Man In College Basketball" Dodged FBI Charges By Pocketing Money Meant For Athletes<em></em>
Brad Augustine was described and profiled by Yahoo! Sports as “the most dangerous man in college basketball” just six months ago; now, that dangerous man is skating on any punishment for his alleged crimes....
This Is Probably The New Titans Jersey
Do you care about a slight uniform change for the NFL’s most anonymous team? I bet you do....